• All Sites:
  • Pastors
  • Leadership
  • Kids Ministry
  • Student Ministry
  • Groups Ministry
  • Women's Ministry
  • Worship Ministry
LifeWay

Kids Ministry

Dedicated to helping Kids Ministry leaders in their mission of making disciples

  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Training
  • Events
  • Team
  • Resources
Kids Ministry
July 27, 2015

The Right Ways to Receive Feedback

By Kids Ministry 101

By Carol Pipes

A book review of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone
Taken from “LifeLines” (September 2014) a publication of LifeWay Christian Resources

Feedback is crucial to improving performance, but is often difficult to receive, especially if criticism is poorly delivered. In their book Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone offer six steps to becoming a better receiver of feedback.

Know your tendencies. You’ve received feedback your entire life, and over the years you develop patterns—good or bad—in how you respond. Heen and Stone say that if you recognize your standard response to feedback, you are better able to choose your reactions and respond appropriately. The way you’re wired influences how you receive feedback—some people have extreme reactions while others remain on an even keel. “Understanding your own wiring and tendencies helps you to improve your ability to weather the storm of negative feedback—and dig yourself out in the morning.”

Disentangle the what from the who. “If the feedback is on target and the advice is wise, it shouldn’t matter who delivers it. But it does,” write Heen and Stone. According to the authors, people have a tendency to entwine the content of the feedback with their thoughts and feelings about the giver. That can create unnecessary angst. By disqualifying the giver, you reject the substance of the feedback. To keep that from happening, you have to work to separate the message from the messenger and then consider both.

Listen for coaching. The authors recognize three kinds of feedback—appreciation (acknowledges/thanks), coaching (helps sharpen skills), and evaluation (lets you know where you stand). All three are beneficial, but coaching helps you improve and moves you forward. “Work to hear feedback as potentially valuable advice from a fresh perspective rather than an indictment of how you’ve done things in the past.” However, remember all coaching involves some evaluation.

Unpack the feedback. Heen and Stone say you can’t always tell whether feedback is valid or helpful. They suggest analyzing the feedback before deciding whether or not to take the advice. Often a person interprets feedback differently from how the giver meant it. You may have to ask for further clarification to truly understand the feedback you are receiving. The goal is for both parties to understand one another. The authors believe the better you understand the feedback, the more likely you are to find something in it that’s useful.

Ask for one thing. “Find opportunities to get bite-size pieces of coaching from a variety of people throughout the year,” write Heen and Stone. Instead of asking for general feedback, they suggest asking colleagues, supervisors, or direct reports focused questions such as “What’s one thing you see me doing, or failing to do, that’s getting in my own way?”

Try small experiments. If you’re unsure about someone’s advice, test it out. “If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you can try again, tweak your approach, or decide to end the experiment.”

We all need feedback, but our growth depends on how we process that feedback and use it for our own development. Heen and Stone remind readers that receivers are in control of what they do with feedback, how they make sense of it, and whether or not they choose to change.

Carol Pipes is Manager of Editorial Services in LifeWay Communications.

 

You may also like -

  • Celebrate Children’s Ministry DayCelebrate Children’s Ministry Day
  • 6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 66 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 6
  • Not On Our WatchNot On Our Watch
  • How Do I Use My Take-Home Page?How Do I Use My Take-Home Page?

Filed Under: Kids Ministry July 27, 2015

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Subscribe to Podcast

Apple PodcastsGoogle PodcastsAndroidRSS

Sign Up to receive the free Kids Ministry 101 Magazine!

Get the Digital Magazine Get the Print Magazine
Want to write for LifeWay Kids?

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,222 other subscribers

@LifeWayKids
FOLLOW
My Tweets

All Ministry Sites

Pastors
Leadership
Kids Ministry
Student Ministry
Groups Ministry
Women’s Ministry
Worship Ministry

Digital Resources

Ministry Grid
LifeWay Worship
Digital Church
KidEvent Pro
MyCurriculum Manager
Simulcast Manager
LifeWay Reader eBooks
Generosity
WORDsearch
SmallGroup.com

LifeWay Network

LifeWay Research
B&H
Ridgecrest

Copyright © 2021 · LifeWay Christian Resources · All Rights Reserved