By: Rachel Riquelme
It’s Monday morning. The sanctuary is silent, the lights are off, and yesterday’s successes, wins, handshakes, and warm smiles feel like a distant memory. You sit at your desk, coffee cooling beside you, and wonder—why do I feel so alone after such a full Sunday?
You know every child’s name—plus their siblings, parents, grandparents, and probably even their dog. You’re building a kids ministry where children feel seen, families feel at home, and community takes root. But when the crowds go home and the church grows quiet, a familiar feeling of loneliness in kids ministry creeps in. If you know this feeling all too well, remember two things—you are not alone, and you don’t have to stay there.
Loneliness Is More Common Than You Think In Ministry
The Cigna US Loneliness Index states that, “When asked how often they feel like no one knows them well, more than half of the respondents (54%) surveyed said they feel that way always or sometimes. Just under half of all those surveyed report sometimes or always feeling alone (46%) and/or feeling left out (47%).”[1] If you are feeling alone or left out, you can acknowledge that. Recognize you are serving people in your ministry who may also feel this way.
According to “The Greatest Needs of Pastors,” a study published by Lifeway Research, 69% of those surveyed reported the need for friendship and fellowship with others.[2] That is not only true of the senior pastor, but of everyone on the ministry staff as well. We are created to be in fellowship and relationship with one another, and we need those friendships. But how do you find them, and how do you cultivate them in the middle of pastoral loneliness?
Why Community Matters
In Flip the Script we learn that “Congregations thrive within cultures of connection. Kids, students, adults, volunteers, influencers, and pastors need a web of interconnected relationships with each other, not static rows of relationships with people in the same life stage or church role.”[3] That holds true to leaders in children’s ministry as well. Ministry can begin to feel like an island when you don’t have a web of interconnected relationships where you care for each other. The Hebrew word hesed describes this type of love and connection that helps overcome loneliness and shapes us into Christlikeness. Authors Hendricks and Wilder explain hesed like this:
Hesed is a kind and loyal care for the well-being of another. It describes something we find in the brain and in the Bible. Our brains draw life from our strongest relational attachments to grow our character and develop our identity. Who we love shapes who we are. Character formation is the central task of the church. Our brains are designed to use our attachments to form our character.[4]
Our attachments not only help us overcome loneliness, they help us develop our identity, ground us in Christian relationships, and spur on character growth.
Why Kids Ministry Can Feel So Isolated
Kids ministry can sometimes feel like serving on an island. Because of safety concerns, developmental needs at various stages, and the unique ways children grow and learn, our ministries are often tucked away in another part of the building or even offsite, with our spaces separate from where adult discipleship and worship take place. While those boundaries are necessary for safety purposes and to care for kids well, they can also create distance and isolation which lead to kids ministry loneliness. Before long, it’s easy to feel cut off from the larger congregation, sometimes even going weeks without being in the room during corporate worship.
Our schedules and rhythms often don’t line up with the rest of the church either. While our adult peers are worshiping or attending discipleship classes, we’re leading, teaching, and serving. That reality can be isolating, especially when adult interaction is limited. And on top of it all, kids ministry leaders carry the weight of coordinating volunteers, keeping track of each child, tending to individual needs, and ensuring that what’s being taught truly shapes young hearts and points them towards Christ. It’s no wonder that the calling can feel heavy and lonely.
But the truth is that even when we feel isolated and lonely, we are never alone. The work of children’s ministry is not only essential—it’s a sacred, high calling. Every moment we spend teaching, guiding, and caring for children is shaping the future of the church. While the schedules and responsibilities may set us apart, they also remind us of the holy privilege we’ve been entrusted with. The gift is to point the next generation toward Jesus. And in that, we are deeply connected to the body of Christ. We are a part of that interconnected community of believers and a part of the love and connection that helps overcome loneliness and shapes Christlike character called hesed.
Finding Connection In Unexpected Places
So how do you begin stepping off the “island” of kids ministry and moving toward true biblical community and connection? The very first step is a shift in perspective. With this shift you begin to rethink how you see loneliness in ministry. Before you reach out to others, take a moment to look inward with honesty and grace. Ask yourself, What fears are keeping me from reaching out?
Maybe you’ve been on the kids ministry island so long that exhaustion has crept in. Maybe you feel undervalued, overlooked, or even unsure of your calling. If that’s you, it may be a sign of spiritual fatigue—and you are not alone in that struggle. Scripture reminds us in 1 Peter 5:6–7, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares on him, because he cares about you.” God cares deeply for you. He sees your weariness, He knows your questions, and He doesn’t ask you to carry them alone.
It is okay to admit you feel lonely. It is okay to name your discouragement. You don’t need to keep up appearances or pretend you have it all together. Acknowledging what is really going on inside does not make you weak. And when you cast your burdens on the Lord, He promises to help you and care for you.
From there, begin to reframe how you view connection. Remember that you are created for community. Needing encouragement, support, and belonging is not selfish—it’s part of God’s design. Community isn’t just “nice to have”—it is essential for healthy, sustainable ministry.
You don’t have to stay on the island. Lean on Him and take that first step toward the people He’s placed around you. Start building bridges and taking practical steps toward Christian community.
Connecting to Your Ministry Staff
One of the best ways to start stepping off the island is by intentionally reaching out to your pastor or fellow staff members. You don’t have to carry the weight of ministry alone. God has provided leadership and community around you in your church staff. Open up and lean on them. They are the team God has already placed around you.
Schedule regular check-ins with your pastor or supervisor, not just to talk through logistics but to share life and ministry together. Use those conversations to celebrate wins, talk honestly about struggles, and invite encouragement and wisdom. These moments help build a bridge between kids ministry and the rest of church leadership.
Don’t underestimate the power of opening up. When you share more than schedules and plans—when you share your heart—you begin cultivating genuine community. The bridges you build can sustain you in the moments when ministry feels heavy.
Connecting to a Ministry Network
Another way to step off the island is by building bridges with other ministry leaders. Connection doesn’t have to be complicated—it can start small. Maybe it looks like grabbing lunch once a month with kids ministry leaders in your community. Maybe it’s joining an online network of children’s ministry leaders through social media (there are many!), attending a conference like ETCH, asking a trusted leader to mentor you, or even investing in one-on-one coaching.
However you choose to connect, the key is knowing that you don’t have to do ministry alone. There is incredible value in surrounding yourself with people who share your calling and passion. These are leaders who understand the unique challenges you face and can offer encouragement when you’re weary, wisdom when you’re unsure, and practical training to help you grow in your calling.
Leaning into community with other leaders not only strengthens your ministry—it strengthens you.
Connecting to Your Ministry Team
Finally, don’t overlook one of the most powerful connections you can make—partnering with your volunteers and parents. These are the people who are shoulder to shoulder with you in the mission of helping kids know Christ and grow in their relationship with Him.
Instead of only scheduling and managing volunteers, invest in them. Build friendships, encourage their gifts, and create a sense of belonging where they feel valued and cared for. When volunteers know they are more than just a name on a rotation, they flourish—and true community begins to take root.
The same is true with parents and families. Go beyond ministry announcements and quick Sunday conversations. Invite a parent out for coffee. Listen to their story. Connect not just as a kids ministry leader but as a fellow Christ-follower and friend. When parents know you are walking with them, not just leading from a distance, trust grows—and so does the impact of your ministry.
Partnering with volunteers and parents is more than strategy—it is vital. That kind of belonging makes the ministry feel a little less like an island and a lot more like true biblical community.
Conclusion
We’ve all had moments in kids ministry that caused us to feel as if we were stranded on an island—tired, lonely, and ready to say “SOS” and wave the white flag. Loneliness in kids ministry is real, but it is not the end of the story.
We serve a God who designed us for relationship—with Him and with the people around us. We were created for community. When we experience hesed—that deep spiritual connection, love, and attachment—it doesn’t just comfort us. It shapes our hearts and forms our character.
If you’re feeling isolated today, know that you are not truly alone. Loneliness in kids ministry is common, but God is with you, and He cares deeply for you. There is a way forward. It begins with building bridges of connection. Send that text to a friend. Schedule coffee with a parent or volunteer. Ask your pastor for a meeting. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and honestly share your struggles. Allow yourself to be embraced by the Christian community God has placed around you.
You were never meant to serve on an island. You were called to know the Lord, serve His church, and flourish in the kind of community that reminds you that you do not carry this calling alone.
Rachel Riquelme is the Preschool Content Editor and Resource Specialist for Lifeway’s NextGen resource Hyfi. With an MA in Discipleship and a ThM, she has a passion for building resilient disciples who have strong faith to last a lifetime. She has spent the last 15 years in Kids, Preschool, and Family Ministry and lives in Murray, KY. Rachel loves reading, biking, and spending time with her husband and two elementary-aged sons.
[1] Cigna and Ipsos, “Cigna US Loneliness Index: Survey of 20,000 Americans Examining Behaviors Driving Loneliness in the United States.” (May 2018): 3, https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/docs/IndexReport_1524069371598-173525450.pdf
[2] Lifeway Research, “The Greatest Needs of Pastors: A Survey of American Protestant Pastors.” 5, https://research.lifeway.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/The-Greatest-Needs-of-Pastors-Phase-2-Quantitative-Report-Release-1.pdf
[3] Chuck Peters, Jana Magruder, and Stephanie Salvatore, Flip the Script: Disrupting Tradition for the Sake of the Next Generation (Nashville: Lifeway Christian Resources, 2022), 104.
[4] Jim Wilder and Michael Hendricks, The Other Half of the Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation (Chicago: Moody, 2020), 79.
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