When Leading Feels Lonely 

By Crystal Mazzuca 

Do you ever feel lonely as you lead in Kids Ministry? This is not relegated to full-time pastors. Leading week after week can foster feelings of isolation, disconnection, and loneliness in every type of leader. 

While loneliness may be normal, it does not have to be permanent. Here are some practical steps to help combat loneliness in leadership. 

Identify the “Why” 

Take some time to evaluate and identify the “why” behind your loneliness. 

Are you lonely because of your responsibilities? Do you oversee so many things that you do not have time or capacity to cultivate community and your own spiritual growth? Consider praying and asking God to help identify other leaders to take on some of your responsibilities. 

Are you lonely because of confidentiality? Do you find it hard to be yourself and share your most challenging situations because of your position? Consider fostering friendships with Christians outside of your church and ministry circle. 

Are you lonely because of unrealistic expectations either by you or others? Are there expectations that you are available for every need or issue that may come up? Consider evaluating and clarifying expectations, ensuring they are realistic. You can even invite a trusted leader to help you identify and evaluate expectations. Plan a meeting to share your manageable expectations with leadership. 

What to Avoid 

When it comes to loneliness in leadership, there are a few things you should not do.  

Avoid withdrawing. Sometimes loneliness can feel overwhelming and constant. This can lead to ignoring others who may want to help and ignoring the work that needs to happen. Look out for and avoid withdrawing. 

Avoid overworking. It is tempting to think that spending more time doing things would mean less time for loneliness, but loneliness is more about connections with people than filling time with productivity. Look out for and avoid overworking. 

What to Pursue 

In light of what to avoid, here is what you can pursue instead. 

Pursue a support system. Find two to four trusted and godly people with whom you feel safe and respected. Invite these people to be your touchpoints for when loneliness looms. Invite them to speak up when they see unhealthy habits.  

Pursue a mentor. Get connected with a ministry-specific mentor, a spiritual mentor, or both. Allow this mentor to be a person with whom you can share the good, the bad, and the ugly, knowing that the feedback, care, and prayers offered are trustworthy. 

Pursue a leadership group. Many leaders around the country and the world are experiencing loneliness in leadership. You can join a program where you are learning and growing with other leaders. You can also join free groups online connected with your area of expertise or the curriculum you use, like the Hyfi Facebook group. 

While loneliness is normal, it does not have to be your norm. Be intentional to get connected in community today.