Lifeway

Kids Ministry

Dedicated to helping Kids Ministry leaders in their mission of making disciples

Gospel-Centered, Kids Ministry, Kids Ministry Curriculum

What’s the Story with the Story?

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When some kids leaders hear the word story, they hear fiction. It is not surprising then that there is a reluctance to calling what we teach kids a Bible story. Some go further and think it is wrong and even dangerous to use Bible story, believing that it leads kids to think of the Bible as a work of fiction. But is it? There just might be more to this story than meets the eye.

The Gospel Project uses the word story quite a bit. Each session has a Bible story. And we always remind kids that the Bible story each week is part of God’s one big story of Scripture. We aren’t alone in using this phrase; other curriculums do as well. But should we? Are we being unwise, or even harmful, by calling passages Bible stories? Some think we are. 

For some, story is synonymous with a work of fiction. When they hear story they hear fairy tale, myth, or a fable. It is unwise, dangerous, or even wrong then to use story in relation to the Bible. When we do, we communicate to kids that the Bible is untrue. 

Let me pause here and clarify that we at The Gospel Project would certainly hold to the belief that the Bible is absolutely true. That is a deeply held value of ours and it is a big part of what drives our crafting of that resource. Why then do we choose to use story? Because story is a good word to describe the Bible and it is a helpful word to build bridges with our culture, which uses story in many different meaningful ways.

What Story Means 

Here is the first definition of story according to Merriam-Webster:

a. an account of incidents or events

b. a statement regarding the facts pertinent to a situation in question. 

c. anecdote 

As you can see, aside from definition 1c, story is a good word for what is in the Bible. (This will likely blow your mind: myth does not primarily mean something fictional either, which is why you might hear theologians use it at times in reference to the Bible as well, such as the creation myth in Genesis 1-2.) When we use story in relation to the Bible, we are telling kids an account of the incidents or events of God’s plan to rescue people through Jesus Christ. That is one reason why I like story: it connects every passage we study to the overall narrative of Scripture. One alternative word I hear suggested quite often is lesson. That’s not a bad word in many ways, but my concern with using that term is that it can give kids the wrong idea of what the Bible is all about. The Bible is not a collection of unrelated, self-contained lessons to be covered in 60 minutes or so. It is one big story. 

How We Use Story in Our Culture

But let’s move beyond the dictionary and consider how we use story in everyday life. 

When I was a journalist, I wrote news stories.

Facebook has “Top Stories” and a “Stories” feature for people to share what is going on in their lives.

Someone might ask you to tell them your story. You surely would not make up a work of fiction about yourself on the spot. You would know they want to know who you are. 

You might tell your children the story of how you met your spouse or when they were born. 

As we can see, our culture uses story quite often in a way that clearly means real story. This is another reason why I like story: It connects with the people we are trying to reach and it is deep within our wiring. Ever wonder why Hollywood is so successful? Because humans are drawn to stories.  

How We Use Story in Our Faith 

But the case for story gets even stronger when we consider its use in relation to our faith.

The word story appears in some of the beloved hymns many of us grew up singing. “I Love to Tell the Story.” “Tell Me the Old, Old Story.” “You are Called to Tell the Story.” When we sing these hymns, we know they are not positioning the Bible as fiction. We know that story means true story.  

But here is the most important reason why story is a good word for us to use: the Bible uses it. That’s right, the Bible uses story to mean true events. 

  • 2 Kings 8:6 CSB
  • 2 Chronicles 13:22 ESV / KJV
  • 2 Chronicles 24:27 ESV / KJV
  • Psalm 107:2 NIV 
  • Acts 11:4 NIV

If the Bible uses story and many hymns we sang include story without leading us astray, we should not be afraid of using this word. 

Story is not a bad word at all. It is not a dangerous word. And it is not an unwise word. It’s a good word. Do you have to use story? Of course not. But neither should we think those who do are being unfaithful to Scripture. But for those of us who do use story, we need to recognize that the word can be used to mean a work of fiction. Because of this, let’s be wise and pair story with true at least at times. But if the only way the kids know we believe the Bible is true is by our use of a word or phrase to introduce what we are about to read from it, we have bigger issues to consider in what and how we are teaching and how we are living. Our kids should know the Bible is true primarily because they see its truth lived out in and through the story we are living.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Leadership

Equipped for Ministry

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Pursuing opportunities to develop in ministry is important. In this blog post four key questions are shared that you will want to ask yourself as you decide how best to grow for ministry. 

Serving kids and their families is one of the greatest privileges God gives. It’s also one of the greatest responsibilities He gives. Partnering with parents to point their kids to the beauty of the gospel is an odd mixture of joy and doubt. One moment we experience unspeakable joy at seeing God use us to help the gospel take deeper root in a child’s heart and the very next minute we wonder if we have anything to offer kids—anything at all. 

It is during the latter times when we find the old axiom “God doesn’t call the equipped but equips the called” so comforting. It’s good to remember that God provides all we need to serve Him. But this equipping is not automatic. We need to pursue it and choose the best available training from a number of options. Here are four key questions to consider as you pursue your ministry development options: 

1. Why am I pursuing ministry development? While you might be quick to answer that you want to pursue development to serve in ministry better, be careful that there isn’t some other reason lurking deeper down. For some, the real reason is validation—to prove one’s value to others. For others, the deeper reason is career advancement. While neither of these reasons are inherently wrong, neither can be the main reason. Serving kids and parents more faithfully must be. 

2. Do I have the resources? The main resource you need will be time. Do you have the time to invest in development opportunities? The other main resources are money and energy. What resources you have available will greatly influence the specific type of development option you should pursue.

3. What are my informal options? If any one of your three main resources—time, money, and energy—is limited, you will definitely want to go the informal development route. Here are a few of the main options you might pursue:

  • Podcasts. Podcasts are one of the cheapest most accessible options out there today. What can be better than listening to a theology, ministry, or leadership development podcast during a commute to maximize your time? The Kids Ministry 101 podcast is a great place to start.
  • Blogs. Like podcasts, blogs are an inexpensive, accessible option for development. While it is more difficult to multitask while reading blogs, an advantage of this option over podcasts is that it allows you to jot down notes and move more slowly over some content that you want to chew on.  
  • Books. Books require more of a financial investment but they will generally provide more depth than either podcasts or blogs. Many great books also come in audio format, allowing the multitasking win of podcasts with greater depth. 
  • Training Platforms. Training platforms, such as Ministry Grid, requires another step up financially, but opens a new world of training opportunities. Many of the training resources include videos and study guides providing sort of a classroom feel. 
  • Personal discipleship. This one shouldn’t really be an option, but a given. We are all called into discipleship relationships, in both directions. Someone should be pouring into us as we pour into others. If you don’t have someone pouring into you, consider some of the ministry leaders in your community and ask one. 

4. What are my formal options? If you have the time, money, and energy, then formal development might be the way to go. There is something about learning in community at a Bible college or seminary that cannot be matched. Until recently, this meant you either needed to live near a college or seminary or you were able to move to one. But distance learning has blossomed, even allowing you to pursue a PhD from your home. If you are considering this route, it is a big step that requires ample research. Don’t just go with the cheapest or easiest option; you want to make sure you choose an academic institution that meets what you need in all three of these areas:

  • Accreditation. Simply put, only consider accredited institutions. You will likely stumble across a number of internet options that seem too good to be true—because they are. Accreditation is not just important, it is essential. Without it, you cannot be guaranteed of the quality of education you will receive and you greatly limit who will recognize what you earn. 
  • Denomination Affiliation. Be sure to know the denominational affiliation and statement of faith of the institution and be good with both. This will not only affect what you learn in classes, but it might also impact future career opportunities. Like it or not, right or wrong, one of the first items prospective employers will notice on a resume is the academic institutions you attended. 
  • Focus. Not all Bible colleges and seminaries are alike. Many will try to stand out from the crowd by specializing in a particular area of ministry. Know what the institutions you are considering are known for and also be sure to confirm that the degree you are interested in is offered. This is especially important if you are interested in a degree in children’s ministry; not all seminaries offer one. 

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Encouragement, Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Parent Helps, Parenting, Preschool, Preteen

30 Things Parents Should Say to Their Kids

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Words matter. The words parents use have great power to give life to their kids. Here are 30 life-giving things parents should consider saying to their kids on a regular basis.  

In the Book of James we read that the tongue, although quite small, can do great things. We are also warned to control the tongue, because it can just as easily do terrible things (James 3:2-12). When we think of controlling the tongue, we often think of stopping it from saying harmful things, but sometimes the greatest harm a parent’s tongue can do is to be still. It’s not enough for kids not to hear life-taking words, they also need to hear life-giving words. Here are 30 life-giving things parents should consider saying to their kids on a regular basis. 

  1. I love you.
  2. God loves you.
  3. I will always love you no matter what, because you are my son/daughter.
  4. You are a blessing, a gift from God.
  5. I am proud of you.
  6. I am glad that you are my son/daughter.
  7. If God would have let me choose whomever I wanted to be my son/daughter, I would have chosen you. 
  8. When you grow up, you can be whatever God calls you to be. 
  9. You matter because you matter to God.
  10. You can tell me anything, and I will listen. 
  11. God wants you to make much of Him right now wherever you are in whatever you do. 
  12. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?
  13. I forgive you. 
  14. I trust you.
  15. I like who you are. 
  16. Mistakes happen.
  17. God forgives. 
  18. Trust in Christ. 
  19. What are you reading about in your Bible?
  20. What are you talking to God about when you pray? 
  21. You are an image bearer of God, a person of infinite worth. 
  22. Why you do what you do matters as much as what you do. 
  23. How can I pray for you?
  24. Have fun and laugh today.
  25. You have my total attention.
  26. What do you think?
  27. (Grades, sports, etc.) is not most important; God is. 
  28. Let’s do that together. 
  29. You give me joy.
  30. Yes.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Kids Ministry, Teaching Kids

What a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Can Teach Us about Teaching

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When it comes to teaching kids the Bible, we have a choice to make: do we focus on facts, concepts, or both? How we answer that question impacts much of what we do, including our goal in Bible teaching and how we evaluate success. In this blog post, we explore that the gospel we teach includes both facts and concepts and we also consider how to teach both and evaluate our effectiveness accordingly. 

Although it is often considered to be a kids’ food, I’ll eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from time to time. As a kid, I liked my sandwiches with more jelly than peanut butter, cut in half horizontally. Now, I prefer more peanut butter and I cut my sandwiches in half diagonally (yes, I have upped my kitchen knife game). That’s the thing about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches: they can be crafted in so many ways based on the preferences of the person eating it. Smooth or crunchy peanut butter. Grape, strawberry, or some other kind of jelly. White, wheat, or some other bread. But, with all of the variations possible, when it comes down to it, you cannot make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without peanut butter and jelly. It takes both. Peanut butter and jelly, not peanut butter or jelly. And that’s what a peanut butter and jelly sandwich can teach us about teaching. 

Part of teaching is sharing facts. Think of the facts as the peanut butter. This is usually what people think of when they think of teaching; we impart facts to someone else. Our goal of teaching kids the Bible, then, is to teach them the facts of the Bible. They need to know the people, places, and events of Scripture. Let’s use Genesis 22, the sacrifice of Isaac, as an example. 

Think of what a kid needs to know—the facts—of Genesis 22. Your list might include who Abraham was, who Isaac was, who God is (of course), what a burnt offering was, and perhaps where Moriah was. Our objective would be to explain these facts to our kids in a way they would understand them and remember them. We could assess how well we did by asking review questions to see if they get the facts right. 

Now, those facts are critically important, but facts alone does not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich make. We still need the jelly—or in this case, concepts. If the facts are the “what” of the Bible passage, the concepts are the “why” and “how.” Why does this story matter and how does it connect to the bigger story of the Bible? 

Returning to Genesis 22, if all we taught were the facts—we just gave our kids peanut butter—they would miss out on the meaning of the passage. They would know it, but they would not understand it. Think of the concepts that we would want them to understand: how God had promised to bring a Rescuer through this family, how Isaac was the son of promise which drove Abraham’s faith and obedience, how God provided a substitute in Isaac’s place, and how this passage foreshadows a greater Father who would not only be willing to sacrifice His Son, but who did. These concepts show the sweetness of God’s Word—the beauty of the gospel—which is why I think of them as the jelly. But without the facts—the peanut butter—we can never get to these concepts. That is why we need both. We need facts and concepts. Peanut butter and jelly. 

How do we assess our kids’ grasp of these concepts though? Well, a review focused on “why” questions rather than “what” questions might help to a degree, but the deeper, fuller evaluation of our kids’ absorption of these concepts comes over time. Are they understanding the gospel more? Have they trusted in Jesus? Are they experiencing transformation by the power of the gospel? This is why our best ministry takes place when we are consistently with our kids over the long haul. These factors are hard, if not impossible, to evaluate if we are with our kids every few weeks. 

One final lesson from the humble peanut butter and jelly sandwich is in order. Remember how customizable it is? The same is true with our teaching of facts and concepts. For the more concrete thinking preschoolers and younger kids, we want to focus more on facts—lathering on the peanut butter, but still adding some jelly. Younger kids are more concrete in their thinking, not entirely concrete. As the kids get older and can more easily think in abstract terms, you can then gradually shift the balance of the recipe and increase the sweetness by layering on more concepts.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Discipleship, Parenting

From How to Who: Unscrambling the Parent Discipleship Paradox

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One of the greatest ways we can help the kids in our ministries is by helping their parents be better disciplers. But perhaps we usually do that the wrong way: by focusing on tools and techniques rather than on the parents’ own relationship with Christ. In this blog post we use Deut. 6:4-9 as the template showing our greater need to focus on “who” than “how.”

I’m convinced that most of our parents know that they are the primary disciplers of their kids. I’m further convinced that most of our parents want to disciple their kids. But I also know that most (well, perhaps many would be less cynical) of our parents don’t disciple their kids—at least not to a meaningful degree. 

The best impact we can make on our kids is to encourage and equip parents for their role in discipling their kids. What we do with kids matters—a great deal—but if I had just one hour to make a difference in a kid’s life, I would spend those 60 minutes with her parents. But here is what I would not do during that hour: I would not spend all of it talking about how to do family worship or giving the parents resources. Those are really important, but I would reserve only the last few minutes for them. Rather, I would spend the bulk of the time focused on the topic I believe would make the greatest difference—the one which I think we are missing which is why we continue to see a lack of family discipleship. 

Parents don’t need to understand the how of family discipleship as much as they need to understand the who of family discipleship—more specifically, who they, the parents, are in Christ. You anchor that in a parent’s heart, and you give him or her what is needed to disciple. The how must follow this who. 

We see this pattern of “who then how” in the Shema, Deuteronomy 6:4-9. Notice that as a parent, I don’t see a how action point until verse 7. The first three verses—half of the passage—concern my relationship with God. God is not so subtle in His point here, is He? 

Let me go theological nerd on you for a minute—I trust you will appreciate why shortly. In Hebrew writing there is a literary device called the chiasm. Basically think of a chiasm as a sideways pyramid with the point to the right. Each layer of that pyramid relates to the mirrored one. As I study the Shema, I see a chiasm that amplifies the “who then how” principle of parent discipleship:

  • a1) A parent’s love for God (4-5)
    • b1) A parent’s love of the gospel (6)
      • c1) A parent’s grasp of the gospel (6-7)
      • c2) Repeating the gospel in structured ways (7)
    • b2) Talking about the gospel as you go in unstructured ways (7)
  • a2) Living marked by the gospel (8-9)

Let’s start from the inside, the “c” level, the hinge between who and how, and work back out. In verse 6 God tells parents that His words—the Scriptures, which I have labeled “the gospel” which is what the Scriptures are about—are to be on our hearts. On the surface, that means parents are to love the gospel, but inferred here is our need to know the gospel. You cannot love what you do not know. As a parent then—as a follower of Jesus—I need to be spending time in the Word. I need to grow in my understanding of it, which will fuel my love for it. Notice the parent discipleship action connected with it in verse 7—repeating the gospel to our kids in planned, structured ways. That makes total sense, doesn’t it? The more we know the gospel, the more we will be able and apt to repeat it to our kids. Just as you cannot love what you do not know, neither can you repeat what you do not know. So the first thing parents need to understand in order to disciple their kids is that they need to be immersed in God’s Word themselves. As a parent, I need to be a student of the Bible. That who will drive the how. 


The next level, the “b” level, is also found in verses 6 and 7. As we come to know the gospel more and more, our love for it grows proportionally. This prevailing sense of awe of what God has done through Christ is what will lead us as parents to talk about the gospel as we go—in our normal rhythms of life. When our hearts are saturated with love, joy, and gratitude for God’s kindness to us in Christ, how can we not talk about the gospel with our kids? If Jesus is our greatest treasure, how can we not share that treasure with our children? The question of what we have to do as parents in terms of discipleship becomes meaningless. “Have to” gives way to “want to” and “get to.” We want to share the gospel with our kids as part of our daily lives and we are grateful we get to do that. Once again, we see the who driving the how. 

That takes us to the final level, the “a” level, the coupling of verse 4-5 with 8-9. As we spend time in the Scriptures coming to know and love the gospel more, we will naturally come to love the Author of the Gospel more. The same “who then how” principle is at play here. The how of the gospel is critical, but it is secondary to the who of the gospel: God. The gospel compels us to love God fully—with all of our being (heart, soul, and strength). And when we do, our lives will change. We will want God to change us through the power of the gospel and live it out to bring Him glory. And as we do so, we become people marked by the gospel. The gospel becomes our core identifier, not our nationality, ethnicity, socio-economic level, or anything else. Those are not unimportant descriptors, neither are they necessarily bad. But they are not our core sense of identity. Our who rests squarely in the gospel. This is what is in mind when God says that the gospel is to be bound on our hands and foreheads and it is to be written on our doorposts and city gates. The gospel should inform all that we think and do, and it is to be an identifier of our homes, like a house address, and of our communities. The who of being a parent who loves God drives the how of living on mission for God with our families. 
This is what our parents need to know: it all starts with who they are—people who know the gospel, love the gospel, and love the God of the gospel. The how flows from that.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Uncategorized

End Goal

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Begin with the Right End in Mind So You Don’t End Right Before You Begin

One of the core principles in educational philosophy is to start with the end in mind—start with what you want the student to learn or how you want the student’s life to change and work back from there. In this blog post we will see how this applies to kids ministry too. We need to clarify our end goal, but that isn’t making believers or even making disciples; it’s making disciple-making disciples. That end goal should then drive all that we do. 

Imagine taking a pile of lumber and beginning to cut, nail, sand, and paint it without having a plan of what you were building. You could make the most precise of cuts. Your nailing could be out of this world. And your sanding and painting could be meticulous. But in the end, what good would it be if you just had a useless clump of expertly cut, nailed, sanded, and painted wood? 

It’s an absurd illustration, right? Who does that? No one! Instead, you start with a plan and then you work that plan. The same is true in the kitchen—you start with a recipe, or at least know what you are making, and then get after it. Or on a road trip, you know your destination before you begin. 

But when it comes to kids ministry, we may not always lead this way. We may not always have in mind the end—our goal—as we plan, lead, and conduct ministry. As a result, we may experience great ministry from week-to-week, but that ministry may not be moving our kids toward where they need to go. So what are we after? Where are we going? What is our goal? 

The knee-jerk answer might be that we are helping our kids become believers. We help kids trust in Jesus Christ for salvation. John 3:16 would be the mission verse of this ministry. This answer is fantastic because it’s true. What we do in ministry should drive each and every kid toward trusting in Christ. That’s our desire at least. But then what? If that is the goal, we reach it every time a child trusts in Christ … so we would be done. There would be nothing else left to do. But we know that is not the case, so this cannot be the goal of our ministry. 

Perhaps, then, our goal is helping kids become disciples. Trusting in Christ is not the end of the journey, but rather the beginning. We want to help kids grow in their faith and become more Christlike. Matthew 28:18-20 would be the mission verse of this ministry. This answer is even better than the first because it is more complete. It gives context to a long-term ministry to kids, one which hands them off to student ministry and then adult ministry to continue that discipleship process. You can see how this end goal frames our ministries differently than the first. The first would focus solely on evangelism; this one might begin with evangelism, but also would include ways the gospel changes us to be more like Christ. But to what purpose? If we are fully forgiven and righteous in Christ, why grow in that faith? So there has to be even more to our goal than this.  

This is important. Our goal is not just to make believers or even disciples; our goal is to help our kids become disciple-making disciples. We want our kids to trust in Christ and grow in their relationship with Him so that they might be able to help others trust in Christ and become disciples as well. This ministry is marked by evangelism of our kids, discipleship of our kids, and evangelism and discipleship training for our kids to reach and disciple others. The mission verse for this ministry would be 2 Timothy 2:2. This end goal gives the deepest and broadest context to all we do. It supplies the greater “why”—it’s not about us, it’s ultimately about God’s glory and God is greatly glorified when more people trust in Christ. That is why we exist. That is why we are left on earth after trusting in Christ rather than being whisked to heaven, so that we can do what we will not be able to do in eternity—make disciple-making disciples. 

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Encouragement, Family

5 Lessons I’m Learning as a Dad of Kids with Anxiety

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Many kids struggle with anxiety today, not a mere nervousness, but rather what can be an overwhelming and paralyzing fear. In this blog post, I share a few lessons I’m learning on how to help my own kids who struggle with anxiety in hope that they help you navigate the anxiety that might occur in your ministry.

Anxiety is an ever-present foe in my family, one which I despise. Two of my kids struggle with anxiety pretty much on a daily basis, and as their father, it destroys me to see it. Anxiety, like depression, is a word we throw around quite a bit, so let me explain what I mean, or perhaps rather what I don’t mean.

When I say my kids struggle with anxiety, I don’t mean that they worry some or that they get nervous on occasion. Oh, they do worry and get nervous, but it’s much more than that. For most of us, we can control those feelings. We can make sense of them and keep them in proportion. But my kids can’t. Their anxiety overwhelms them. It plagues their minds and crushes their hearts. That’s why I say they struggle with anxiety. They don’t want to be anxious and they try to fight against it, but it is a battle they often lose. They don’t just have anxiety; anxiety has them.

For my family, we see anxiety manifest itself in so many ways: going to school, being in new situations, experiencing changes in our routine, knowing where mom is, and even seeing a friend in the park. Handling these episodes of anxiety is challenging enough for me, let alone knowing how to help my kids during them. I tend not to be a worrier, so it’s hard for me to relate with what they are experiencing. Plus, I’m a problem-solver; I want to fix what is “broken” so I often come at these episodes from that unrealistic posture. Add to the mix that I am a selfish sinner who often lacks the grace and patience my kids need and deserve, and it is a formula of failure more than one of success.

But in God’s kindness, He is teaching me—ever so slowly—how to support my kids during and through their anxiety. Here are five lessons He’s driving into me:

1. Knowing what not to say matters … greatly. We mean well, but often our desire to say something outweighs the wisdom of what we actually say. The result is that we can offer what comes across as platitudes. I’ve told my kids, “don’t worry,” but I can see how that rings hollow. Telling them not to worry, as if they can but are choosing not to, just doesn’t help. In that moment they cannot not worry. Another one I’ve said is, “everything is OK.” While I know that to be true, my kids don’t feel that truth in the moment. Rather, it’s better for me to acknowledge their struggle. Acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is difficult and let them know I’m sorry they are experiencing it, but I will be with them during it and through it. “This stinks. I’m so sorry you are feeling this right now. I’m here with you. We will get through it.” 

Likewise, be careful about quoting Bible passages, such as Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7, or 1 Peter 5:7, as if a kid struggling with anxiety only needs to understand and believe these verses to be OK. Yes, the gospel is the ultimate answer for all that is broken in the world, but just as we wouldn’t quote Psalm 103:3 instead of giving penicillin to a child with pneumonia, we shouldn’t only give Bible verses to our kids. Rather, we want to remind our kids of God’s sovereign power and His love for them. We want to encourage our kids that the gospel says that in Christ, they are fully loved and accepted by God, no matter what—even if they might feel like a failure because of their worries and doubts. Give them life through God’s Word, not potential, albeit accidental, condemnation. 

2. Patience is not a virtue; patience is a necessity. Perhaps my greatest struggle with my kids’ anxiety is my lack of patience. It’s actually a problem for me in general, but when it comes to helping kids navigate anxiety, patience is not a virtue, it’s a must. So the best thing for us to do is to pray up. Remind ourselves that the kid doesn’t want to be anxious—it’s not a choice. Ask God to help frustration give way to compassion. Step away for a minute if possible and needed. Getting frustrated, or even mad as I have done at times, doesn’t help anyone—you, or especially the kid. 

3. Find and Encourage Tools that Help. My kids have been helped a great deal with tools taught or given to them by counselors. Perhaps it is saying something or focusing thoughts on something. Or perhaps it is squeezing a stress ball. Having tools to use can greatly help a child experiencing anxiety, but there may be times when the anxiety is so severe, it’s difficult to even get the kid to use those tools. Be ready for that. For me, it only adds to my frustration, so I need to be mentally and spiritually ready to help my kids help themselves when they refuse to use the tools they have been given. The flip side of this is that a kid who has found tools that work can provide help and encouragement to others. We have seen this with our kids helping one another when one is struggling and it is a beautiful reminder of God’s kindness to use any bad for His glory (see Gen 50:20).  

4. Routines Give Comfort. The best way to help with anxiety is to help your kid proactively. One of the best methods I have found is to create and guard routines as much as possible. For my kids, new and different prompt panic. The fear of the unknown is very real for them. As a result, we try to guard our family routine as much as we can. Comfortable, familiar rhythms are a balm on the mind and heart of a child who struggles with anxiety. But there will be times when new situations cannot, and should not, be avoided. Prepare your kid for the upcoming event by reviewing the schedule, talking about specific areas that might prompt anxiety, and planning on what tools would be most helpful.

5. Lighten the load. In light of the last tip, do what you can to lighten the load. Keep life as consistent and simple as possible. This means saying “no” to plenty of things, even good things. For our family, this might mean abstaining from various one-time events that pop up and trying to protect our daily schedule as best as we can (such as dinner time and bedtime). In the classroom, this might mean being extra careful about changing your routine, and when you do, giving any kids who struggle with anxiety plenty of advance notice. Talk them through exactly what will be happening … and be ready to have that conversation more than just once!

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Kids Ministry, Leadership, Recruiting

End the Recruiting Woes: Recruit Like Jesus!

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The temptation in recruiting leaders is to reduce the ask—to lower the bar—so that we increase the chances of people saying yes. But this can result in the wrong people saying yes for the wrong reasons. In this blog post, we will see that Jesus gives us a better way. The key is not to lower the bar in our recruiting, but rather to raise it. 

It never ends. There aren’t even any breaks. Instead, it comes at us with a cruel relentlessness. You know what I am talking about.

Recruiting. 

We all recruit. We all know we need to recruit. But none of us like to recruit. Actually, we can’t stand it. (Well, I’m sure there is someone out there who enjoys recruiting just like there are people who like okra.)

Perhaps the reason why we are always recruiting is that we experience too much turnover. And perhaps we experience too much turnover because we aren’t recruiting the best way—the right way. 

Think about how recruiting is often done in kids ministry: it often feels more like begging and bartering than inviting. In our desperation to fill open slots, we either beg our church as a whole, or we go to people we feel might be more inclined to say “yes,” if we beg them enough. Our pitch often comes across as a guilt trip, which is another reason we don’t like to recruit. Our recruiting feels like we’re trying to coerce people into a toilet-paper-of-the-month multi-level marketing venture. Or, we go a different route and reduce the ask. We know someone committing to teach every week would be best—to build relationships and consistency—but our beggars-can’t-be-choosers posture leads us to settle for less—much less. “Are you breathing and are you willing to commit to whenever February 29th is a Sunday? Great, then sign right here!”

We might get more “yeses” this way, but not all yeses are created equal. Many of those yesses become uncommitted, unreliable leaders who usually drop out the first chance they get, meaning—you guessed it—we need to recruit again. 

What if there were a better way? Actually, there is. It’s the way Jesus recruited followers, a way devoid of begging and bartering. It’s a way that does the exact opposite—it almost scares people off. We see it in Luke 14:25-33.

At the beginning of this passage, large crowds were chasing after Jesus. That was exactly what He wanted, right? Wrong. Jesus knew that these people were not following Him for the right reason. They were uncommitted and unreliable. They were superficial. Sound familiar? So what did He do? He gave them every reason not to stay, but rather to leave. 

“Want to follow Me? Fine. It will cost you your family (v. 26), your possessions (v. 33), and even your own life (v. 26-27). It will cost you everything. So count the cost now or walk away (v. 28-32). OK, now who needs a pen to sign up?”

Do you see Jesus’ point? Following Him is a high calling. It means something. It’s not for the uncommitted or faint of heart. 

The same is true of serving in kids ministry! We aren’t beggars with empty pockets turned inside-out. We don’t recruit from a posture of need, but rather from one of opportunity. We are inviting people to the high calling of partnering with us and parents to shepherd and disciple the next generation. Surely serving in kids ministry takes a sacrifice of time and energy, but only through the depth of that sacrifice are we able to find the depth of reward—kids hearing the gospel, responding to the gospel, being changed by the gospel, and living out the gospel. 

My friends, don’t be ashamed of that which Christ is not. Don’t lower the bar that Jesus raised. Recruit the way Jesus did. And when you do, you might just find you will recruit less, and maybe—just maybe—you will miss it.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 6

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When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But, of course, it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kids leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

So far we have covered:

  1. Every curriculum is crafted around a set of core values.  
  2. The goal is to teach the Bible, not the curriculum.
  3. There is no perfect curriculum.
  4. Teaching God’s Word takes work.
  5. The best teaching experiences include activities and group interaction.

And finally…

  1. A curriculum is just one part of a comprehensive discipleship strategy.

A good curriculum is an important part of a discipleship strategy, but it is not all of it. As we think about our call to disciple kids we have to think beyond curriculum. Discipleship takes the form of living life together side-by-side, participating in small groups, gathering in worship, and much more. A good curriculum can go a long way in your discipleship efforts, but it cannot cross the finish line by itself.

This means that we need to think about how the curriculum we are using complements our greater discipleship efforts. It’s not all up to the curriculum, as important of a role as it may play. But before we can consider that, we really need to be clear of what discipleship is.

In his book, The Drama of Doctrine, theologian Kevin Vanhoozer argues that Scripture should be read more like a drama—like a script intended not just to be read, but acted out. I like that analogy. Our goal is not to study the Bible to learn facts—although they are important. Our goal is to study the Bible as our script pointing us to what Jesus has done and what we are to do now in light of what He has done. This means that we need to consider carefully how the gospel affects how we live today in our unique context. That, to me, is a great way to think of discipleship. Discipleship is not about just learning data. Neither is it about just behaving in a set way. It is about knowing Christ and understanding the heart of the gospel such that we might be able to live in any and every context in accordance with God as we bring Him glory.

Do you see why a curriculum cannot be mistaken for a comprehensive discipleship strategy? It can only be one part of such a strategy because as we talked before about there being no perfect curriculum, your context is unique. And that unique context requires discipleship that cannot rest solely in a curriculum, no matter how good it might be.

So as you consider the curriculum you use, recognize its strengths and weaknesses. Recognize where it helps your context’s discipleship efforts and where it does not. Be aware of other ministry efforts (such as VBS) that cover the areas of discipleship the curriculum does not. Above all, be clear of any unique role the curriculum you use plays in your discipleship efforts.

Questions for reflection

  • How do you see the curriculum you use integrating into a larger discipleship strategy? Are there any unique aspects of discipleship that the curriculum and your Bible study time alone can fulfill?
  • Do you see yourself as a discipler of your kids? Why or why not?

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership, Teaching Kids

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 5

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When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But, of course it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kids leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

So far we have covered:

  1. Every curriculum is crafted around a set of core values.  
  2. The goal is to teach the Bible, not the curriculum.
  3. There is no perfect curriculum.
  4. Teaching God’s Word takes work.

Next up …

  1. The best teaching experiences include activities and group interaction.

Since I already stepped on some toes in the last post, I may as well go ahead and stomp on some more in this one. Here goes. The worst teaching we can do is lecturing. That’s not my opinion; it’s supported by research. Kids learn the least by just hearing. So the best teaching actually occurs as we, as leaders, talk less, not more. That doesn’t mean we should say nothing of course. We have an important role to play and we have to talk to explain God’s Word and lead discussion. But our goal needs to be to keep that to a minimum.

This is why a good curriculum will feature a variety of interactive learning techniques, no matter what age it is designed for—babies through adults. Those discussion questions aren’t filler; they are essential. Those activities are not merely ways to pass the time to fill an hour; they are designed to help kids learn.

As teachers, we need to be sure to guard time for interaction and guard against pride. Pride is what often drives us to want to lecture—we believe people need to hear what we have to say. And again to a degree, that is true—if you have taken the time to work at what you are teaching and being led by the Holy Spirit. But our kids don’t need to hear just from us. They need to hear from one another and they need to share themselves as well. They need to hear, see, write, and do. The more learning styles you can include, the better.

One final word of note deserves mentioning here. No matter what age group you lead, be sure to build in time for rabbit chasing. It’s ok to go “off script” at times. Sometimes those moments are the most important ones your group will experience. They can be divine appointments. Now, we always need to be careful about venturing down frivolous rabbit trails but don’t barricade the good ones too. A sincere question often deserves a sincere response. And one kid’s question is often not unique.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to Lifeway. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

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