Encouragement

Encouragement, Family, Kids Ministry, Parent Helps

March 25, 2020

How to Have a Family Worship Experience at Home

Many churches are pushing pause on gathering their congregants for weekly worship services during this season of coronavirus risk, including children’s ministry classes and groups. While many of us might be tempted to enjoy a break from church, that’s the last thing we really need. At times like this, we desperately need God’s Word to reassure us that He is in control; we need to sing songs that remind us of His power; we need worship.

The Bible teaches us to “watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together (emphasis mine), as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25, CSB) We know, as Christ followers, that we are called to gather together as the Church—the bride of Christ Himself. However, as we retreat to the safety of our houses under city ordinances and precaution, we should look around and recognize that the very people we live with in our homes are part of that same calling—our family. We should continue (or start) to gather together to worship as a family.

Whether you are a parent, a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or friendly neighbor, you can still gather together for a worship experience. This may sound intimidating to you, like something you are not equipped for, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact now is the perfect time to start doing a family worship time, and to keep doing long after coronavirus leaves us.

If you read the portion of Deuteronomy 6 sometimes referred to as the Shema, it’s easy to see that family discipleship is a scriptural command: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (emphasis mine).”(Deuteronomy 6:5-7, CSB) So, let’s face it. Many of us will be “sitting in our houses”—with our kids or other family members—for longer periods of time than we are currently used to, as some schools may close and workplaces may go to a temporary remote work model. Chances are, your family might be experiencing some anxiety in this unprecedented situation. Use this extra time wisely and talk about God’s Word—the ultimate soother of our souls and healer of our hearts!

Try this to get you started: read, pray, sing—repeat! In his little book, Family Worship, Donald S. Whitney gives a simple formula for how to have a family worship time. Most of us are capable of doing this. Just gather your crew, open your Bibles, read a chapter or two aloud, say a prayer, and sing a song!

Read: You might choose to go through one of the Gospels together, or read a Psalm and a chapter from Proverbs. The ages of your children might dictate the content you choose. If you have younger children, consider grabbing one of their Bible storybooks and selecting a Bible story to read aloud while showing pictures. Older children and teens can help read aloud portions of Scripture. Everyone can add to the discussion by asking questions and offering comments. And guess what? If you don’t know the answer, that’s ok. Acknowledge the great question and offer to do some research and report back next time. Of course kids and teenagers are really good at asking questions that we would all like to know, but simply won’t have the answer this side of Heaven. It’s okay if that’s your answer too.

Pray: End your Bible reading and discussion time in prayer. You can ask your family what they would like to pray for. Are they worried and fearful about the coronavirus? Are people you know in your community actually sick with COVID-19 and need prayer? Is anyone in your family lonely and feeling isolated from friends and classmates? Is there too much sibling conflict from being cooped up? Offer prayers of hope and encouragement, repentance, and intercession.

Sing: Close your family worship time by singing a song or two. Singing together might feel strange if you’ve never done so before. You might start by playing a worship song your family is familiar with from church worship or the radio. Ask everyone to sing along. Or, sing simple hymns that everyone knows—no accompaniment necessary.

Now, repeat the routine. It will get more comfortable each time. Try gathering weekly and work up to bi-weekly or even daily. This habit could change your family forever.

It may be inevitable that your church cannot gather for one or more weeks, but that does not mean you shouldn’t gather as a family and experience the one true God together through His Word, through prayer, and through song. As an extension to your family worship time, my team at LifeWay Kids has put together a family worship experience for you, which includes a Bible story video and life application videos, as well as a discussion guide and activity sheet to download. Simply follow the steps below.

Step 1: Go to digitalpass.lifeway.com.

Step 2: Register if you are a new user or log in if you already have an account.

Step 3: Look for LifeWay Kids at Home and LifeWay Preschool at Home in the “Watch Now” section

This article originally appeared on Christianity Today.

Encouragement, Kids Ministry, Parent Helps, Parenting

March 16, 2020

4 Truths For The Discouraged Parent

By Michael Kelley

Parenting is hard.

Newsflash, right? While nobody who has ever had a child is surprised by that statement, what has been consistently surprising to my wife and I is that raising kids seems to get harder rather than easier. We thought it was hard when we had a kid in diapers who needed constant monitoring. Then we thought it was harder when our kids started going to school and we were worried about everything they would encounter out there in the big, wide world. Then we thought it was harder when our kids began to move into the teenage years as we tried to help them navigate the social and societal issues they found in middle and high school. At every stage, we have looked at each other, sometimes in exasperation, and said, “I thought this would get easier.” But it hasn’t. And I suppose it doesn’t.

That can be discouraging. I know it has been for us at times. So as I sit and write this morning, I’m thinking about some things that might have been encouraging for us to remember during those moments of fear, anxiety, and apprehension. What might be encouraging to the discouraged parent this morning? Here are four, if that’s you:

1. None of us really know what we’re doing.

Instagram is not to be believed. Despite the well posed pictures and cute stories of kids making a mess and parents not getting frustrated, none of us really know what we’re doing. We are all, as moms and dads, just trying to figure this thing out one step at a time. That doesn’t mean we can’t glean wisdom from people who have been parenting longer than we have; it does mean, though, that even the most seasoned parents don’t have it all figured out.

Now on the surface, that reality might seem to add further to our discouragement. After all, what hope is there for us if nobody knows the great secret to raising kids who love and are committed to Jesus? But the opposite is actually true. It’s an encouraging thing to remember that if we are confused, if we are questioning, if we are even afraid, then we are not alone. Not by a long shot. Even further, if we recognize that none of us really know what we’re doing it gives us the freedom to lean on each other’s prayer, council, and support and actually try and parent together rather than in an isolated kind of shame.

2. Time is the best gift, and a great ally.

One of the reasons we get discouraged as parents is that we don’t know what to do for and with our kids. Should we give them the piece of technology they want? Should we buy them new clothes? Should we take them on great vacations? What should we give them, and what should we do with them, that won’t mess them up? We can easily drift into decision paralysis, constantly analyzing all our actions to see if we have done more harm than good.

Here’s the encouraging word in this respect – time is the best gift we can give our children. Of course, it’s also one of the hardest gifts we can give. It’s a lot easier to give our kids a phone than it is to carve out uninterrupted hours with them. But nothing will ever replace, I believe, the simple gift of time we are willing to spend with our children. When you accept that as a fact, it simplifies a lot of things. Namely, it means that throwing a ball, or having a conversation, or building a Lego house, or listening to music, or whatever we can do that helps us spend focused, consistent time with our children is never the wrong choice.

Even further, time is not only the best gift, it’s a great ally. I know it can also be discouraging when it seems like time is slipping away from us and our kids are getting older quicker than we are ready for them to. But when we administer consistent discipline, when we say the same things over and over again, when we provide a constant safe space for our children, time is not our enemy – it’s our friend.

3. Principles are more helpful than prescriptions.

Let’s say you read some kind of parenting book. It’s written by an expert with a pristine track record in raising humans, so you naturally try to take everything the author says and implement it in your home exactly as you read it. How’d that work out?

Yeah, not great for us either, and the reason is simple:

Your kids are not the author’s kids. Neither are mine. We are all raising humans, not pets. And because we are raising humans, it means that implementing every detail of someone else’s home is at best, unrealistic, and at worst, destructive, because we are failing to account for the individual personalities, traits, and gifts in our own homes. Or to put it even more harshly, doing so is taking the lazy road of parenting rather than actually doing the hard work of thinking about how these practices would fit into our own homes.

Principles are good. Very good. Things we can learn from. But prescriptions are bad. If you are discouraged as a parent because someone else’s prescriptions don’t work in your home, then see if you can isolate the principle behind that prescription. Think deeply about the end game, and then rather than adopting the practice itself, contextualize that principle into your own household.

4. Jesus loves our kids more than we do.

And then there’s this. This beautiful truth. This life-giving reality. This hope-restoring bedrock. Jesus loves our kids more than we do.

One of the reasons we get discouraged as parents is because we have to daily recognize our own limitations. We want the best for our children, but ultimately, these are people who will – and should – make their own decisions. We are frighteningly limited in the end in terms of how much we can manufacture in our kids. But Jesus is not.

Jesus is unlimited in His love, wisdom, and power. And just as He gave His life for us, so also He gave His life for our children. He can do everything that we cannot. When we feel the weight of our responsibility in light of our lack of personal resources, we can look to the Son of God who loves our kids more than we do.

Parents, we have a hard job. One in which we will daily feel ill-equipped to perform. But take heart today. Lift up your eyes. Let that feeling of discouragement point you to the source of our adequacy and sustenance, and ask the Lord for another piece of daily bread.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, Tenn., with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua, Andi, and Christian. He serves as the Sr. Vice President of Church Ministries for LifeWay Christian Resources. He is the author of Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus, Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life.

Encouragement, Kids Ministry, Teacher Appreciation, Volunteers

February 12, 2020

Volunteer Appreciation Resources for Spring

By Kids Ministry 101

Use these downloads to show thanks for your volunteers in a fun way this spring.

Click to download : Thanks for making Kids Ministry sweet! tags

Click to download : We are soda-lighted tags

Click to download : There’s muffin else tags

Encouragement

February 12, 2020

Longing to Belong

By Kids Ministry 101

By Andrew Peterson

During our first ten years in Nashville our family lived in four different houses. We liked the adventure of a new place. But after Jayber Crow I was done with transience. I was stirred by a longing to care for the land under my feet, to work in partnership with the earth instead of in opposition to it, to learn the names of the birds and the flora and fauna as well as the names of my neighbors, and to shepherd some corner of this planet for the sake of the kingdom. As far as it was in my limited power to do so, I wanted to mend the world—even if it was just a few acres of it.

As nice as it was to live in a little Nashville subdivision, pushing a stroller through the neighborhood in the evening and being close enough to Percy Priest Lake to take our little Sunfish sailboat out at a moment’s notice, Jamie and I both knew it wasn’t the house we wanted to die in. Our neighborhood, like so many subdivisions, practically embodied the word transitory. Neighbors came and went. New streets were always being carved out of the tree line. Every other day, it seemed, a “For Sale” sign showed up in someone’s yard. It wasn’t the kind of place we could imagine our grandchildren getting excited to visit.

By then, several of our friends had moved to East Nashville, where at the time you could still buy a pretty bungalow and renovate it on the cheap. There were cool restaurants and historic neighborhoods (a little known fact: the outlaw Jesse James lived there for a while while he was on the lam). Now East Nashville is the hipster center of town and the bungalows are priced like mansions, so we missed that boat. Then one day we visited some old college friends who had just found a farmhouse in South Nashville. Only minutes from the city, a winding road took us past cattle ponds and ramshackle barns, over bridges that spanned Mill Creek, and finally up a gravel drive to their hundred-year-old farmhouse. As soon as we arrived, I broke the tenth commandment. Sort of. I didn’t exactly covet my neighbor’s house, but I coveted the land. I coveted the peace and quiet, the story of the farm, the stands of hackberry and white oak and cedar. I immediately wanted to move there. By this time I had found in Nashville a people to belong to—could this be the place?

I sat on their front porch, eyeing a little house across the pasture. “Do you think any of your neighbors will ever sell?” He told me it was doubtful since the other houses on the hill were occupied by members of the family that had grown up there. But, come to think of it, the old cabin at the top of the hill was for sale. Jamie and I drove up and checked it out, but it was on twelve acres and well out of our price range. As we disappointedly crunched back down the gravel drive I had a vision. It burned itself onto my imagination so brightly that I can still see it now, clear as day. I saw Skye as a little pigtailed girl in overalls tearing through the meadow in the spring, the air full of sunlit pollen. Even as I pictured it I grieved because it didn’t seem possible that we’d ever live there. So we kept looking. I continued to wrestle with my discontent: was it worldliness or was it the Holy Spirit pulling me toward something? I just couldn’t tell.

Then about a year later my old roomie called and said his neighbors had in fact decided to sell, at a price we just might be able to afford. Jamie and I met with the owners, then we drove out there every day for weeks, dreaming, wondering, praying. I drove friends out to show them the property, asking their opinions, seeking wisdom. One day Jason Gray and I sat on the front porch of what would one day be our home and he prayed that God would give us the wisdom to know if we should try and buy it.

The catch was, the house was 25 percent smaller than our current one. And it wasn’t exactly pretty. The kitchen was literally the size of a walk-in closet and the décor wasn’t, shall we say, “aligned with Jamie’s taste.” But the building itself wasn’t what interested me. All I could see when I looked out the front window was that daydream of Skye’s pigtails bouncing through the meadow. (The boys probably weren’t in the daydream because they were busy building forts in the daydream woods.)

In the end, we went for it. Without knowing America was on the verge of the Great Recession, we sold our subdivision home for a tiny profit and bought a house in one of the last rural pockets of Davidson County. The day we moved in, Jamie cried. They weren’t happy tears, mind you. Our kids were growing by the minute, I was touring more or less constantly, and we had just done a very un-American thing: we had downsized. We had also down-styled. The old vinyl flooring was, well, old. One corner of the outdated carpet had been chewed up by the former owners’ cat. The kitchen, as I said, was miniscule. None of this would have been hard for her except that we had gotten used to the relative niceness of the subdivision house. “But look at the land,” I would say, encouragingly, with a grand sweep of my hand. Bless her heart, she took a deep breath and dug in. I love that woman.

“Can we please replace the carpet sooner than later?” she asked on the day we closed.

“Of course,” I said without really looking at how bad the carpet was. “We’ll get to it.” My mind was on cutting trails and building tree houses. I went out for a weekend of shows and came home to a shock. There was a pile of old carpet in the front yard. Jamie had single handedly torn it up and hauled it out with an iron will.

“Now. About that carpet,” she said with a smile. “Here are some choices for hardwood flooring.” Like I said, I love that woman. Without delay, she began making our house beautiful. And I started reclaiming the land. When we moved in I was finishing my first reading of Richard Adams’s masterpiece Watership Down, about a community of rabbits on a great journey to find a new warren. Not only was our new place built on the side of a very English-looking down, there were always rabbits in the front pasture.

We named our place the Warren—not only because our journey mirrored Hazel and Fiver’s, and not only because of the rabbits that abounded, but because the new house was so small that there were times—especially when the kids had friends over and it was too rainy to play outside and we were stepping on LEGOs® and bumping into each other in the tiny kitchen—when we felt like we were living in a little underground rabbit hole.

Don’t get me wrong. I know many people don’t have homes at all, so I shouldn’t be complaining about the size or weird layout of the house. I’m just saying that downsizing ain’t easy, especially with three small children. Especially—especially when one of the two parents has a job that requires weeks of travel. (Sorry, Jamie.) But when the kids came in with skinned knees from climbing trees, or when the sun threw golden light at the hill in the late afternoon and we all went out to watch the clouds catch fire, or when we woke in the misty morning and walked the trails in Warren Wood and saw the kids’ tree forts quietly awaiting their return, or when we sat on the porch on warm nights and listened to the barred owls calling to each other from the dark branches, we knew we had chosen wisely. God had provided a place we could love, a place our grandchildren could love as much as our children did. About five years in, we were able to build an addition that made the inside as lovely as the outside—and once again it was because Jamie, too, had a picture in her mind, and did the hard, creative work of incarnating it.

I tell you all this because place matters.

Of course, not everyone can move to the country, nor should they. But wherever you are, you might as well go ahead and pull up the carpet. Make it beautiful, even if you can’t afford it. Let your imagination run wild. Give your house a name. Watch how it changes the way you treat it. Let thy kingdom come, thy will be done, in our house as it is in heaven. I started keeping bees. Those bees pollinate the flowers we put in the ground.

Jamie hung pictures on the walls. She keeps candles lit in whatever room we’re hanging out in, year-round. If we ever move (and I hope we don’t) we will have left our mark on this home and on this property. When I walk the trails now I can hear the memory of laughter echoing in the trees. We have become members of this place, members of this community, of this kingdom—praying His will to be done in these woods as it is in heaven.

Andrew Peterson is an award-winning singer-songwriter and author. In 2008, driven by a desire to cultivate a strong Christian arts community, Andrew founded a ministry called The Rabbit Room.

Encouragement, Kids Ministry, Leadership

January 29, 2020

What is on Your Kidmin Bucket List?

By Landry Holmes

Until the release of the 2007 feature film The Bucket List, I didn’t know I was supposed to have such a list. In fact I was unfamiliar with the concept of checking off certain “to-do” items before I die, or “kick the bucket.” Bucket lists may include skydiving, bungee jumping, rock climbing, solo flying, bull riding, and so forth. My bucket list is short and fairly risk averse. One item is already checked off: Go to a major NASCAR race.

Maybe you have a long bucket list, or perhaps you have no desire to make such a list. As we begin a new year in a new decade, now may be a good time to think about the things you want to accomplish in kids ministry in the next 12 months, or 10 years.

Keep in mind that a bucket list is not the same as a litany of ministry goals. Goals tend to be challenging, yet attainable. A bucket list disregards barriers, such as budget constraints. As you compose your list, pretend there are no obstacles keeping you from checking off the items. Here are some questions to ask to get you started:

What is the one kidmin event you want to host?
What is the one physical item you wish your church would build?
What is the one thing you want to do to influence kids ministry beyond your local church?
Who is the one ministry leader you would like to take for coffee?
What is the one place you would like to visit that could impact your ministry?

Still not convinced a kidmin bucket list is for you? I suggest you try making one that is non-binding. Keep it private, if you so desire. Go ahead, it will be fun!

Landry Holmes is the Manager of LifeWay Kids Ministry Publishing. A graduate of Howard Payne University and Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Landry served on church staffs before joining LifeWay Kids. He is a church leader, writer, workshop facilitator, and publisher. Landry also teaches children at his church in Middle Tennessee. He and his wife Janetta are the parents of two adult sons and two daughters-in-law, and the grandparents of four adorable grandchildren.

Encouragement, Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Parent Helps, Parenting, Preschool, Preteen

January 27, 2020

30 Things Parents Should Say to Their Kids

By Brian Dembowczyk

Words matter. The words parents use have great power to give life to their kids. Here are 30 life-giving things parents should consider saying to their kids on a regular basis.

In the Book of James we read that the tongue, although quite small, can do great things. We are also warned to control the tongue, because it can just as easily do terrible things (James 3:2-12). When we think of controlling the tongue, we often think of stopping it from saying harmful things, but sometimes the greatest harm a parent’s tongue can do is to be still. It’s not enough for kids not to hear life-taking words, they also need to hear life-giving words. Here are 30 life-giving things parents should consider saying to their kids on a regular basis.

I love you.
God loves you.
I will always love you no matter what, because you are my son/daughter.
You are a blessing, a gift from God.
I am proud of you.
I am glad that you are my son/daughter.
If God would have let me choose whomever I wanted to be my son/daughter, I would have chosen you.
When you grow up, you can be whatever God calls you to be.
You matter because you matter to God.
You can tell me anything, and I will listen.
God wants you to make much of Him right now wherever you are in whatever you do.
I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?
I forgive you.
I trust you.
I like who you are.
Mistakes happen.
God forgives.
Trust in Christ.
What are you reading about in your Bible?
What are you talking to God about when you pray?
You are an image bearer of God, a person of infinite worth.
Why you do what you do matters as much as what you do.
How can I pray for you?
Have fun and laugh today.
You have my total attention.
What do you think?
(Grades, sports, etc.) is not most important; God is.
Let’s do that together.
You give me joy.
Yes.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to LifeWay. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Encouragement, Kids Ministry, Leadership

January 8, 2020

Taking Care of Yourself As A Leader

By Delanee Williams

As a kids minister, it’s easy to find ourselves so busy serving others that we don’t make time to care for ourselves. As a leader, it’s imperative to take care of yourself in order to lead effectively. If you’re like me, you’ve heard these reminders before (maybe even multiple times). With the new year approaching, it’s a great time for these reminders.

Take Care of Yourself Spiritually. Your relationship with Christ is the most important relationship in your life. Make sure you’re spending time reading the Bible, praying, and memorizing Scripture. Commit to attending corporate worship. Take a day each week for your Sabbath. Don’t be so busy SERVING Christ, that you aren’t BEING with Christ.

Take Care of Yourself Physically. This reminder may seem silly to some of you, but I’ve found it’s the one people most often neglect. We find ourselves going and going and going until we literally can go no more. We must guard ourselves to prevent burnout. Get adequate sleep. Schedule time to walk or run (this is a great time to pray or memorize Scripture.) Aim for nutritious selections with your food.

Take Care of Yourself Mentally. Be a lifelong learner. Read for work and pleasure. Audio books and podcasts (Kids Ministry 101) are great to listen to while commuting, especially in traffic. Carve out time for your hobby.

Take Care of Yourself Socially. As a kids ministry leader, it’s easy to find yourself isolated from adults not in kids ministry. Seek to be a part of an adult group in your church. Better yet, one that you aren’t leading. Be a part of a network with other kids ministry leaders from your area or state. It’s imperative to connect with other kids ministry leaders who understand the challenges of kids ministry. Take time to be with family and friends.

If you’re not intentional about these aspects in your life, they won’t happen. As you reflect on this past year and look to the upcoming year, take time to reflect and pray. In what ways can you take better care of yourself in order to be a better leader in kids ministry?

Encouragement, Kids Ministry, Leadership, Ministry

December 18, 2019

4 Things You Can Do Now to Prepare for January

By Landry Holmes

Why do we do this? Why do we over schedule ourselves during December to the point that when December 25^th finally arrives we’re exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically? There are the church staff parties, kidmin leadership parties, preschool and children’s ministry parties, church-wide events requiring child care, school programs, and extended family gatherings. And, good luck trying to decorate your house and go Christmas shopping!

Do you ever wonder what God thinks about all this busyness? I think Solomon provides a glimpse of God’s view through this statement: “When I considered all that I had accomplished and what I had labored to achieve, I found everything to be futile and a pursuit of the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 2:11) Taken in context of the entire Bible we know that this teaching does not condemn hard work, because elsewhere in the Scriptures God speaks against laziness.

However, I don’t believe busyness and productive hard work are synonymous. I do think that when we are unnecessarily busy, we sometimes fail to follow God’s plan and are prone to miss His will. So, here are four things we can do now to be more effective kidmin leaders in January:

Review. Spend time listing major ministry accomplishments this year. Also, write down your biggest challenges and disappointments related to kids ministry.

Reflect. Think through both lists. What led to the kids ministry successes? Why did some of your ministry efforts fail? What is God teaching you about ministry success and failure? Whom did your ministry positively impact this year?

Renew. Thank God for what He accomplished through you in ministry this year. Ask God’s forgiveness for the times you strayed from His plan. Take extended time to meditate on God’s Word. (Note: don’t try to cram your annual Bible reading plan into the next 24 hours!) Rest physically. Turn off your mobile devices and the TV. Take a walk. Say, “No,” to some of the Christmas parties.

Refocus. Ask God to show you what is important and what is His desire for your church’s kids ministry in 2020. Write down one or two ministry goals for the new year. Write down one or two personal aspirations. These are not resolutions. They are what you believe God wants you to focus on in the next 12 months.

Confession: I’m terrible at reviewing, reflecting, renewing, and refocusing. I’m better at reminiscing, ruminating, regretting, and reliving. But that’s not God’s will for you and me in 2020. Instead, let’s join the Apostle Paul in saying, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14)

Encouragement, Leadership

September 9, 2019

Help! I’m a leader without a team!

By Micheal Walley

“Do only what you can do then delegate everything else.”

We often hear or read that the best leaders are the best delegators, but what if there is no one on your team to delegate to? What if you are literally the only person on staff? What if you are the only person who is tasked with thinking about your area of ministry outside of Sunday mornings?

This is a reality for many leaders in ministries or smaller organizations. You might consider yourself a “one person show,” and the amount of work and energy needed to pull-off your ministry can be overwhelming.

Here are five tips for navigating times when you’re feeling that pressure as a leader without a team:

Check your heart and attitude. When you feel like you’re carrying a ministry or a workload all by yourself, it can be easy to grow bitter and entitled. “I should have a team like everyone else!” “I’m doing the work of 3 other people!” When you begin to feel these feelings, check your heart and attitude. Say a prayer and ask God to remove any entitlement or bitterness. Ask Him to remind you why He called you to your current position and to show you the impact you are making for His Kingdom through your hard work. Finally, sincerely thank God that you are able to be in a role that impacts the lives of others.
Seek out help and encouragement. As Christians, we know that it is not good to be alone. Even if you are the only one “on payroll” or on staff, it is vital that you seek out some help when you feel like the load is too much. Considering finding some volunteers who might have some free time during the week who can help you out for an hour or so. Don’t be afraid to ask a peer if they can spare 30 minutes to help you with a project occasionally. Find help wherever you can and always say “yes” when someone offers to help!
Grow yourself. Always be challenging yourself to grow as a leader. Maybe you need to grow with organization and productivity—find resources to help you! Maybe you need to grow your creative talents—find resources to help you! Make time to read books or listen to podcasts that grow you personally. Most importantly, be sure you are growing spiritually by spending time in the Word, praying, and engaging with the Christian community. As a leader, make it a priority to intentionally help yourself by devoting some time to your own personal growth.
Work hard when you work. Rest hard when you rest. Burnout is real. Burnout can come quickly, take everything you have, and spit you out on the other end exhausted. You are not meant to work 24/7 (even if you have a thousand things on your checklist that could take that long to finish.) Find ways to balance your schedule and have a healthy work schedule. When you’re at work or church, give it all you have! But when you are “off the clock” or “on vacation,” unplug from your email or notifications. Take time to recharge and fill yourself up before jumping back into work.
Communicate often and transparently with your leaders. If you’re struggling, overwhelmed, or feeling burned out because of the amount of work you do as a leader, have a conversation with your leadership as soon as possible. They may not realize the expectations that they have put on you or exactly what you deal with. It might be awkward at first, but having a great and transparent line of communication with your leadership could be the most rewarding thing as you lead. They could help you figure out solutions to issues, work through emotions you may be feeling, and could potentially make a plan to alleviate some of the demands on your plate. Be open, be honest, and (referring back to Tip 1), check your heart and approach every conversation with love and gentleness.

While being a leader without a team is definitely hard work, I hope that these tips can help you as you navigate this incredible calling you have. Know that you are not alone and there are countless others in ministry who understand and are also working tirelessly to make the gospel known to kids and families.

Micheal Walley serves as the LifeWay Kids Event Producer. He is a graduate of Mississippi College and now lives in Nashville, Tennessee. Micheal has been serving in Kids Ministry from the moment he was “promoted” out of kids ministry himself. He loves coffee, leadership, all things creative, and his wife, Anne Marie.

Encouragement, Family

August 14, 2019

5 Lessons I’m Learning as a Dad of Kids with Anxiety

By Brian Dembowczyk

Many kids struggle with anxiety today, not a mere nervousness, but rather what can be an overwhelming and paralyzing fear. In this blog post, I share a few lessons I’m learning on how to help my own kids who struggle with anxiety in hope that they help you navigate the anxiety that might occur in your ministry.

Anxiety is an ever-present foe in my family, one which I despise. Two of my kids struggle with anxiety pretty much on a daily basis, and as their father, it destroys me to see it. Anxiety, like depression, is a word we throw around quite a bit, so let me explain what I mean, or perhaps rather what I don’t mean.

When I say my kids struggle with anxiety, I don’t mean that they worry some or that they get nervous on occasion. Oh, they do worry and get nervous, but it’s much more than that. For most of us, we can control those feelings. We can make sense of them and keep them in proportion. But my kids can’t. Their anxiety overwhelms them. It plagues their minds and crushes their hearts. That’s why I say they struggle with anxiety. They don’t want to be anxious and they try to fight against it, but it is a battle they often lose. They don’t just have anxiety; anxiety has them.

For my family, we see anxiety manifest itself in so many ways: going to school, being in new situations, experiencing changes in our routine, knowing where mom is, and even seeing a friend in the park. Handling these episodes of anxiety is challenging enough for me, let alone knowing how to help my kids during them. I tend not to be a worrier, so it’s hard for me to relate with what they are experiencing. Plus, I’m a problem-solver; I want to fix what is “broken” so I often come at these episodes from that unrealistic posture. Add to the mix that I am a selfish sinner who often lacks the grace and patience my kids need and deserve, and it is a formula of failure more than one of success.

But in God’s kindness, He is teaching me—ever so slowly—how to support my kids during and through their anxiety. Here are five lessons He’s driving into me:

1. Knowing what not to say matters … greatly. We mean well, but often our desire to say something outweighs the wisdom of what we actually say. The result is that we can offer what comes across as platitudes. I’ve told my kids, “don’t worry,” but I can see how that rings hollow. Telling them not to worry, as if they can but are choosing not to, just doesn’t help. In that moment they cannot not worry. Another one I’ve said is, “everything is OK.” While I know that to be true, my kids don’t feel that truth in the moment. Rather, it’s better for me to acknowledge their struggle. Acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is difficult and let them know I’m sorry they are experiencing it, but I will be with them during it and through it. “This stinks. I’m so sorry you are feeling this right now. I’m here with you. We will get through it.”

Likewise, be careful about quoting Bible passages, such as Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7, or 1 Peter 5:7, as if a kid struggling with anxiety only needs to understand and believe these verses to be OK. Yes, the gospel is the ultimate answer for all that is broken in the world, but just as we wouldn’t quote Psalm 103:3 instead of giving penicillin to a child with pneumonia, we shouldn’t only give Bible verses to our kids. Rather, we want to remind our kids of God’s sovereign power and His love for them. We want to encourage our kids that the gospel says that in Christ, they are fully loved and accepted by God, no matter what—even if they might feel like a failure because of their worries and doubts. Give them life through God’s Word, not potential, albeit accidental, condemnation.

2. Patience is not a virtue; patience is a necessity. Perhaps my greatest struggle with my kids’ anxiety is my lack of patience. It’s actually a problem for me in general, but when it comes to helping kids navigate anxiety, patience is not a virtue, it’s a must. So the best thing for us to do is to pray up. Remind ourselves that the kid doesn’t want to be anxious—it’s not a choice. Ask God to help frustration give way to compassion. Step away for a minute if possible and needed. Getting frustrated, or even mad as I have done at times, doesn’t help anyone—you, or especially the kid.

3. Find and Encourage Tools that Help. My kids have been helped a great deal with tools taught or given to them by counselors. Perhaps it is saying something or focusing thoughts on something. Or perhaps it is squeezing a stress ball. Having tools to use can greatly help a child experiencing anxiety, but there may be times when the anxiety is so severe, it’s difficult to even get the kid to use those tools. Be ready for that. For me, it only adds to my frustration, so I need to be mentally and spiritually ready to help my kids help themselves when they refuse to use the tools they have been given. The flip side of this is that a kid who has found tools that work can provide help and encouragement to others. We have seen this with our kids helping one another when one is struggling and it is a beautiful reminder of God’s kindness to use any bad for His glory (see Gen 50:20).

4. Routines Give Comfort. The best way to help with anxiety is to help your kid proactively. One of the best methods I have found is to create and guard routines as much as possible. For my kids, new and different prompt panic. The fear of the unknown is very real for them. As a result, we try to guard our family routine as much as we can. Comfortable, familiar rhythms are a balm on the mind and heart of a child who struggles with anxiety. But there will be times when new situations cannot, and should not, be avoided. Prepare your kid for the upcoming event by reviewing the schedule, talking about specific areas that might prompt anxiety, and planning on what tools would be most helpful.

5. Lighten the load. In light of the last tip, do what you can to lighten the load. Keep life as consistent and simple as possible. This means saying “no” to plenty of things, even good things. For our family, this might mean abstaining from various one-time events that pop up and trying to protect our daily schedule as best as we can (such as dinner time and bedtime). In the classroom, this might mean being extra careful about changing your routine, and when you do, giving any kids who struggle with anxiety plenty of advance notice. Talk them through exactly what will be happening … and be ready to have that conversation more than just once!