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Kids Ministry

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Encouragement, Family

5 Lessons I’m Learning as a Dad of Kids with Anxiety

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Many kids struggle with anxiety today, not a mere nervousness, but rather what can be an overwhelming and paralyzing fear. In this blog post, I share a few lessons I’m learning on how to help my own kids who struggle with anxiety in hope that they help you navigate the anxiety that might occur in your ministry.

Anxiety is an ever-present foe in my family, one which I despise. Two of my kids struggle with anxiety pretty much on a daily basis, and as their father, it destroys me to see it. Anxiety, like depression, is a word we throw around quite a bit, so let me explain what I mean, or perhaps rather what I don’t mean.

When I say my kids struggle with anxiety, I don’t mean that they worry some or that they get nervous on occasion. Oh, they do worry and get nervous, but it’s much more than that. For most of us, we can control those feelings. We can make sense of them and keep them in proportion. But my kids can’t. Their anxiety overwhelms them. It plagues their minds and crushes their hearts. That’s why I say they struggle with anxiety. They don’t want to be anxious and they try to fight against it, but it is a battle they often lose. They don’t just have anxiety; anxiety has them.

For my family, we see anxiety manifest itself in so many ways: going to school, being in new situations, experiencing changes in our routine, knowing where mom is, and even seeing a friend in the park. Handling these episodes of anxiety is challenging enough for me, let alone knowing how to help my kids during them. I tend not to be a worrier, so it’s hard for me to relate with what they are experiencing. Plus, I’m a problem-solver; I want to fix what is “broken” so I often come at these episodes from that unrealistic posture. Add to the mix that I am a selfish sinner who often lacks the grace and patience my kids need and deserve, and it is a formula of failure more than one of success.

But in God’s kindness, He is teaching me—ever so slowly—how to support my kids during and through their anxiety. Here are five lessons He’s driving into me:

1. Knowing what not to say matters … greatly. We mean well, but often our desire to say something outweighs the wisdom of what we actually say. The result is that we can offer what comes across as platitudes. I’ve told my kids, “don’t worry,” but I can see how that rings hollow. Telling them not to worry, as if they can but are choosing not to, just doesn’t help. In that moment they cannot not worry. Another one I’ve said is, “everything is OK.” While I know that to be true, my kids don’t feel that truth in the moment. Rather, it’s better for me to acknowledge their struggle. Acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is difficult and let them know I’m sorry they are experiencing it, but I will be with them during it and through it. “This stinks. I’m so sorry you are feeling this right now. I’m here with you. We will get through it.” 

Likewise, be careful about quoting Bible passages, such as Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7, or 1 Peter 5:7, as if a kid struggling with anxiety only needs to understand and believe these verses to be OK. Yes, the gospel is the ultimate answer for all that is broken in the world, but just as we wouldn’t quote Psalm 103:3 instead of giving penicillin to a child with pneumonia, we shouldn’t only give Bible verses to our kids. Rather, we want to remind our kids of God’s sovereign power and His love for them. We want to encourage our kids that the gospel says that in Christ, they are fully loved and accepted by God, no matter what—even if they might feel like a failure because of their worries and doubts. Give them life through God’s Word, not potential, albeit accidental, condemnation. 

2. Patience is not a virtue; patience is a necessity. Perhaps my greatest struggle with my kids’ anxiety is my lack of patience. It’s actually a problem for me in general, but when it comes to helping kids navigate anxiety, patience is not a virtue, it’s a must. So the best thing for us to do is to pray up. Remind ourselves that the kid doesn’t want to be anxious—it’s not a choice. Ask God to help frustration give way to compassion. Step away for a minute if possible and needed. Getting frustrated, or even mad as I have done at times, doesn’t help anyone—you, or especially the kid. 

3. Find and Encourage Tools that Help. My kids have been helped a great deal with tools taught or given to them by counselors. Perhaps it is saying something or focusing thoughts on something. Or perhaps it is squeezing a stress ball. Having tools to use can greatly help a child experiencing anxiety, but there may be times when the anxiety is so severe, it’s difficult to even get the kid to use those tools. Be ready for that. For me, it only adds to my frustration, so I need to be mentally and spiritually ready to help my kids help themselves when they refuse to use the tools they have been given. The flip side of this is that a kid who has found tools that work can provide help and encouragement to others. We have seen this with our kids helping one another when one is struggling and it is a beautiful reminder of God’s kindness to use any bad for His glory (see Gen 50:20).  

4. Routines Give Comfort. The best way to help with anxiety is to help your kid proactively. One of the best methods I have found is to create and guard routines as much as possible. For my kids, new and different prompt panic. The fear of the unknown is very real for them. As a result, we try to guard our family routine as much as we can. Comfortable, familiar rhythms are a balm on the mind and heart of a child who struggles with anxiety. But there will be times when new situations cannot, and should not, be avoided. Prepare your kid for the upcoming event by reviewing the schedule, talking about specific areas that might prompt anxiety, and planning on what tools would be most helpful.

5. Lighten the load. In light of the last tip, do what you can to lighten the load. Keep life as consistent and simple as possible. This means saying “no” to plenty of things, even good things. For our family, this might mean abstaining from various one-time events that pop up and trying to protect our daily schedule as best as we can (such as dinner time and bedtime). In the classroom, this might mean being extra careful about changing your routine, and when you do, giving any kids who struggle with anxiety plenty of advance notice. Talk them through exactly what will be happening … and be ready to have that conversation more than just once!

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to LifeWay. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry

When Your Child is Anxious: 3 Ways You Can Help

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Welcome back to KidsMinstry 101 guest blogger, Josh Straub!

We had a faulty smoke detector last week at our house. My refusal to spend more money on a new detector was the only thing that kept me from taking a sledgehammer to it. After changing out the batteries twice, I finally reset it—only to discover after loud chirping twelve hours later (at 6:00 AM) it was an entirely different detector that needed to be reset.

The chirping went on for days. One evening, as I tried to fix it, I thought it would be a good idea to tell our 4-year-old son, Landon, and 2-year-old daughter, Kennedy, what it meant if that beeping sound ever went off.

“When you hear this alarm,” I told them, “it means we have to get out of the house.”

“But why, Daddy?” asked our son, with a look of panic on his face.

“Well, buddy,” I replied…

BEEP! BEEP!

The system chirped again. Landon welled up with tears. “Daddy, we have to get out,” he said, visibly scared.

Kennedy started to cry too.

With an annoying smoke detector going off and two crying kids, I began to wish I had told them it was the ice cream truck outside. There’s nothing a good ice cream sandwich won’t fix.

Now, every time they hear a beeping sound, they talk about it — because surely the battery in the toaster oven, doorbell, or construction truck going backward is about to die. I’m just happy they’re learning to talk about it.

Here are three ways we can help our kids when they feel anxious.

1. Let them ask questions.

Putting language to what we feel is like emotional brain surgery. Simply allowing our kids to voice what they fear reduces anxiety. That’s because when their feeling neurons connect with language neurons in their brain, it helps them begin to make sense of their experience.

The other night I opened the windows in our kids’ playroom upstairs. Landon, Kennedy and I stood looking out the window at a neighbor’s cat and a rabbit nearby. Landon started to push his head against the screen. I told him not to push the screen because he could break it.

A few seconds later he asked me to read the sticker on the screen. Not knowing what it said, I just read it aloud. “Warning: Screen will not stop child from falling out window. Keep child away from open window.”
Yeah. And this happened the night after the beeping sound. Talk about overwhelming your already anxious child. Not much was said after that. Landon just slowly moved away from the window and played with his trains.

Later that night, at 2:30 AM, I felt a nudge beside my bed. “Daddy,” Landon said, “if I push on the screen, I’ll fall out of the window, right?”

Groggily, I stood up, walked him back to his bed and lay down with him. “We shouldn’t push on the screen,” I answered.

Knowing he was worried, I figured I would go sleep in his bed with him. Not more than five minutes later, Kennedy woke up. As I went to put her back to bed, Landon welled up with tears. 

“Daddy, will you come back?”

This was out of the norm — so much that Christi, who was awake by now as well, heard Landon crying. She walked over to his room and lay down with him. “Buddy, what’s wrong?” she asked in a calm voice, “What questions do you have?”

Lord bless her, she lay with him for the next 30 minutes just talking. Landon asked questions; Christi answered them. Landon talked about his fears; Christi put them into perspective.

When Christi came back to bed she said, “He’s learning about the dangers of the world, but doesn’t know how to process them.”

Her calm voice and listening ear in the middle of the night was gold for our son’s brain. I was ready to settle for the bronze and just lie down and go back to sleep beside him.

2. Play with them. 

Especially for children up until the age of 7, fantasy play is critical for calming their fears. Play is about power and powerlessness.

When Christi and I came home from a date night at 9:30 PM, Landon had waited up in his bed until we got home. He was so excited as I entered his room. Standing on his bed, arms spread wide, he said, “Daddy, you’re home!”

The next day I was playing with Landon and Kennedy. We built a fort. With Kennedy and I inside, Landon declared, “You guys lay down and pretend I just got home from work. When I come home, stand up and say, ‘Landon, you’re home!’”

Children use play to make sense of their feelings. Taking 20 minutes a day to enter into their world and allow them to dictate the play has powerful implications on emotional intelligence and self-competence later in life.

3. Be calm.

If we’re anxious, our kids don’t know if they can be safe. Anxiety has a trickle-down effect on kids. In fact, one research study shows that a parent’s ability to manage their own stress is the second-best parenting strategy — only behind love and affection —  for getting the outcomes we desire most in our kids.

Be realistic about the reaction you give and the real danger of the situation. A skinned knee isn’t a disaster; it’s a mark of your kids having fun.

Joshua Straub, Ph.D. is a speaker, author, and marriage and leadership coach. He and his wife, Christi, cohost the In This Together podcast and are coauthors a new children’s book, What Am I Feeling? and a new Bible study, Homegrown: Cultivating Kids in the Fruit of the Spirit. Josh also is the author of Safe House: How Emotional Safety is the Key to Raising Kids Who Live, Love, and Lead Well. Josh equips leaders, military families, and churches in emotional intelligence and family wellness.

Looking for more? Connect with ParentLife online at facebook.com/parentlife. Order at lifeway.com/parentlife.

Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry

Crossing the Checkpoints for Life’s Race

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“Let us lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus…” Hebrews 12:1-2

Back in 2013, the highly-respected late Jerry Vogel wrote about a few of the spiritual mile markers to be celebrated in families’ lives (post). As many of us are planning for a new ministry year with kids transitioning to new classes, this seems like a good time to review these mile markers or checkpoints as I like to call them and consider how our ministries can partner with parents in anticipating and celebrating these spiritual mile markers. 

In long-distance races, checkpoints are short stops along the path for runners to regain their strength for the next part of the race. It’s also a place where runners can be encouraged to continue on, nurse any injuries, reevaluate their strategy, and plan for adjustments as the race resumes. Checkpoints are places to revitalize runners and then send them back to the race. These life checkpoints provide natural opportunities to partner with parents to recoup, reevaluate, and realign strategies for moving forward.

Checkpoint #1 – Welcome to the Family

  • Birth/Adoption – Whether it’s a family’s first child, second, or fifth, each new child adds new rhythms to a family’s life, celebrations and joys along with potential anxiety and challenges. 
    • “New Addition” Gift Bag – Consider creating a small gift bag to give to new families when a new baby is born or a child is adopted.
    • Parenting classes/conference – A great idea for expectant parents is to offer them dedicated training on children’s spiritual growth. Such training should include theology of biblical parenting, trust development, and looking ahead toward future checkpoints.
  • Baby/Parent/Family Dedication – This is a great checkpoint to provide additional training, like a class mentioned above, to young parents on God’s expectations for Christian parents, showing them how you desire to partner with them in their parenting journey.

Checkpoint #2 – First Steps

  • Moving up to “Big Church” – Consider preparing “welcome to worship” bags for preschoolers who are transitioning into big church. Offering specific training to help parents/caregivers prepare for this change can help to soothe their nerves and remind them that children will learn how to worship best by watching adults worship. 
  • Learning to Read – Consider celebrating this checkpoint with a meaningful Bible presentation. If your budget allows, your church may purchase an age-appropriate Bible for each kindergartner or first grader. If your budget doesn’t allow or if you prefer to help parents choose their own Bible to give, be sure to guide parents in knowing what kind of Bible would be best for their child. LifeWay offers several options of age-appropriate Bibles at lifeway.com.

Checkpoint #3 – Growing in Faith

  • “What Is a Christian?” class – Often times kids who regularly attend church will start asking questions about salvation and/or baptism, and parents will immediately jump to trying to schedule a child’s baptism. Having a checkpoint in your ministry to equip parents to ask good questions of their child will give them greater confidence in talking with their children about salvation and baptism.
  • New Christian Class – An effective New Christian class can give children an opportunity to validate their response to Jesus, as well as give each child and parent confidence they are on a path that is firmly rooted in Scripture. LifeWay Kids’ “I’m a Christian Now” resources can lend structure this checkpoint.
  • Baptism – Here are a few ideas for developing a strategy to partner with parents in celebrating this checkpoint: 
    • Provide parents with a one-sheet overview of your church’s theology of believer’s baptism. 
    • Create a “baptism checklist” to help guide families. Include items like meeting with you or your pastor (according to the practices of your church), mail/email invitations, plan a family meal, provide a “next steps” devotional to each child to guide them in developing healthy spiritual habits.\
  • First Lord’s Supper – A child who is a new Christian will likely be very excited to finally participate in this church ordinance. 
    • Help parents anticipate this moment with a dedicated family conversation. Provide a one-sheet overview of your church’s beliefs about the Lord’s Supper, including who is allowed to participate and why, how often it is observed, etc. 

Checkpoint #4 – Next Steps

  • Discipleship – Many parents feel uncertain how to help children grow in their newfound faith by developing healthy spiritual habits (spiritual disciplines). LifeWay Kids’ Growing in My Faith 90-day Devotional can be a helpful resource for families.
  • Moving into the next age group in your ministry – A final checkpoint that would fall under your ministry would likely be to guide kids and families as they transition into student ministry. Many parents and preteens feel inadequately prepared to move through this checkpoint. Some options here might be: host a parent panel Q&A session with more seasoned parents, connect seasoned parents with parents of preteens in an informal mentor-type setting to allow for more intimate questions, training classes and resources for equipping parents to talk with their kids about all that is changing in their lives, and preteen weekend retreat. 

There are other checkpoints that you may choose to include, but hopefully, this has helped you start or continue thinking about ways you can partner and celebrate with parents as the kids in your ministry cross each of life’s checkpoints. I encourage you to “run with endurance the race that lies before [you], keeping [your] eyes on Jesus… ” as you “pursue as [your] goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” (Hebrews 12:1-2; Philippians 3:13-14)

Jeremy Carroll is the team leader for LifeWay Kids Discipleship Resources. Before coming to LifeWay, he has been active in local church ministry for nearly 20 years in TN, TX, and AL. Jeremy earned a Master of Arts in Christian Education from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. A Middle Tennessee native, he and his family live in Murfreesboro, TN.

Family, Family Ministry, Parenting, Podcasts

Ministering to Families with Kids From Hard Places with Jamie Ivey

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Jamie Ivey shares practical ways that you can love families that are parenting kids from hard places. How does the church come alongside them and serve them well? 

Jamie Ivey is a podcaster, writer, and speaker from Austin, Texas. She is the proud mama to four kids and the wife to Aaron, worship pastor of The Austin Stone Community Church. Jamie loves to encourage women to passionately follow Jesus through any stage of life. She does this through writing and her weekly podcast, The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey. Jamie‘s debut book “If You Only Knew: My Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of Becoming Free,” released in January.

Advent, Christmas, Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry

An Advent Plan for Families

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Nothing is more precious than a newborn baby. However, in the months leading up to his birth, a lot goes into organizing for that infant’s arrival! One major undertaking for most expectant families is clearing out a room to become the nursery in order to fill it with baby items: a crib, changing table, toy shelves, diapers, burp cloths, and bibs. Hours of thought even go into deciding on a theme for the nursery décor, bedding, and stroller.

Christmas Advent includes preparation as well. Not with finding a spare room in our homes, but in our hearts, for the arrival of Jesus! As we move expectantly into this year’s Advent season, let’s consider the thoughts and actions of a certain mom in biblical history—Mary—as she gave intentional focus to servanthood, acceptance, thankfulness, and finally celebration in preparing for the coming of her firstborn child—Jesus!

WEEK 1 (December 2):

“’I am the Lord’s servant,’ said Mary.” Luke 1:38

Gifting vs. Giving (of Yourself)

From the time we’re young, we aspire to greatness! As children, we tell our parents that one day we will be the best doctor or astronaut or dancer they’ve ever seen! As parents, we then brag to others as we tell them how great our kids are with all their endeavors.

There’s nothing wrong with striving to use God-given talents and skills in the very best ways possible. But proper attitude is key! We’re reminded of this in Philippians 2:3-4, where we read: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Even though many people ascribe to Mary greatness for being the mother of Jesus, Mary’s attitude going into her pregnancy with the Christ child was one of humility in servanthood to God—giving her total being to the Lord without hesitation.

As we look toward Christmas Day this year, how can we change our focus from achieving greatness in the eyes of others to serving one another out of the blessings God has already given us?

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

This month, try a few of these “giving” activities to those in your community:

  • Serve in your city’s soup kitchen for the homeless.
  • Take some easy-to-heat meals to an elderly neighbor.
  • Collect colorful, fun hats and gloves (child and adult sizes) for a homeless shelter.
  • Deliver Christmas goodies to a local pregnancy center.
  • Invite a college student (who can’t get home for the holidays) to your home for Christmas parties or on Christmas Day!

WEEK 2 (December 9):

“May it be done to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38

Worth the Wait

Especially for kids, it’s hard to wait for Christmas Day to get here! How often do we hear our children ask, “How many more days until Christmas?” The anticipation of ripping open big, shiny, bow-wrapped gifts is almost more than kids can stand! They ask the question each time—even though they really don’t want to wait until Christmas!

As parents, we also get in a hurry for what, how, and when we want things. Waiting often feels unbearable! How can we model to our children the ability to be satisfied with answers given from God, accepting His plans over what we may be wishing for or wanting to hear?

In this week’s Advent verse, Mary’s summation was right on point in her attitude and timing when she told the angel Gabriel, “May it be to me as you have said.”

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

Use the acronym W–A–I–T for ideas to use with your family as you count down the days leading to Christmas.

W “Welcome Christmastime! Idea Jar” Place a festively decorated jar in a common area of your house, along with small pieces of paper and a pencil. As ideas come for things to do over Christmas break, write them down and toss them in the jar. Then have fun engaging in those activities!

A Assemble a Christmas tree (real or artificial) for an elderly person in your neighborhood or church or help a single mom who might need assistance with her décor.

I Invite families of your children’s friends to a Christmas program at your church.

T Text one person each day between now and Christmas with a heartfelt Christmastime greeting. Adding an appropriate seasonal meme would be a fun touch as well!

WEEK 3 (December 16):

“My soul praises the greatness of the Lord.” Luke 1:46

Birthday Blessings!

There are moments that are difficult to express in words. One such time for me was immediately following my son’s birth. I had a C-section, so I was hooked up to all types of tubes for anesthesia and oxygen. But even with all of those awkward instruments and positioning of my body, I’ll never forget the moment the doctor laid my newborn son to my chest after he was born. My eyes immediately filled with tears of absolute joy in witnessing the arrival of my long-awaited baby boy!

Mary was obviously struck with such great pleasure that her very soul was overwhelmed in thankfulness to the Lord for giving her such wonderful news—that soon, she would be the mother of Baby Jesus!

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

Assign (or draw for) names of all family members. Each person is to write (or younger children may draw pictures) how they are thankful for the family member assigned to them. In other words, how they’ve been a “Christmas blessing” this past year. The message may be gift-wrapped and then opened Christmas Day.

WEEK 4 (December 23):

“My spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” Luke 1:47

Let the Party Begin!

This season, no doubt you’ve been part of at least one Christmas party with tables overflowing with food, hours of enjoyment with friends, and possibly funny gift exchanges. Holiday celebrations are simply part of the Christmas spirit!

But years before holiday parties came about, Mary celebrated (rejoiced)  over the news that Jesus would soon be arriving! She knew Jesus was not just a baby to be born. He would be “great … the Son of the Most High”—the Savior!

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

What are some ways your family can celebrate Jesus amidst other Christmas events? Start this focus when your kids are young and make it part of your Christmastime tradition. Here are a few ideas:

  • Enjoy a “Happy Birthday, Jesus!” cake as part of your family’s Christmas Eve party. Sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus before you begin eating it.
  • Set up a makeshift Nativity scene alongside your Christmas tree décor. Talk with younger children about the biblical story of Mary and Joseph watching over Baby Jesus.
  • Keep child-safe Nativity sets available for preschoolers and younger children to play with during weeks leading up to Christmas, and talk about it with them.

This post was provided by ParentLife Magazine. The writer, Dixie Walker is a freelance writer of Christian family ministry resources. She and her family reside in Nashville, Tenn.

Looking for more? Connect with ParentLife online at facebook.com/parentlife or the ParentLife blog. Order at lifeway.com/parentlife.

Family, Kids Ministry, Leadership

FORTNITE: Your Son’s Latest Obsession

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A special thanks to ParentLife writer David Thomas for permission to post this blog. Read more about his counseling ministry, meet Sissy Goff and Melissa Trevathan (the rest of the team), order their books, or join the blog for Technology Tuesday each week at www.raisingboysandgirls.com.

A day doesn’t go by where I don’t hear something about Fortnite. It’s the game the majority of boys (of all ages) seem to be talking about these days. It was something completely different a year ago, and chances are good it will be something completely different a year from now. But for today, it’s Fortnite. Though it’s rated “T” for Teen, many parents of younger boys are allowing boys to explore it.

Many parents have compromised because of its cartoonish nature or the lack of profanity or blood. There are sites and commentaries arguing the advantages of strategic thinking, teamwork, and creativity. Equally so, there are sites and commentaries arguing it’s still violent and how the online nature still exposes younger players to the offensive language of other players.

Wherever you land in your decision on Fortnite … or Minecraft … or Call of Duty … or whatever game takes the boy world by storm next, let me encourage you to make sure your son spends more time in reality than in virtual activity. Make sure he spends more time kicking a real soccer ball than playing FIFA 2018. Make sure he spends more time having real conversations that don’t involve wearing a headset and do involve reading nonverbal communication and making eye contact. Make sure he spends more time talking with real people than texting.

Make certain he has a context like scouting or playing sports, being a part of a robotics team or a climbing club, a book club or youth group, student government or volunteering … places where he experiences real teamwork, human interaction, strategic thinking, creativity and practicing empathy.

Absolutely let him have time to enjoy video games (with limitations) as a means of practicing regulation. I talked with a single mom recently that told her 14-year-old son she has three rules for gaming.

  1. You gain 5 extra minutes the following day for turning it off without arguing. You lose 15 minutes the next day for battling me when it’s time to shut it down.
  2. I can’t control what you hear when you have the headset on. But if I hear you repeat something profane or disrespectful, the headset is put up for a week.
  3. Every time you turn the system off, you owe me 20 minutes of physical activity to counter the effects of sitting still and being plugged in.

This mom is choosing to let his engagement with gaming serve as a vehicle for strengthening his ability to regulate himself.

 

Family, Family Ministry, Parent Helps, Parenting

Making Memories

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Kids Ministry 101 welcomes this article written by Wynter Pitts. Wynter lived with a passion to introduce young girls to Christian values in a way that they’re able to understand, so they can walk passionately and boldly in who God has created them to be. Wynter authored For Girls Like You Tween Devotionals and founded For Girls Like You Magazine. We are honored to continue her legacy! #wynterslegacy

I imagine the conversation will go something like this:

“Mom, remember that time you wanted us to do a craft together and you looked on Pinterest?”

Silence – immediately followed by an uproar of contagious giggles and uncontrollable laughter.

You see, I am not the craftiest of girls, but God blessed me with four sequin-wearing, glitter-paint-splattering, and sugar-loving darlings, so I try.

The reality is, I am actually the mom who …

  • Has an entry-level Pinterest board named, “Projects I think I Can Handle.”
  • Buys a kit to create your own gum, only to burn it in the microwave.
  • Takes three days and a dozen YouTube videos to figure out how to turn rubber bands into a beautiful work of art and a colorful accessory using a “Rainbow Loom.”
  • Tries to bake an edible cookie bowl … I can’t even think of the proper words to describe how horrifically this ended. It was pure pandemonium as a party of 10 girls tried to scoop ice-cream into a pile of burnt crumbs.
  • Paints nails. And cuticles.
  • Always has to double the amount of suggested flour in order to stop the homemade play dough from becoming a permanent placemat.
  • Forgets to turn on the oven light when making a “Shrinky Dink.” Causing us to entirely miss the point—the shrinking.
  • Successfully bakes reindeer cupcakes (from Pinterest!) but then arrives too late to the class party … missing the unveiling and enjoyment of my labor.

And this is just the beginning! I am serious—this list could go on and on! Regardless of my many failed attempts, my ultimate goal is to never stop adding bullet points.

Let’s just call it a work in progress.

The specific activities may not be my proudest parenting acts, but combined they are what define the most significant contribution I give to my girls.

My time.

So, I imagine my girls will have endless stories from their childhood … and I am prepared to be the punchline for most of them! However, it’s the first few words of their stories that are the most important to me, “Mom, remember …”

Memories are not defined by perfect scenarios. It’s the present—the daily and the quality time we spend with our children that will guide and provide the substance of future conversations.  

Enjoy the activities, but focus your best efforts on the memory.

 

Family, Family Ministry, Podcasts

Ministering to Families of Adopted Children

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Churches have an incredible opportunity to minister to families who are adopting. Jeff Land shares from his experience as a parent and children’s pastor dos and don’t in ministering to families who are adopting.

Jeff Land is Children’s Pastor at Sugar Creek Baptist Church in Sugar Land, Texas. Jeff has served with LifeWay Kids developing content and serving churches for several years. Jeff and his wife Abbey have four sons.

Jeff will also be leading a breakout session at our ETCH Family Ministry Conference October 17-19 in downtown, Nashville. We’d love for you to join us! Find out more here!

 

Family, Kids Ministry, Parenting

A Father’s Bucket List: 15 Things Every Believing Dad Must Do

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Welcome Guest Blogger, Aaron Wilson. Aaron is husband to Jennifer, father to 4-year-old twins, and serves as an associate editor in LifeWay Corporate Communications. He enjoys spending time with his family and writing about God’s glory. You’ll find other great parenting tips and encouragement in LifeWay’s  ParentLife Magazine.

A Father’s Bucket List!

  1. CHEER FOR HIS CHILDREN — Fathers breed godly confidence in their kids by being their biggest supporters, not just on the playing field, but wherever God calls young hearts to bring Him glory.
  2. ESTABLISH A REPERTOIRE of at least five character voices for story-time.
  3. DISCIPLINE IN LOVE — Faithful dads aren’t lazy when it comes to engaging sin in their children’s lives. Dads are prepared to stand up to the real enemy (even when it temporarily makes them out to be the “bad guy” in their children’s eyes).
  4. BE WILLING to get his hands dirty (drool, runny noses, diapers … yeah, you get the idea).
  5. BECOME A SPIRITUAL INSTRUCTOR — A father doesn’t delegate the principal role of teacher to Sunday School workers or YouTube channels. He takes the lead in forging a spiritual path of knowledge and wisdom for his children.
  6. KNOW HIS PLACE — Men who bow low before Jesus are the ones who stand tall as leaders of their families. They kneel in humility when the world says to bask in pride and rise up for their families when the world says to shrug with indifference.
  7. MAINTAIN A STRAIGHT FACE when he discovers his bag lunch for the office meeting contains a juice box and cartoon character fruit snacks.
  8. MODEL GOD THE FATHER — Dads have the unique privilege and responsibility of reflecting the first person of the Trinity to their kids. Often, a person’s most ingrained perception of God will come from memories of his or her own father.
  9. BE ABLE to turn an old cardboard box into a rocket ship or princess castle.
  10. CHARACTERIZE LOVE FOR HIS KIDS — Children in today’s culture are hungry to know what real love looks like. By demonstrating how to put the good of others first, fathers emulate the servant nature of Jesus (and the Biblical meaning of love) to their kids.
  11. POST WITH PARENTAL INTENT — Fathers leave a legacy of words for their children when they choose to post on social media. Dads can steward social networking for the good of their kids, who will grow up needing godly examples of how to navigate the digital realm.
  12. ASSEMBLE a bike or play kitchen in the living room at 1:00 am on Christmas morning.
  13. LOOK BEYOND THE MESS — Dads who have a heavenly perspective look past broken furniture and scratched walls to see the eternal investment found in parenting.
  14. CHERISH THE CHURCH — One of the greatest blessings a dad can give his children is to demonstrate a love for Christ’s bride, the church. Dads who lead their families to be involved in a local church are at an advantage when it comes to shepherding the home.
  15. RELY ON JESUS (NOT A CHECKLIST) FOR STRENGTH — Every dad who reads this list knows he doesn’t measure up (at least, not to the serious entries). That’s actually the point! Christian fathers succeed in life, not because they knock it out of the park as parents, but because they admit they’re sinners who need forgiveness and the enabling grace of Jesus. Biblical manhood doesn’t come from a performance checklist found in a Christian magazine; it comes from confidence in the finished work of Christ.

While there are many more things a dad might do, in the words of Jesus, only “one thing is necessary” (Luke 10:42). Take time this month to celebrate the fathers in your life who stand tall for their families by necessarily sitting at the feet of their Savior!

Family, Kids Ministry, Leadership

Better Together: Unify Your Ministry Strategy

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The best days in elementary school were when my teacher rolled in the giant metal cart with the VCR and giant TV strapped on top. The lights would be turned off in the classroom and we would learn by watching Wishbone or the Magic School Bus. Inevitably, the joy of watching a video in class would always abruptly come to the end in the same dreaded way: the lights would suddenly come on and blind us all!

In many cases, families in our churches can feel like someone suddenly changed a lighting situation as their kids move throughout different age group ministries. In many cases, we expect a family transitioning from kids ministry to student ministry to make abrupt transitions. Many churches suddenly expect kids and students to quickly adapt to different expectations, different strategies, different leaders, different structures, different times, and even different curriculum. There’s a better way of doing ministry.

Kids, students, and families desire consistency as they transition throughout a child’s life at your church. We believe kids ministry leaders, student ministry leaders, and family ministry leaders should work together to create a cohesive, unified approach to ministry for the families in their church. Your ministries work better when your ministry strategy is unified.

Here are three tips to help begin to unify your ministry strategies:

  • Communicate Often. It’s important that the kids ministry leader and the student ministry leader communicate often. You don’t have to know every detail of the other ministry, but it’s vital that you know what is going on in that ministry and that you develop a healthy working relationship with the other ministry areas. Trust and open communication are a huge first step in unifying ministry strategies.
  • Pray and Dream Together. I’ve heard of several churches doing a family worship night, or fun block party event focused on bringing together the kids and students ministries. These all started out with the family ministry leaders joining together and dreaming and asking God for guidance. Lift your fellow ministry leaders up in prayer, and dream openly and honestly about where you feel that God is leading your family ministries.
  • Attend a Family Ministry Conference Together. Make a point to attend a family ministry-focused conference with the key ministry leaders of your church. A conference could be just the right type of retreat that your family ministry leaders need to make memories, build relationships, and all get on the same page.

We believe that a unified ministry strategy is so important that it is the focus of our ETCH Family Ministry Conference held in downtown Nashville each fall. ETCH stand for “Equipping the Church and Home,” and we believe this is done best when everyone in a church’s ministry is on the same page. We hope you’ll join us at ETCH October 17-19, 2018 and we’ll dive deep into what it means to have a unified family ministry approach. Right now, you can even get a special early-bird rate for just a few more days! www.etchconference.com

Micheal Walley serves as the LifeWay Kids Event Producer. He is a graduate of Mississippi College and now lives in Nashville, Tennessee. Micheal has been serving in Kids Ministry from the moment he was “promoted” out of kids ministry himself. He loves coffee, leadership, all things creative, and his wife, Anne Marie.

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