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Kids Ministry

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Advent, Christmas, Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry

An Advent Plan for Families

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Nothing is more precious than a newborn baby. However, in the months leading up to his birth, a lot goes into organizing for that infant’s arrival! One major undertaking for most expectant families is clearing out a room to become the nursery in order to fill it with baby items: a crib, changing table, toy shelves, diapers, burp cloths, and bibs. Hours of thought even go into deciding on a theme for the nursery décor, bedding, and stroller.

Christmas Advent includes preparation as well. Not with finding a spare room in our homes, but in our hearts, for the arrival of Jesus! As we move expectantly into this year’s Advent season, let’s consider the thoughts and actions of a certain mom in biblical history—Mary—as she gave intentional focus to servanthood, acceptance, thankfulness, and finally celebration in preparing for the coming of her firstborn child—Jesus!

WEEK 1 (December 2):

“’I am the Lord’s servant,’ said Mary.” Luke 1:38

Gifting vs. Giving (of Yourself)

From the time we’re young, we aspire to greatness! As children, we tell our parents that one day we will be the best doctor or astronaut or dancer they’ve ever seen! As parents, we then brag to others as we tell them how great our kids are with all their endeavors.

There’s nothing wrong with striving to use God-given talents and skills in the very best ways possible. But proper attitude is key! We’re reminded of this in Philippians 2:3-4, where we read: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Even though many people ascribe to Mary greatness for being the mother of Jesus, Mary’s attitude going into her pregnancy with the Christ child was one of humility in servanthood to God—giving her total being to the Lord without hesitation.

As we look toward Christmas Day this year, how can we change our focus from achieving greatness in the eyes of others to serving one another out of the blessings God has already given us?

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

This month, try a few of these “giving” activities to those in your community:

  • Serve in your city’s soup kitchen for the homeless.
  • Take some easy-to-heat meals to an elderly neighbor.
  • Collect colorful, fun hats and gloves (child and adult sizes) for a homeless shelter.
  • Deliver Christmas goodies to a local pregnancy center.
  • Invite a college student (who can’t get home for the holidays) to your home for Christmas parties or on Christmas Day!

WEEK 2 (December 9):

“May it be done to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38

Worth the Wait

Especially for kids, it’s hard to wait for Christmas Day to get here! How often do we hear our children ask, “How many more days until Christmas?” The anticipation of ripping open big, shiny, bow-wrapped gifts is almost more than kids can stand! They ask the question each time—even though they really don’t want to wait until Christmas!

As parents, we also get in a hurry for what, how, and when we want things. Waiting often feels unbearable! How can we model to our children the ability to be satisfied with answers given from God, accepting His plans over what we may be wishing for or wanting to hear?

In this week’s Advent verse, Mary’s summation was right on point in her attitude and timing when she told the angel Gabriel, “May it be to me as you have said.”

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

Use the acronym W–A–I–T for ideas to use with your family as you count down the days leading to Christmas.

W “Welcome Christmastime! Idea Jar” Place a festively decorated jar in a common area of your house, along with small pieces of paper and a pencil. As ideas come for things to do over Christmas break, write them down and toss them in the jar. Then have fun engaging in those activities!

A Assemble a Christmas tree (real or artificial) for an elderly person in your neighborhood or church or help a single mom who might need assistance with her décor.

I Invite families of your children’s friends to a Christmas program at your church.

T Text one person each day between now and Christmas with a heartfelt Christmastime greeting. Adding an appropriate seasonal meme would be a fun touch as well!

WEEK 3 (December 16):

“My soul praises the greatness of the Lord.” Luke 1:46

Birthday Blessings!

There are moments that are difficult to express in words. One such time for me was immediately following my son’s birth. I had a C-section, so I was hooked up to all types of tubes for anesthesia and oxygen. But even with all of those awkward instruments and positioning of my body, I’ll never forget the moment the doctor laid my newborn son to my chest after he was born. My eyes immediately filled with tears of absolute joy in witnessing the arrival of my long-awaited baby boy!

Mary was obviously struck with such great pleasure that her very soul was overwhelmed in thankfulness to the Lord for giving her such wonderful news—that soon, she would be the mother of Baby Jesus!

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

Assign (or draw for) names of all family members. Each person is to write (or younger children may draw pictures) how they are thankful for the family member assigned to them. In other words, how they’ve been a “Christmas blessing” this past year. The message may be gift-wrapped and then opened Christmas Day.

WEEK 4 (December 23):

“My spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” Luke 1:47

Let the Party Begin!

This season, no doubt you’ve been part of at least one Christmas party with tables overflowing with food, hours of enjoyment with friends, and possibly funny gift exchanges. Holiday celebrations are simply part of the Christmas spirit!

But years before holiday parties came about, Mary celebrated (rejoiced)  over the news that Jesus would soon be arriving! She knew Jesus was not just a baby to be born. He would be “great … the Son of the Most High”—the Savior!

FAMILY ADVENT-ure:

What are some ways your family can celebrate Jesus amidst other Christmas events? Start this focus when your kids are young and make it part of your Christmastime tradition. Here are a few ideas:

  • Enjoy a “Happy Birthday, Jesus!” cake as part of your family’s Christmas Eve party. Sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus before you begin eating it.
  • Set up a makeshift Nativity scene alongside your Christmas tree décor. Talk with younger children about the biblical story of Mary and Joseph watching over Baby Jesus.
  • Keep child-safe Nativity sets available for preschoolers and younger children to play with during weeks leading up to Christmas, and talk about it with them.

This post was provided by ParentLife Magazine. The writer, Dixie Walker is a freelance writer of Christian family ministry resources. She and her family reside in Nashville, Tenn.

Looking for more? Connect with ParentLife online at facebook.com/parentlife or the ParentLife blog. Order at lifeway.com/parentlife.

Family, Kids Ministry, Leadership

FORTNITE: Your Son’s Latest Obsession

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A special thanks to ParentLife writer David Thomas for permission to post this blog. Read more about his counseling ministry, meet Sissy Goff and Melissa Trevathan (the rest of the team), order their books, or join the blog for Technology Tuesday each week at www.raisingboysandgirls.com.

A day doesn’t go by where I don’t hear something about Fortnite. It’s the game the majority of boys (of all ages) seem to be talking about these days. It was something completely different a year ago, and chances are good it will be something completely different a year from now. But for today, it’s Fortnite. Though it’s rated “T” for Teen, many parents of younger boys are allowing boys to explore it.

Many parents have compromised because of its cartoonish nature or the lack of profanity or blood. There are sites and commentaries arguing the advantages of strategic thinking, teamwork, and creativity. Equally so, there are sites and commentaries arguing it’s still violent and how the online nature still exposes younger players to the offensive language of other players.

Wherever you land in your decision on Fortnite … or Minecraft … or Call of Duty … or whatever game takes the boy world by storm next, let me encourage you to make sure your son spends more time in reality than in virtual activity. Make sure he spends more time kicking a real soccer ball than playing FIFA 2018. Make sure he spends more time having real conversations that don’t involve wearing a headset and do involve reading nonverbal communication and making eye contact. Make sure he spends more time talking with real people than texting.

Make certain he has a context like scouting or playing sports, being a part of a robotics team or a climbing club, a book club or youth group, student government or volunteering … places where he experiences real teamwork, human interaction, strategic thinking, creativity and practicing empathy.

Absolutely let him have time to enjoy video games (with limitations) as a means of practicing regulation. I talked with a single mom recently that told her 14-year-old son she has three rules for gaming.

  1. You gain 5 extra minutes the following day for turning it off without arguing. You lose 15 minutes the next day for battling me when it’s time to shut it down.
  2. I can’t control what you hear when you have the headset on. But if I hear you repeat something profane or disrespectful, the headset is put up for a week.
  3. Every time you turn the system off, you owe me 20 minutes of physical activity to counter the effects of sitting still and being plugged in.

This mom is choosing to let his engagement with gaming serve as a vehicle for strengthening his ability to regulate himself.

 

Family, Family Ministry, Parent Helps, Parenting

Making Memories

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Kids Ministry 101 welcomes this article written by Wynter Pitts. Wynter lived with a passion to introduce young girls to Christian values in a way that they’re able to understand, so they can walk passionately and boldly in who God has created them to be. Wynter authored For Girls Like You Tween Devotionals and founded For Girls Like You Magazine. We are honored to continue her legacy! #wynterslegacy

I imagine the conversation will go something like this:

“Mom, remember that time you wanted us to do a craft together and you looked on Pinterest?”

Silence – immediately followed by an uproar of contagious giggles and uncontrollable laughter.

You see, I am not the craftiest of girls, but God blessed me with four sequin-wearing, glitter-paint-splattering, and sugar-loving darlings, so I try.

The reality is, I am actually the mom who …

  • Has an entry-level Pinterest board named, “Projects I think I Can Handle.”
  • Buys a kit to create your own gum, only to burn it in the microwave.
  • Takes three days and a dozen YouTube videos to figure out how to turn rubber bands into a beautiful work of art and a colorful accessory using a “Rainbow Loom.”
  • Tries to bake an edible cookie bowl … I can’t even think of the proper words to describe how horrifically this ended. It was pure pandemonium as a party of 10 girls tried to scoop ice-cream into a pile of burnt crumbs.
  • Paints nails. And cuticles.
  • Always has to double the amount of suggested flour in order to stop the homemade play dough from becoming a permanent placemat.
  • Forgets to turn on the oven light when making a “Shrinky Dink.” Causing us to entirely miss the point—the shrinking.
  • Successfully bakes reindeer cupcakes (from Pinterest!) but then arrives too late to the class party … missing the unveiling and enjoyment of my labor.

And this is just the beginning! I am serious—this list could go on and on! Regardless of my many failed attempts, my ultimate goal is to never stop adding bullet points.

Let’s just call it a work in progress.

The specific activities may not be my proudest parenting acts, but combined they are what define the most significant contribution I give to my girls.

My time.

So, I imagine my girls will have endless stories from their childhood … and I am prepared to be the punchline for most of them! However, it’s the first few words of their stories that are the most important to me, “Mom, remember …”

Memories are not defined by perfect scenarios. It’s the present—the daily and the quality time we spend with our children that will guide and provide the substance of future conversations.  

Enjoy the activities, but focus your best efforts on the memory.

 

Family, Family Ministry, Podcasts

Ministering to Families of Adopted Children

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Churches have an incredible opportunity to minister to families who are adopting. Jeff Land shares from his experience as a parent and children’s pastor dos and don’t in ministering to families who are adopting.

Jeff Land is Children’s Pastor at Sugar Creek Baptist Church in Sugar Land, Texas. Jeff has served with LifeWay Kids developing content and serving churches for several years. Jeff and his wife Abbey have four sons.

Jeff will also be leading a breakout session at our ETCH Family Ministry Conference October 17-19 in downtown, Nashville. We’d love for you to join us! Find out more here!

 

Family, Kids Ministry, Parenting

A Father’s Bucket List: 15 Things Every Believing Dad Must Do

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Welcome Guest Blogger, Aaron Wilson. Aaron is husband to Jennifer, father to 4-year-old twins, and serves as an associate editor in LifeWay Corporate Communications. He enjoys spending time with his family and writing about God’s glory. You’ll find other great parenting tips and encouragement in LifeWay’s  ParentLife Magazine.

A Father’s Bucket List!

  1. CHEER FOR HIS CHILDREN — Fathers breed godly confidence in their kids by being their biggest supporters, not just on the playing field, but wherever God calls young hearts to bring Him glory.
  2. ESTABLISH A REPERTOIRE of at least five character voices for story-time.
  3. DISCIPLINE IN LOVE — Faithful dads aren’t lazy when it comes to engaging sin in their children’s lives. Dads are prepared to stand up to the real enemy (even when it temporarily makes them out to be the “bad guy” in their children’s eyes).
  4. BE WILLING to get his hands dirty (drool, runny noses, diapers … yeah, you get the idea).
  5. BECOME A SPIRITUAL INSTRUCTOR — A father doesn’t delegate the principal role of teacher to Sunday School workers or YouTube channels. He takes the lead in forging a spiritual path of knowledge and wisdom for his children.
  6. KNOW HIS PLACE — Men who bow low before Jesus are the ones who stand tall as leaders of their families. They kneel in humility when the world says to bask in pride and rise up for their families when the world says to shrug with indifference.
  7. MAINTAIN A STRAIGHT FACE when he discovers his bag lunch for the office meeting contains a juice box and cartoon character fruit snacks.
  8. MODEL GOD THE FATHER — Dads have the unique privilege and responsibility of reflecting the first person of the Trinity to their kids. Often, a person’s most ingrained perception of God will come from memories of his or her own father.
  9. BE ABLE to turn an old cardboard box into a rocket ship or princess castle.
  10. CHARACTERIZE LOVE FOR HIS KIDS — Children in today’s culture are hungry to know what real love looks like. By demonstrating how to put the good of others first, fathers emulate the servant nature of Jesus (and the Biblical meaning of love) to their kids.
  11. POST WITH PARENTAL INTENT — Fathers leave a legacy of words for their children when they choose to post on social media. Dads can steward social networking for the good of their kids, who will grow up needing godly examples of how to navigate the digital realm.
  12. ASSEMBLE a bike or play kitchen in the living room at 1:00 am on Christmas morning.
  13. LOOK BEYOND THE MESS — Dads who have a heavenly perspective look past broken furniture and scratched walls to see the eternal investment found in parenting.
  14. CHERISH THE CHURCH — One of the greatest blessings a dad can give his children is to demonstrate a love for Christ’s bride, the church. Dads who lead their families to be involved in a local church are at an advantage when it comes to shepherding the home.
  15. RELY ON JESUS (NOT A CHECKLIST) FOR STRENGTH — Every dad who reads this list knows he doesn’t measure up (at least, not to the serious entries). That’s actually the point! Christian fathers succeed in life, not because they knock it out of the park as parents, but because they admit they’re sinners who need forgiveness and the enabling grace of Jesus. Biblical manhood doesn’t come from a performance checklist found in a Christian magazine; it comes from confidence in the finished work of Christ.

While there are many more things a dad might do, in the words of Jesus, only “one thing is necessary” (Luke 10:42). Take time this month to celebrate the fathers in your life who stand tall for their families by necessarily sitting at the feet of their Savior!

Family, Kids Ministry, Leadership

Better Together: Unify Your Ministry Strategy

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The best days in elementary school were when my teacher rolled in the giant metal cart with the VCR and giant TV strapped on top. The lights would be turned off in the classroom and we would learn by watching Wishbone or the Magic School Bus. Inevitably, the joy of watching a video in class would always abruptly come to the end in the same dreaded way: the lights would suddenly come on and blind us all!

In many cases, families in our churches can feel like someone suddenly changed a lighting situation as their kids move throughout different age group ministries. In many cases, we expect a family transitioning from kids ministry to student ministry to make abrupt transitions. Many churches suddenly expect kids and students to quickly adapt to different expectations, different strategies, different leaders, different structures, different times, and even different curriculum. There’s a better way of doing ministry.

Kids, students, and families desire consistency as they transition throughout a child’s life at your church. We believe kids ministry leaders, student ministry leaders, and family ministry leaders should work together to create a cohesive, unified approach to ministry for the families in their church. Your ministries work better when your ministry strategy is unified.

Here are three tips to help begin to unify your ministry strategies:

  • Communicate Often. It’s important that the kids ministry leader and the student ministry leader communicate often. You don’t have to know every detail of the other ministry, but it’s vital that you know what is going on in that ministry and that you develop a healthy working relationship with the other ministry areas. Trust and open communication are a huge first step in unifying ministry strategies.
  • Pray and Dream Together. I’ve heard of several churches doing a family worship night, or fun block party event focused on bringing together the kids and students ministries. These all started out with the family ministry leaders joining together and dreaming and asking God for guidance. Lift your fellow ministry leaders up in prayer, and dream openly and honestly about where you feel that God is leading your family ministries.
  • Attend a Family Ministry Conference Together. Make a point to attend a family ministry-focused conference with the key ministry leaders of your church. A conference could be just the right type of retreat that your family ministry leaders need to make memories, build relationships, and all get on the same page.

We believe that a unified ministry strategy is so important that it is the focus of our ETCH Family Ministry Conference held in downtown Nashville each fall. ETCH stand for “Equipping the Church and Home,” and we believe this is done best when everyone in a church’s ministry is on the same page. We hope you’ll join us at ETCH October 17-19, 2018 and we’ll dive deep into what it means to have a unified family ministry approach. Right now, you can even get a special early-bird rate for just a few more days! www.etchconference.com

Micheal Walley serves as the LifeWay Kids Event Producer. He is a graduate of Mississippi College and now lives in Nashville, Tennessee. Micheal has been serving in Kids Ministry from the moment he was “promoted” out of kids ministry himself. He loves coffee, leadership, all things creative, and his wife, Anne Marie.

Family, Kids Ministry, Parenting

Great Expectations: Four Biblical Expectations You Should Have for Your Kids

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Welcome guest blogger Kelly Mikhailiuk.

Life is full of expectations. When a woman is pregnant, we say she is “expecting.” We watch weather forecasts so we can learn what to expect and prepare accordingly. We struggle under the weight of others’ expectations of us or suffer disappointment when our expectations aren’t met. Whether we admit it or not, we expect certain things of our children. Our expectations may be high or low, realistic or unreasonable—but we all have them, and they affect the way we live.

What do you expect from your kids? What do they expect of themselves? Where do those expectations come from? How do they affect the choices you make? The Bible teaches us four things to expect of our kids (and ourselves)!

#1: THEY WILL SIN.

Our babies may be beautiful, naive, and unsullied by the evils of this world, but their hearts are bent toward sin and self. Like every human being, the default mode of a child’s heart is to put himself—not God—at the center of his universe and put his own desires first. Our children’s sin should grieve us, but it shouldn’t shock us. Every heart turns away from God like a sheep gone astray—there are no exceptions, “not even one” (Isa. 53:6; Rom. 3:10).

Help your kids recognize sin in their own hearts. Grieve with your kids over the effects of sin in the world. Guide your children to respond to their own sin with repentance. Model what it looks like to humbly confess your sin, believing that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us” (1 John 1:9).

#2: THEY WILL BE LOVED AND CARED FOR.

We love our kids. They depend on us, and we feel the weight of our role in their lives. It’s a glorious weight, but it can be a fearful one. If we’re honest, our love and care often falls short. In those moments, we need to be reminded that God loves our children more than we ever could, and His love never fails.

These precious kids are His, but He has given them to us for a time and He uses us to show them His great love. But when we fail, He is faithful. God is the only perfect Parent, and He is completely trustworthy. He loves our kids—and us—with a love that “surpasses knowledge” (Eph 3:19). If He loves us enough to offer up His own Son, will He not also “supply all [our] needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus”? (Rom. 8:32; Phil. 4:19).

#3: THEY WILL SUFFER.

We instinctively want to protect our children. If we could, we would shield them from all fear, pain, sadness, hardship, and disappointment. But we can’t. We can only trust God’s wisdom and love for our children (and ourselves). Jesus told His followers to expect “suffering in this world,” but to “be courageous” because He has “conquered the world” (John 16:33). Our comfort is in Christ (2 Cor. 1:5), and that goes for our children too. When our children suffer and when we suffer, we also experience the brokenness of this world, the sting of sin and death that pierced our hearts and tore through the entire creation.

But Christ took this sting of sin and death in his body (1 Cor. 15:54-57). He bore our sorrows, spoken and unspoken (Isa. 53:4-5). He wept with His friends and paid with His life to redeem His children and His creation from death (John 11:33-36; Rom. 8:18-21). He triumphed over evil, and we can find comfort in His victory (2 Thess. 1:5-7). One day God will wipe every tear from the eyes of His dear children, and all sin, suffering, and sorrow will be no more (Rev. 21:3-5).

#4: THEY WILL GROW AND MATURE.

We expect children to grow physically, and we want to make sure they get what they need to mature. Just like physical growth, spiritual growth doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that starts at the new birth and continues throughout life. We all grow in various ways and on different timelines, but God doesn’t let any of us stay the same for long. We can’t make our kids grow, but we can guide them to the nutrients they need (Scripture, prayer, fellowship with believers). We also can challenge them to exercise their faith through obedient service and worship, remembering that “neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth” (1 Cor. 3:7).

Even if a child is not a believer, God is still at work, and we should be faithful in pointing every child to God’s love and righteousness, repentance from sin, and faith in Christ. It is God who produces saving faith and its fruits in our lives. So, whether our children are followers of Christ or not, we can be encouraged that God faithfully cares for us and for those He has entrusted to our love and our gospel witness.

Adopting gospel-based expectations for our children and ourselves is both humbling and liberating. When we bring the gospel into our everyday language, teaching, and discipline, we create a safe space where—together with our children—we can take a hard look at sin, then lift our eyes in great expectation to the abundant grace of God in Christ.

Kelly Mikhailiuk is a stay-at-home mom and editorial freelancer. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, Taras, and their four young children.

A version of this article first appeared in the June 2016 issue of ParentLife. To order, visit HERE.

Devotional, Encouraging, Family, Kids Ministry, Leadership, Parent Helps, Parenting

9 Tips for Family Devotions

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Family Devotions are a time of worship. They look different for each family. One family’s devotion time may look different than another family’s devotion time. The family’s schedule, number of children, and age of children are some of the factors impacting what the family devotion looks like. Typically, a family devotion time includes, reading a Bible story from the Bible, singing songs, and praying, Use the nine tips below for beginning and maintaining a regular family devotion time:

  1. Intentionally Schedule Devotions. Make this time a priority by writing it on your calendar. While looking at the calendar, select a time that works best for your family, such as at breakfast, in the evening, or during the day.
  2. Be Realistic. Keep in mind the ages and developmental stages of your children. Devotions with young preschoolers will look very different than families with school-age children. Family devotions can range from a few minutes up to 15 minutes.
  3. Plan your time together. Consider using your child’s activity pages from church as a starting point. Select a Bible story to read and review. Choose a Bible verse to learn together as a family. Write down worship songs your family can sing together.
  4. Be Flexible. Family devotions will not always go according to plan. The important point to remember is that your family is spending time with God.
  5. Give Yourself Grace. If you miss the family devotion one day, give yourself grace. Start back fresh the next day to help establish the routine.
  6. Be Creative. If a family member isn’t able to be present due to travel or schedule, use technology to include him/her in the family devotion time. Technology can also be used to include grandparents and other out of town family and friends from time to time.
  7. Keep Devotions Fresh. Include variety in your family devotions. After reading the Bible story, incorporate activities such as making a Bible marker or playing a game to review the Bible verse.
  8. Focus on the Bible. The Bible is central to the family devotion. Use a Bible translation your child can understand. Allow him to hold the Bible, and to help find and read the Bible passage.
  9. Reinforce Lessons During Daily Activities. As opportunities arise throughout the day, remind your child of what you have been talking about and learned during family devotions.

Helpful resources to use in Family Devotions:

Read to Me Bible:  Use the prepared Bible stories to read to your preschooler.

The Big Picture Interactive Bible:  Use the downloadable free app to scan the illustration to watch and hear the Bible story come to life visually and audibly.

Bible Skills for Kids and Levels of Biblical Learning:  Resources to help parents understand age-appropriate biblical skills and concepts.

LifeWay Kids Curriculum App:  This free app includes games, puzzles, and content to help reinforce kids’ Sunday School lessons at home.

In Deuteronomy 6:4-7, the Bible shares that parents are to teach their children about God. They are the primary spiritual leaders of their family. Parents have the most significant influence on a child’s life and development. When parents make family devotions a priority, children learn to love the Lord their God with their heart, their soul, and their strength. What other ways can we as kids ministry leaders support and equip parents?

Delanee Williams serves as a Ministry Specialist with LifeWay Kids. She is a graduate of Baylor University and Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Delanee has served in kids ministry for over twenty years and is passionate about developing, equipping and encouraging leaders.

Encouragement, Family, Kids Ministry, Preteen, Resources

The Bully Situation: Bully or Bullied

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I’ve never been popular. In fact, I would probably say that I’m more liked now than I ever was as a child. I had a few friends, but I just wasn’t the most popular kid. I was an easy target. I wasn’t athletic and I did pretty well in school. I didn’t hit a growth spurt until I was in my late teens. At times, I was bullied. Probably due to certain personality traits, I was able to endure bullying with relative ease.

My situation is not true for everyone. Many kids really struggle with bullying and I totally understand why. Having your peers attack your worth as a human being is demeaning and crippling.

As I have gotten older, I feel like I’ve come to understand bullying from different angles. I can think back to situations where I was clearly bullied, but also I am ashamed to admit I can think of times where I was a bully.

If you think about it, there are probably those situations for you in your life. I think that we all have some level of bully in us, and if we are willing to admit it, there have been times that we have felt bullied. The smart person can bully the person who understands things more slowly. The athletic person can bully the person who just isn’t interested in sports. The theologian can bully the a person of opposing views.

We would love to introduce you to  “Bully or Bullied” by FLYTE. It’s a great resource for helping your preteens understand the impact of bullying in hopes that they will be more able to cope with bullying in the future. Using solid biblical teaching, preteens will learn about people in the Bible who were both bullies and bullied. This resource is available digitally and can be downloaded today!

Jeff Land is Publishing Team Leader for Bible Studies For Life: Kids. He holds a BSW from Mississippi College and a MACE from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Jeff has served as children’s pastor and currently teaches second graders each week at his church. Jeff, his wife Abbey, and their four sons live in Coopertown, TN.

Encouragement, Family, Kids Ministry, Leadership, Ministry

4 Things Not to Say to Parents of Children with ADD/ADHD

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We could not figure it out. Out of four of our sons, two definitely were struggling. A pleaser and very calm child, despite his best efforts, one of our sons could not succeed at his schoolwork. No matter what we tried, it wouldn’t work. Nothing made a difference and we couldn’t find an answer. One of our other sons did not really misbehave but flittered around from place to place, room to room, toy to toy with an unbelievable amount of inability to focus. We began talking to our friends and medical professionals to try to determine the source of the issue. While the presenting issue was different for both children, it was suggested and determined that they might both have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). On the advice of our pediatrician, we chose a medicine that would help our sons focus. Our decision wasn’t made blindly and we really agonized over it. That’s why it’s quite hurtful when a stranger or even a friend makes a comment about children who have ADD. I’ve decided to list a few so that hopefully you can share with your ministry volunteers so that they don’t accidentally alienate a family from your church.

  • I could never medicate my kids. You know, there was a time I might have said the same thing. Parents who choose to give their children ADD medicines are often at a point of helplessness. It’s not a decision that they made quickly. In fact, many struggle even after they have begun the medicine. Choose to respect every parent’s decision to do what they feel is best for their own children.
  • In my day, they fixed it with discipline. If you’ve been around any length of time, you’ve probably heard someone state that the cure for inappropriate behavior is discipline. It’s true that discipline is important. God commanded Christian parents to discipline their children. It has to be understood, however, that there are some times that no amount of discipline would work. It wasn’t that my son didn’t want to do well in school, he tried desperately, but he couldn’t. I’ve heard adult men and women say “I’m not smart” or “I didn’t do well in school.” I wonder how many of those people would have a different opinion of their intelligence if they had only been given the tool to help them focus and learn in the way they needed to.
  • Have you tried _______? People are often quick to offer their suggestions and desperate parents will try anything. We had private tutors coming to our home after school, we bought essential oils said to aid in focus, we changed dietary habits, and more. For some, those are enough efforts, but for our family and many others, they don’t treat the root of the problem.
  • Your child was so bad this morning. OK, so I really hope that no one has told any parents in your church the preceding statement, but any time a parent is made aware of a behavioral issue, no matter how kindly it is stated, the parent hears “your child was bad!” Recognize that the child wasn’t bad, his behavior was not appropriate. Try your best to avoid having to tell the parents. The child and the parents hear it enough in other places. They do not need to hear it at church. And quite honestly, there are just days that parents forget to give their children their medicine and then they are riddled with guilt.

Now, for the good news. Our children are thriving with their newfound ability to focus on their tasks. They have a great medicine and we work closely with our doctor to monitor it to the lowest possible dose. Our son who struggled so much to read is now on the honor roll and loves to read. Our other son is able to focus and have real, meaningful conversations. Choosing to use medicines for ADD in our home was a difficult one, but it is one that we feel was right for our family. Encourage your kids ministry leadership to consider this as they speak with parents of children who may have ADD.

Jeff Land is Publishing Team Leader for Bible Studies For Life: Kids. He holds a BSW from Mississippi College and a MACE from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Jeff has served as children’s pastor and currently teaches second graders each week at his church. Jeff, his wife Abbey, and their four sons live in Coopertown, TN.

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