Kids Ministry

Dedicated to helping Kids Ministry leaders in their mission of making disciples

Discipleship, Encouragement, Family, Parent Helps, Parenting

Top 8 Things Kids Need from Caregivers

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By Sarah Humphrey

I’m not sure about you, but I wasn’t 100% prepared for parenting when I became a parent. In fact, I was mostly clueless. Like many parents, learning how to raise kids came with a new need to read up on the topic, have a lot of prayer, trial, and error in my process, and also a lot of truth and grace about my present reality.  What I didn’t know, I started to study.  What didn’t work, I started to change.  And what I did well, I continued.  Just like learning anything in life, God has been gracious with me as I’m still learning to steward the lives of little ones, whether my own children or other children I encounter in life or ministry.

Over the course of the last eleven years, I’ve compiled a short list for myself on the top 8 things I’ve noticed children need from a healthy caregiver.  This has also helped me tremendously as a person, because all of us are still living with our childhood in tow, and watching children grow brings out the inner-child in us as well. 

Most people are juggling a lot of things at this time, whether school work and mask mandates, transitioning job responsibilities, or simply the demands of house and home. In a time when life can feel overwhelming, a short list can help us focus and come to a place of peace in our caregiving.

Here are the top 8 ways I’ve learned (and am still learning) to steward the grace of parenting:

  1. Be present.  Being aware, hands-free, and focused shows kids that they are important and that they matter.  Knowing this early on provides connection, comfort, and safety.
  2. Be prepared. Showing my kids that I have thought of them ahead of time makes them feel loved, seen, cared about, and nurtured.  When I’ve taken care of myself, I can much more easily take care of them. Self-care is a great way to be able to remind yourself that you have to fill your cup before pouring it out.
  3. Be intentional.  Looking for the ways to support or participate with your kids is one of the easiest ways to create healthy connections. Whether it’s getting up a few minutes early to make them breakfast, washing the clothes they love to wear, or clearing my calendar for events that matter to them, the simple act of intentionality makes everyone feel seen and valued.
  4. Be truthful. Kids love the truth. They are most often literal thinkers, and they need caregivers who will spend the time teaching them all the “Why’s” of life. Knowing the truth helps them feel safe, confident, and smart.
  5. Be encouraging.  As much as we are truthful, we also need to be encouraging. Kids thrive on enthusiasm and support.  Knowing that they are being guided, supported, and loved helps them thrive within themselves and with others.
  6. Be a good listener. Listening to kids is one of the smartest things we can do.  Kids are usually honest.  By hearing their requests, feelings, and thoughts, we show them that we care.
  7. Be patient and graceful.  Kids are learning so many new things every day.  It can feel overwhelming at times! Imagine being in a new city and not knowing how to get from one place to the next.  Children can often feel that way in a big world. Take the time to slow down and be gentle.
  8. Be playful and adventurous. Being around children brings out our sense of fun and imagination.  Take the time to be spontaneous, enjoy laughter, and have an out-of-the-box day or activity. As adults, it’s so important that we remember that the world is in God’s hands, and we can rest in that!

More than anything, enjoy the little ones in front of you. Caregiving takes a lot of energy, focus, and time, but there are few things more fulfilling than nurturing the life right in your midst!

Sarah is a wife and homeschool mom to three kids while also working as an artist, author, and voice actor.  Her writing and doodling can be found in her devotional, “40 Days to a Joyful Motherhood” and her voice in several commercials, children’s books, and audiobooks. She loves encouraging women and kids to embrace self-care, utilize their gifts, and become leaders in the community around them. 

Discipleship, Family, Parent Helps, Parenting, Teaching Kids

Teaching Kids to Talk to God

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By Sarah Humphrey

Life is better with a friend.  It’s even better when that friend is God! Who doesn’t want to have someone they can talk to, confide in, share thoughts and ideas with, and live life with every single day? For most of us, we have family members, friends, and colleagues that we can share our daily lives with. But for a lot of kids this day and age, that may not be the case.

No matter what home life a child comes from, whether healthy and vibrant or distant and challenging, teaching a child how to pray can make a long-lasting impression on them and can help them create a lifestyle of relationship with God from an early age.  

As parents or ministers, we all need to have some space from one another so that we can gather ourselves.  It can be a lot to hear children’s questions all the time or help them navigate the waters of life with every tide or turn.  That’s why teaching them to pray on their own is one of the most loving and beautiful points of connection they may ever learn. And it’s one of the most significant skills that we may ever teach. It’s a win/win for everyone!


God never tires of hearing from us (thank goodness!), and He is always available when we need a friend. So if you come across an extra chatty kiddo or one that seems to be struggling, here are a few points that can help them develop relationship and conversation with the One who always wants to spend time with them!

  1. Ask God how He’s doing! Have you ever realized that when we put our thoughts on God, that it always makes us think more clearly, hear better, and feel more alive? He just loves that! Take a few minutes to say “Hello” to Jesus and then spend a few more minutes in silence–listening and waiting for Him. Sometimes it’s the silence that actually makes our heart feel most peaceful, and God’s favorite thing to do is share is perfect love with us!
  2. Tell God about your day! You can tell Him out loud, or write it down.  You can draw a picture for Him, or even call Him on a pretend phone.  It’s good to let out feelings, happenings, and thoughts so they don’t get cluttered up on the inside!
  3. Speak out a special Bible verse that means a lot to you! Praying a Bible verse out loud or simply speaking it back to God is a great way to talk to Him. You can even sing it like a song, or draw it on paper. God loves to see what you make! 
  4. Practice listening.  When you have a conversation with a friend, it’s good to listen just as much as it’s good to talk.  When you take time to simply open your ears, especially after you share something with God, many times your thoughts and ideas become more clear.  If you chat a little bit, then wait a little bit, you might even start thinking of something new or start feeling a positive emotion, instead of a sad one. Practicing back and forth also helps form good manners, and it gives you a chance to learn how to pray a little bit longer each time!
  5. Say thank you often. Every good gift comes from our Father. He gives us nature, sunshine, life, family, and friends. When we say thank you every day, we learn happiness in a whole new way. It helps us have good attitudes about challenges, and it gives us the energy to love others well, too. Look around your surroundings, and practice saying thank you for what you see!

A few tips can go a long way for little ones! Kids love to connect, and teaching them to pray is a life-changing way to do so. 

Sarah is a wife and homeschool mom to three kids while also working as an artist, author, and voice actor.  Her writing and doodling can be found in her devotional, “40 Days to a Joyful Motherhood” and her voice in several commercials, children’s books, and audiobooks. She loves encouraging women and kids to embrace self-care, utilize their gifts, and become leaders in the community around them. 

Family, Parent Helps, Parenting, Uncategorized

How to Talk with your Kids

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These days, especially these days, our kids can easily isolate themselves in their rooms, on their screens, doors shut, earbuds in. And sometimes, it’s just easier that way, isn’t it? Not having to confront them with hard conversations; not asking a question, only to be the recipient of an eyeroll or a heavy sigh.  And they’re thinking the same thing on the other side of that door. It is a lot easier.

But easier is not better.

It’s time to take a risk of rejection and start pursuing our kids. Truly pursuing them.

Today’s generation is said to be the loneliest generation ever. (I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty lonely right now, myself.) We can do our part to help them through this, by letting them know we care, that they’re loved, and that they’re important. And maybe even letting them know we actually LIKE them! 

  • Timing is everything. Find times that your kids are at ease and more open to a little conversation. This could be at dinner, in the car, at bedtime. You’ll know when.
  • Have some questions in mind to get discussion started.
  • What was your favorite part of the day?
  • What was the hardest part of your day?
  • If you could stop doing one thing forever, what would it be? 
  • What’s something that you’re looking forward to?

As time goes by, doors will open for deeper discussions. But caution! Don’t try to jump there too quickly—they’ll get suspicious and ask what you’ve been reading. (I speak from experience!) 

I read recently that the entire Bible is the story of God pursuing us. Don’t you love that? Doesn’t it make you feel loved knowing that God desires a relationship with you? Imagine how your kids will feel when they realize that you truly desire a relationship with them. Start showing them now. 

Enjoy the pursuit! It’s worth it!

Klista Storts serves as an Editorial Ministry Specialist for Lifeway Kids. Before coming to Lifeway, she served as the Weekday and Preschool Specialist at the Tennessee Baptist Convention and as Director of Preschool Ministries at churches in Oklahoma and Tennessee. Klista has a passion for equipping leaders to share the love of Christ and lay foundations for conversion in the lives of kids.

Family, Parent Helps, Parenting

End of Winter Bucket List for Families

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By Sarah Humphrey

February can be a long month, even when it’s a short one! The days can be dark, and the ache for Spring starts to birth in us the desire for all things fresh and new.  Though it can be tough to keep kids motivated during the winter months, here are a few bucket list items that can spur you on in faith and fun.  They don’t cost much, and Spring will be here before we know it!

  1. Make an inside-the-house scavenger hunt.  Create a few riddles or clues about things around the house that can lead you on a mini-adventure. A half hour of running around the house can lead to a freshly charged heart and a laugh or two.
  2. Clean up the clutter! Have each of your kids fill up a garbage bag full of trash, tattered items, or things you don’t use anymore.  If you find some things in good working order that are no longer needed, make an extra pile of items to donate.  Whoever has the best bag of goods, gets $5!
  3. Make a Friday Night ice cream tradition.  Each Friday night, choose a new flavor of ice cream to share as a family.  Make it a point to try flavors you typically would never buy!
  4. Sibling arguments in close quarters? Have each child find a Bible verse that is encouraging or affirmative to each of their siblings. They may need some adult help, but it will be a joy to watch them support one another instead of squabble with one another!
  5. Arts and Crafts time is always a favorite! Head to your local store and buy a new coloring book, fresh paint, or even nail polish for girls.  Take the time to enjoy color, creativity, and the simple fun of fresh crayons and coloring inside (or outside!) the lines.
  6. Who doesn’t like to laugh? Google a few tongue twisters, and repeat them five–ten times.  Go faster with each repetition, laugh, and have some fun!
  7. Take a trip to your local store and find a new board game for the family to play together.  It’s amazing how much you can engage with one another when you learn a new game. Memories like these last forever, and the tradition can be carried on for years to come.
  8. Eat more cake! Baking together can be a sweet activity that includes following directions, learning about the ways of the kitchen, enjoying and expressing creativity, and also ending with a treat! Find a recipe that fits the age range of your kids, turn on a little music, and have fun creating something together!
  9. Take a nap. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is the hardest thing to make time for. Watch an afternoon movie until you fall asleep on the couch, cuddle in bed and close all the blinds, or sprawl out on your fuzzy carpet. A twenty-minute power nap is God’s grace to us all!
  10. Call a loved one you haven’t spoken to in awhile and check in! Hearing the voice of someone you love is one of the best things in life. During a time when people feel isolated and lonely, FaceTime and phone calls are such a gift.

Though we never want to wish away the time, winter can be tough.  Enjoy these tips to spruce up the last days of cold, and savor the sweetness of connection and comfort!

Sarah is a wife and homeschool mom to three kids while also working as an artist, author, and voice actor.  Her writing and doodling can be found in her devotional, “40 Days to a Joyful Motherhood” and her voice in several commercials, children’s books, and audiobooks. She loves encouraging women and kids to embrace self-care, utilize their gifts, and become leaders in the community around them. 

Encouragement, Family, Parent Helps, Parenting

How To Be Friends With Your Daughter (And Still Be The Parent)

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By Chrissy Duke

Being a parent and a friend often seems like a contradiction, or just too layered to be true at the same time. Either way, it is a common critique of parents that they either err on the side of being their child’s friend, or they simply have little to no personal relationships outside of setting boundaries and rules with their children.  Where is the balance and can there be a balance between the two?  

I remember as an elementary age kid one morning waking up to a horribly loud crashing noise. I ran out of my room to find my mom, who had recently had knee surgery, had slipped on the stairs and fallen down the entire flight. 911 was already being called because she couldn’t move.  Needless to say, it was scary as a young child, seeing this and watching your mom be taken to the hospital by ambulance. To skip to the end real quick – my mom ended up being okay and came home the same day! But I remember after this all happened, my dad took all of us kids for an early morning breakfast, maybe to cheer us up or to distract us all from what happened. Either way, when we got home, as I unwrapped my breakfast sandwich it slipped from the wrapper and fell to the ground. I immediately started bawling! My dad picked me up, set me on his lap, and whispered in my ear, “I know you’re scared, but mom is going to be okay.” I specifically remember the amazement I felt that he knew I wasn’t upset about the breakfast sandwich. I was so grateful in that moment that He understood me, and assured me that it was okay to be scared.

Whether we are family or friends, our goal in relationships is focused in the same direction and the ultimate goal is connection—to be known and understood. We all long for connection, a space where we can be known and know another. In fact, we don’t just long for it, we are made for it. God created us to be connected with others. It’s no small thing that God Himself is in constant connection and relationship with Himself. He is the triune God—Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  It’s hard to comprehend but He within Himself is fully in connection and fully known! He created us in His image, with the intentional design to need connection. We are not supposed to do life alone.  

A parent relationship and a friend relationship often look different. A parent connection happens naturally, automatically—simply because you are family. But a friend relationship seems like the place where connection is deeper. A friend is often the person whom you confide in and offer honesty with in a way you may not with a parent. When you go to a friend, you are really looking for someone who you can share with that will say, “oh man, i know how you feel.” “That is so unfair.” “I am so sorry you went through that.” “Wow, how awesome that happened!”  So, even though a friend and parent both seek connection, a parent may feel it’s impossible to be a “friend” because of discipline. boundaries and rules.  

I would like to offer one suggestion for you to create a connection with your daughter that reflects the automatic connection, as well as a deeper connection and understanding.  The invitation is to offer validation. 

Validation is when you recognize or affirm a person’s feelings or opinions as valid or worthwhile. At first glance, I’m sure you feel like validation is the wrong way to go especially if your child has just rolled their eyes at you for the hundredth time today, or they just shoved their sister down as they walked to their room. And yet, the most beautiful thing about validation is it does not declare their action as right or wrong. 

Validation is the opportunity to connect even in the most difficult or hurtful of situations. In Michael Sorensen’s book on validation, he says validation is essentially “saying to someone, “I hear you.  I get what you’re feeling, and it’s perfectly alright to feel that way.”1 You may have heard it said that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. Feelings are there to inform us, to tell us and point us to truth. When we validate someone, we for a moment suspend the right and wrongness of the situation and offer to empathize with the emotion. 

For example: when your daughter rolls her eyes again, you can offer validation of the emotion (not the action). “I don’t blame you for being frustrated right now, being told no is frustrating when you have a plan you would like to see happen.” You may be amazed how quickly this little thing called validation diffuses a situation. It immediately creates connection. 

Is this not the type of connection we look for in our friendships? What if, as parents, we can create opportunities for this same type of connection without stepping away from discipline and equipping our children to make wise choices. What if validation is a way we can enter into and appreciate their struggle and as we create connection we also create the safe space to reinforce boundaries?

If you read through the gospels, you will encounter countless examples of how Jesus validated His followers and friends without condoning their sin. Think about John 11 when Jesus weeps over the death of Lazarus. Even though He knew that Lazarus would rise again, “when Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, he was deeply moved in his spirit and troubled.” (v. 33). Jesus was compassionate to His friend, Martha, and the Jews, and despite their doubts, He extended an invitation for them to witness the miraculous resurrection of their friend, Lazarus.

It’s a beautiful reminder that our Heavenly Father isn’t just our Savior—He is our friend. And if you want to model your parenting after anyone, He’s the best example there is.

1. Michael Sorenesen, I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships (Autumn Creek Press, 2017).

Chrissy Duke is a passionate follower of Jesus Christ who loves to share what God is speaking to me with other young girls and women! She is also a wife and a mother of two beautiful girls. Chrissy has a calling to help the marginalized be recognized, heard, and helped. She does this primarily through an organization called Beauty For Ashes Africa. They work to combat human trafficking in North Africa, where they have a transition home for at-risk girls! Chrissy loves a good cup of coffee in the morning, getting outside in nature, and being with family.

Discipleship, Parent Helps, Parenting

Don’t “Outsource” Discipleship

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My dad is an increasingly rare kind of man. He grew up the son of a farmer outside of a town with one stoplight in the Texas panhandle. He spent his childhood on tractors as well as in the classroom. And while he would eventually earn a Ph.D. in statistics and teach at the university level for 40 years, he learned how to fix a refrigerator, change his own oil, install ceiling fans, and cultivate crops.

The reason I describe him as rare is because he’s just as likely to have a conversation with you about a bell curve or the statistical anomalies of the stock market as he is to help you fix the small engine on a lawnmower because that’s how he grew up – if something was broken, he would fix it. And if he and his dad didn’t know how to fix it, they’d take it apart, see how it worked, and then fix it.

I cannot do that. Some of it has to do with my natural unhandiness, but it also has to do with the fact that we have become an incredibly specialized culture. We have the luxury now of having very dedicated and knowledgeable people in every imaginable field, and as a result, we don’t have to know at least a little bit about everything. Because whatever we don’t know something about, we can just outsource that task to someone else, whether that means hiring someone to put up Christmas lights, repair our car, or invest our money.

We outsource. So why should discipleship be any different?

After all, church leaders are the experts. They’re the ones who’ve read the books, attended the conferences, and gotten the training. So Christians ought to expect the same level of proficiency coming from church leaders that they expect from a mechanic – when it comes to our spiritual growth and development, we outsource that task to the people who really know what they’re doing.

Right?

Surely yes, until we dig in a little further into a passage like Ephesians 4:11-13:

“And he himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness.”

Here you find a passage about spiritual gifts, about the church, about the nature of ministry, and about growth. In particular, you find some clarity on the issue above when it comes to the role of church leaders and church members.

Without going into too much detail, what you have first is a listing of people with specific gifts who often serve in full time ministry roles – apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers – these are people we know and love. They are the ones whose paid vocation is in the realm of spiritual growth and direction. But we have more than a list here – we have a job description. And that description is as important as it is often neglected in the minds of regular, every day church members:

… to equip the saints for the work of ministry…

To put it another way, the church staff is not to do the work of ministry, but rather to equip the saints for the work of ministry. Which means, of course, that there is a job description here for the regular, every day church member as well, and it’s this:

… the work of ministry…

This is not an outsource situation; it’s an equipping situation. And as church members, here is where our expectations should lie – it’s not that our church leaders manufacture spiritual growth and discipleship in us, but rather that they are effectively equipping us to do the work of ministry. So why bring this up now?

Well, because it seems to me that there has never been a time when the work of ministry more needed to be distributed. Everyone is hurting. Everyone is lonely. And everyone is fighting the drift. It would be a horrible, negligent mistake for us, as church members, to assume our church leaders are responsible for fighting this battle. It’s unfair to them, and it’s a gross avoidance of responsibility for us. This is our job, Christians, to do the work of ministry. To check in with each other. To encourage one another. To read the Bible and pray together.

The work of discipleship is not to be hired out; it’s to be joyfully accepted in our midst.

Discipleship, Encouragement, Family, Parent Helps, Parenting

Caring for Kids during Worldly Chaos

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By Sarah Humphrey

Thank goodness, 2021 is a new year! We are living in a time of history unlike any other. There were many barriers and some breakthroughs in 2020, and our children were watching how we dealt with them.  They are still watching, and they will continue to both mimic and seek help from us as this transition in history continues.

Though we may not know a lot about 2021, we do know that God is with us.  He promises us that, and it’s our response to Him that can make a big difference, not only in our community but most importantly in our home.

As a homeschool mom, I spend 2-3 days a week coaching my kids through a family Bible Study. As we’ve been studying the Names of God this year, we have been reminded several times of God’s protection, power, and provision for us.  Romans tells us clearly to keep our hopes up. 

“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” –Romans 8:28

In a world of many unknowns, God reminds us that He is El Shaddai, God All Powerful. He is the one who is in control, moving the puzzle pieces of history to serve His purposes, and we get to partner with what He says when He says it. 

And so, the days might be long, and the questions from our children might be plentiful, but we serve a God of answers! There is no better time to teach our kids how to memorize Scripture, pray simple prayers, and express their feelings through art and speech.  As we hear their voices rise in faith, our faith rises also.

If you’re looking for ways to encourage your young ones during this season, consider these simple tips for time together as a family:

  1. Set up a family calendar that includes time for dinners at the table, family devotions, or family movie night. Take the time to discuss the themes and current events that are unfolding in this season. If you watch a movie, give yourselves a few minutes to debrief how it made your kids feel, what they learned, and if they enjoyed the characters involved.  It’s small conversations that sometimes contain the most truth and awareness.
  2. Set aside time to pray together as a family. It doesn’t have to be complicated or serious.  But remember that a simple and consistent example of a 3-minute prayer is a marker of peace for children throughout their lives.  They will remember it. So, pray out loud before meals, before bed, before school, and any other appropriate time.
  3. Be honest. Be forgiving. And be gentle.  We are all learning something new right now.  It’s in times like these, that slowing down can be one of the wisest things we do.

May God bless you as you walk this year, and may He keep you and your family in peace during this time!

Sarah is a wife and homeschool mom to three kids while also working as an artist, author, and voice actor.  Her writing and doodling can be found in her devotional, “40 Days to a Joyful Motherhood” and her voice in several commercials, children’s books, and audiobooks.

Discipleship, Parent Helps, Parenting

The Role of Parents as the Primary Discipler of Their Children

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We’ve all heard the command of God through Moses to parents. These familiar words found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 encourage parents to be about the business of teaching the things of God to their children. This passage was one that was recited each day by faithful Hebrews. Today this passage is often used to encourage parents to be the champion for their children’s spiritual growth. The part that seems to be missing is the why. Why was it important for parents to teach their children the things of the Lord and recall the great and mighty deeds that God had done? A clue can be found in the Book of Psalms. 

Psalm 78 is a song of Asaph. The psalms of Asaph were written by either Asaph a temple leader under David’s reign, or any number of temple leaders given a similar designation. This Psalm reviews the history of Israel’s walk with God and sheds light on the importance of parents being responsible for teaching their children about the things of God. 

In the first eight verses of this Psalm, the writer illuminates the why behind the command. In one of my favorite verses in all of Scripture, Psalm 78:6 tells us that we are teaching our children, so not just our children, but a future generation—children yet to be born—might know. God’s command to parents to be the spiritual teachers of their children is not just to benefit the current generation, but to influence a generation that is yet to be born. By discipling our children, we also pass on the teachings of God’s wonderful works to the generation beyond. 

God’s Word is full of the mighty deeds that God has done. We as parents can pass on that knowledge, not just to our children, but to our children’s children and beyond. 

Kids Ministry, Parenting

How to Help Our Kids Adapt to Change Amidst Pandemic-Living

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Here we are in October, the reality of month eight of the Covid-19 pandemic settling in and clearly staying a while. As parents or ministry leaders, we are shifting gears into a new season as school is in session, we will surely have to shepherd the children amongst us through new things – different things and sometimes, difficult things.  There are many contexts we find ourselves in this fall season.  Some of us parents are working indefinitely at home alongside our kids who are now doing school at home.  Or, some of us may be watching our kids get on the bus with new school supplies that include jumbo hand sanitizer tubs for their classroom (which they may not get to leave for lunch or recess).  We know that after-school sports and clubs have either been cancelled or constrained to new regulations, that schools may at any time be cancelled due to outbreaks and that the possibility of virtual school may soon be a reality for everyone – not just those of us in the big cities.  These changes in normal rhythms are hard on us – and they can be hard on the kids in our lives.  We are living through a pandemic and the changes and fallout because of this reality are endless. As the grown-ups, however, we can help the youngest of these adapt to change and maybe even learn some major life lessons for their good in the meantime.  Afterall, we serve a good God and when we place our trust in him, we can teach our kids that he is in control and will be our helper.  Through that lens, here are a few things that can help our kids adapt to change while living through a pandemic:

  1.  Create Routines with Flexibility: Children (and adults) thrive on routine because they bring a sense of safety and security.  While it may be impossible to keep set routines like we’ve had in the past, we can still have expected rhythms to set in motion.  For example, mealtimes might be all over the map if kids are on different school schedules – but you can still have a touch point with them at breakfast, lunch (if they are home) and dinner.  You can still provide their expected, favorite foods – even fun surprises with a treat here and there.  Wake-up and bedtime routines should be as constant as possible, regardless of school and work scenarios.  For example, if kids are schooling at home, they should still have a set bedtime routine.  Even if they think they don’t like it, ultimately it will help their sleep and any anxiety that can creep in during unknown seasons like the one we are all in.  
  2. Look for Growth Opportunities:  Our kids are no longer living the same old status quo lives they are used to living. While it may be uncomfortable for them to be flexible about things they love, say getting to sit with their friends at lunch, it can also be an opportunity to stretch them and help them grow in various ways.  Encourage them to take risks where appropriate, such as learning to be kind to the kids around them that may not be their usual running buds.  For virtual learners, embrace the fact that while they are in front of screens more, they are indeed learning to navigate digital platforms, upload assignments, and manage their time – much like the workplace environment today.  Let’s not miss these rare chances to help them try new things, take some chances, and work outside their comfort zone.  It’s been said many times that kids are resilient – and they are; so, provide opportunities for growth as you see them.  
  3. Pursue Spiritual Development:  As we watch our children go back out into the world in spite of the Covid-19 virus, we as adults wrestle with our own anxiety and insecurities. In many ways, we are more anxious and nervous than they are.  Experts are pleading with us to not express or process our anxiety in front of our kids because they are looking to us for safety.  They take our cues from watching us so if we are pacing the floor with worry about catching the virus or stressed out at the thought of working from home while kids are schooling from home, you can bet our kids will be anxious and stressed as well.  Even worse, they may think that our disappointment in the situations we find ourselves in, is an expression of disappointment in them.  We do not want to send these signals.  Instead, let’s pursue our own spiritual health and work out our fears and anxieties with the Lord through His Word and a strong prayer life.  Let’s lay our very valid concerns before him and truly model to our kids how to live life with peace and joy knowing that God is in control and that he never leaves us.  Child therapist, Sissy Goff says, “kids need a safe and non-anxious adult in their life in order for them to not be anxious.”  Therefore, we must pursue our own spiritual health so that we can use this time to help our kids look to God for their own peace and contentment.  Truly, a wonderful life-long lesson could come out of this season if we model what it means to look to the Father for everything we need.  

All in all, our prayer should be that this pandemic would not be wasted by holding our breath until it is over, that we wouldn’t put our head in the sand or worse, articulate our fear and worry in front of our children.  Our prayer should be that this would be a teachable time in spite of significant changes in our lives.  Even our little ones will know that they can count on us when we have resolved to place our hope in Jesus and completely depend on him for all of our needs.  

The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need.  Psalm 23:1 CSB

Jana Magruder serves as the Director of Lifeway Kids. She is a Baylor graduate and offers a wealth of experience and passion for kids ministry, education, and publishing. She is the author of Kids Ministry that Nourishes and Life Verse Creative Journal, which she co-authored with her teenage daughter. She and her husband, Michael, along with their three children reside in Nashville.

Parenting

3 Reasons Why “How Was Your Day?” Is The Wrong Question to Ask Your Children

By

“Fine.”

Sometimes I wonder if that’s the response that Adam got from Cain when he asked him throughout his life, “So how was your day, son?” I can almost see in my mind Abraham, at over 100 years old, walking into the tent, laying down his cane, and saying the same thing to Isaac, “So, my boy, my great hope, my promise from God… How was your day?”

“Fine.”

The spirit behind the question is good. We care about each other in our families, and one of the ways we do is by engaging each other in discussion. Talking and listening, giving and receiving. The spirit is right, and it’s certainly better than the alternative of not asking any question at all and instead every family member just being absorbed in their own stuff, even when they’re all together.

But even if the spirit is right, perhaps the question is wrong. And there are good reasons to believe this to be true:

1. It’s not specific enough.

“How was your day” is the textbook general question. And general questions generally receive general answers. When we ask a question like this, we are putting the responsibility on our children to volunteer difficult information rather than taking the burden on ourselves to know enough about what’s happening in their lives to ask them about that life in a more specific way. In other words, a specific question is a small way of dying to ourselves.

Instead of the general question, ask about specific relationships. Ask about tests. Ask about what you talked about the previous night. We want to show our kids not only that we care, but that we actually remember. But to do that, we have to listen, and then bring up what’s been talked about before. Which is, in truth, easier said than done, especially since we are already preoccupied with how our own days went. But again, here we have a small opportunity to die to ourselves for the sake of our kids.

2. It’s not hard enough.

“How was your day?” is an easy question. And an easy question asked is an easy question to dismiss. It’s as if both parties in the conversation can, in the span of 15 seconds, check off the daily check-in from their to-do list and get back to the real business of life. A general question, then, requires virtually nothing of either the asker or the answerer.

Engaging with our kids is not easy. It’s hard a multiple levels – hard emotionally as we hear about their pain, hard practically as it takes time and patience, and hard even physically sometimes as those children have trouble expressing themselves. But the hard is not bad. The hard is good, and so is the patience and perseverance that comes from it.

3. It’s not reflective enough.

As parents, and maybe in particularly as a father, we are meant to reflect something more. See, fathers are shadows of a greater Father. God has given us these children not only to protect them, provide for them, and teach them – He has given us these children for us to point them to their true Father. I am, as their dad, a visible portrait of an invisible reality. In other words, both when I do the right thing and when I come up short as a dad, I am but a shadow of who God is. By God’s grace, I pray that our kids might say over and over again when they encounter God is something like this: “It’s like daddy, but better.”

  • God loves me like daddy does… only better.
  • God provides for me like daddy does… only better.
  • God disciplines me like daddy does… only better.
  • God takes care of me like daddy does… only better.

Our questions ought to reflect that reality. That in the same way we are commanded to cast all our cares on the Lord – not just the big and significant ones, but all of them – so also should we be specific, attentive, and engaged enough to not just know what those cares are in our families, but to ask about them. In so doing, we are pointing our whole families, but in particular our children, to their greater Father in heaven.

Parents, let’s be diligent in this. Let’s not let ourselves off so easily, but instead press in and press on. It will take time, but as we do simple things like asking better questions we can develop habits. And those habits lead to the kind of culture we want to have in our families.

Michael Kelley lives in Nashville, Tenn., with his wife, Jana, and three children: Joshua, Andi, and Christian. He serves as the Sr. Vice President of Church Ministries for Lifeway Christian Resources. He is the author of Growing Down: Unlearning the Patterns of Adulthood that Keep Us from Jesus, Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, and God; Transformational Discipleship; and Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life.

This post originally appeared on michaelkelley.co.

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