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Family Ministry, Kids Ministry
November 2, 2020

Designing a Family Focused Kids Ministry

By Jana Magruder

Kids ministry can often be focused only on the kids. But it is important for us to engage families, as well! Parents need the support of the church as they live out their role of discipleship at home, and we as kids ministers can help set them up for success.

Here are a few ways to do this:

  • Make it easy and accessible to parents. Parents may not have enough time to go through a whole book. It is helpful to consolidate and give simple activities for parents to cultivate a family experience.
  • Consider the age of the kids. Be sure that the take-home content is appropriate for the age of the family, helping parents keep their kids engaged.
  • Give them God’s Word! Of course, you can send fun family activities, but be sure that the highest value is placed on the family’s time in the Word. Reading the Bible with their kids is the best thing parents can do. Give them a nightly reading plan, or a Bible verse that they can memorize for the week.
  • Provide content that supplements the Sunday lesson. The great part about Explore the Bible: Kids, Bible Studies for Life: Kids, and The Gospel Project for Kids is that they have take-home content that will help families reinforce the weekly lesson. Be sure to either email, mail or hand out these pages to parents each week. 
  • Equip parents to point their kids back to the Gospel. Whether through newsletter, video or text, take time to equip parents to use daily occurrences to point their kids back to the Gospel. 

At the end of the day, we want to champion families to begin discipleship at home. With a family focused kids ministry, we are able to empower parents to get involved and get into the Word with their kids!

Family, Family Ministry
September 14, 2020

Reaching Families at Home

By Jana Magruder

By Jana Magruder

If you are in kids ministry, you know that one of the most critical pieces of your role is connecting the Church with the Home. Many times, we think of the Church first, meaning how we engage kids when they are with us for small groups or Sunday school, VBS, etc. and then thinking that the purpose is to link what you are teaching kids at church to the home. Your strategy in doing this may be to connect with parents about which Bible stories kids are learning and how they can continue the learning at home. All of that is completely fine and good—until a pandemic hits! Suddenly, the whole model most of us have established is completely flipped. So now, we think of home first. Even if kids are starting to come back to church, we know that this next year is going to be uncertain, and we want families to be discipling at home, because this has really been our goal all along. We know the “why” behind family ministry is to equip parents to be the primary discipler of their children because it is a biblical command in Deuteronomy 6.  Most of us have been banging this drum for a long time, and now is our time to truly call the families we serve to action whether at church or at home. And right now, especially at home.  How do we do this? Here are 3 guiding principles for you to implement in your ministry right now: 

  1. Make it easy and accessible. We know parents are busy and even overwhelmed right now. Many of them are working full-time on top of monitoring kids learning at home. So, if we want them to disciple their children at home, we need to make it as easy as possible. One idea for this is to send them one link per week. What’s in that link is up to you! It might include Bible story videos with follow-up questions, family activities, or a prayer prompt. Whatever you choose to send them, consolidate your resources to one link and either email it to them or use a social media platform for them to access it.  
  2. Give them God’s Word! Research tells us that the number one thing that affects spiritual growth in both kids and adults is reading the Bible. Let’s challenge families to gather together and read Scripture. Now more than ever, we need the comfort, wisdom, and truth about the authority of God over our lives. An idea for how to do this is to ask families to commit to reading a book of the Bible together over the course of a month while choosing one verse to memorize. It would help if you went ahead and chose that book and verse for them—maybe even sending them a daily reading plan in that one link from point 1. Have fun with it! You can even create a calendar and fun social media posts reminding the parents you serve to read the Bible with their kids.  
  3. Connect back to the gospel! We want our families to talk about the gospel together—often! So we need to equip them to be comfortable with having gospel conversations throughout the week. Everyday situations usually have a connecting point to Jesus. The idea here is to use a simple format to help parents explain the gospel to their children. This could be done in the format of a video of you modeling a gospel presentation or a printable PDF explaining the gospel in age-appropriate ways.  

The best way to reach families at home is to make it easy, give them God’s Word, and connect back to the gospel. If you need more tangible ideas for how to do some of the things suggested, check out our At Home resources that come with any of our curriculum resources including The Gospel Project for Kids, Bible Studies for Life: Kids, or Explore the Bible: Kids. Each of these have specific, one-link resources for you to send your families to engage their kids with the Bible and ultimately point to Jesus. Let’s face it, He is where our hope comes from, and the families you serve need the hope of Christ now more than ever.

Jana Magruder serves as the Director of LifeWay Kids. She is a Baylor graduate and offers a wealth of experience and passion for kids ministry, education, and publishing. She is the author of Kids Ministry that Nourishes and Life Verse Creative Journal, which she co-authored with her teenage daughter. She and her husband, Michael, along with their three children reside in Nashville.

Family Ministry, Kids Ministry
March 4, 2020

Helping your kids make a smooth transition to student ministry

By Kids Ministry 101

By Alli Brown

Since they can remember, all kids know is the kids ministry at their church. They’ve grown up there, made friends there, and before they know it, it’s time for them to head to the youth group. Thinking about the kids in your ministry that will be transitioning to the student ministry soon may give you a wave of fear or uncertainty. They probably had that same fear about coming into the kids ministry from preschool!

I’m sure you’ve learned one of the best ways kids get involved is through those milestone experiences—camp, lock-ins, VBS, and so forth. They may look different, but these events are still happening while kids are in youth! The best way to start making this transition is to, first, partner with your Student Pastor. You don’t want “Graduation Sunday” to just be a hand off. Let the kids see the Student Pastor’s face, know things about him, and see him get involved. I remember when I was in elementary school, the Student Pastor would come to some of our events and hang out with us. He wanted to get to know us and know what to expect when we came to the youth. This gave us buy-in with him! We got to know him on a personal level, and didn’t feel like the youth group was looming over us when we were in 5th grade! 

Talk with your Student Pastor about events they have coming up, and consider letting those 5th graders join in! Show them what they have to look forward to, but also how things are similar/different from the kids ministry. This is a great time for those 5th graders to get to know the middle schoolers, and even older youth that they’ll soon be included with at church. Juniors and seniors in high school may seem super intimidating to a 5th grader, but once they get to see them being silly and get to hang out with them at church events, they’ll see they’re not so scary and like to have fun just as much as they do! 

The biggest worry—losing these kids in church. The kids ministry has been a place of spiritual learning, growth, and formation for them. One of the most critical things about this time is making that transition to the youth meaningful and worth it for them, or else we can see kids start fading away from the church. This is a great time to partner with the parents. Prep them for what’s coming, be patient with them, and maybe even provide resources for them as their kiddo is growing up! The parents will need to know it’s worth it for their kids to still be involved in the student ministry. 

Just remember, this can be a crazy time in your life and the life of these kids, but they love you! Don’t become a stranger to them just because they’ve moved up to the student ministry. Always be sure to say hey and still give them a high five when you see them in the halls at church! Keep taking the time to invest in their lives. A few of these kiddos may even be the ones that come back and want to volunteer in the kids ministry later in life. Who knows, they may be the next Kids Minister to fill your shoes!

Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Leadership
February 5, 2020

Equipped for Ministry

By Brian Dembowczyk

Pursuing opportunities to develop in ministry is important. In this blog post four key questions are shared that you will want to ask yourself as you decide how best to grow for ministry. 

Serving kids and their families is one of the greatest privileges God gives. It’s also one of the greatest responsibilities He gives. Partnering with parents to point their kids to the beauty of the gospel is an odd mixture of joy and doubt. One moment we experience unspeakable joy at seeing God use us to help the gospel take deeper root in a child’s heart and the very next minute we wonder if we have anything to offer kids—anything at all. 

It is during the latter times when we find the old axiom “God doesn’t call the equipped but equips the called” so comforting. It’s good to remember that God provides all we need to serve Him. But this equipping is not automatic. We need to pursue it and choose the best available training from a number of options. Here are four key questions to consider as you pursue your ministry development options: 

1. Why am I pursuing ministry development? While you might be quick to answer that you want to pursue development to serve in ministry better, be careful that there isn’t some other reason lurking deeper down. For some, the real reason is validation—to prove one’s value to others. For others, the deeper reason is career advancement. While neither of these reasons are inherently wrong, neither can be the main reason. Serving kids and parents more faithfully must be. 

2. Do I have the resources? The main resource you need will be time. Do you have the time to invest in development opportunities? The other main resources are money and energy. What resources you have available will greatly influence the specific type of development option you should pursue.

3. What are my informal options? If any one of your three main resources—time, money, and energy—is limited, you will definitely want to go the informal development route. Here are a few of the main options you might pursue:

  • Podcasts. Podcasts are one of the cheapest most accessible options out there today. What can be better than listening to a theology, ministry, or leadership development podcast during a commute to maximize your time? The Kids Ministry 101 podcast is a great place to start.
  • Blogs. Like podcasts, blogs are an inexpensive, accessible option for development. While it is more difficult to multitask while reading blogs, an advantage of this option over podcasts is that it allows you to jot down notes and move more slowly over some content that you want to chew on.  
  • Books. Books require more of a financial investment but they will generally provide more depth than either podcasts or blogs. Many great books also come in audio format, allowing the multitasking win of podcasts with greater depth. 
  • Training Platforms. Training platforms, such as Ministry Grid, requires another step up financially, but opens a new world of training opportunities. Many of the training resources include videos and study guides providing sort of a classroom feel. 
  • Personal discipleship. This one shouldn’t really be an option, but a given. We are all called into discipleship relationships, in both directions. Someone should be pouring into us as we pour into others. If you don’t have someone pouring into you, consider some of the ministry leaders in your community and ask one. 

4. What are my formal options? If you have the time, money, and energy, then formal development might be the way to go. There is something about learning in community at a Bible college or seminary that cannot be matched. Until recently, this meant you either needed to live near a college or seminary or you were able to move to one. But distance learning has blossomed, even allowing you to pursue a PhD from your home. If you are considering this route, it is a big step that requires ample research. Don’t just go with the cheapest or easiest option; you want to make sure you choose an academic institution that meets what you need in all three of these areas:

  • Accreditation. Simply put, only consider accredited institutions. You will likely stumble across a number of internet options that seem too good to be true—because they are. Accreditation is not just important, it is essential. Without it, you cannot be guaranteed of the quality of education you will receive and you greatly limit who will recognize what you earn. 
  • Denomination Affiliation. Be sure to know the denominational affiliation and statement of faith of the institution and be good with both. This will not only affect what you learn in classes, but it might also impact future career opportunities. Like it or not, right or wrong, one of the first items prospective employers will notice on a resume is the academic institutions you attended. 
  • Focus. Not all Bible colleges and seminaries are alike. Many will try to stand out from the crowd by specializing in a particular area of ministry. Know what the institutions you are considering are known for and also be sure to confirm that the degree you are interested in is offered. This is especially important if you are interested in a degree in children’s ministry; not all seminaries offer one. 

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to LifeWay. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Encouragement, Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Parent Helps, Parenting, Preschool, Preteen
January 27, 2020

30 Things Parents Should Say to Their Kids

By Brian Dembowczyk

Words matter. The words parents use have great power to give life to their kids. Here are 30 life-giving things parents should consider saying to their kids on a regular basis.  

In the Book of James we read that the tongue, although quite small, can do great things. We are also warned to control the tongue, because it can just as easily do terrible things (James 3:2-12). When we think of controlling the tongue, we often think of stopping it from saying harmful things, but sometimes the greatest harm a parent’s tongue can do is to be still. It’s not enough for kids not to hear life-taking words, they also need to hear life-giving words. Here are 30 life-giving things parents should consider saying to their kids on a regular basis. 

  1. I love you.
  2. God loves you.
  3. I will always love you no matter what, because you are my son/daughter.
  4. You are a blessing, a gift from God.
  5. I am proud of you.
  6. I am glad that you are my son/daughter.
  7. If God would have let me choose whomever I wanted to be my son/daughter, I would have chosen you. 
  8. When you grow up, you can be whatever God calls you to be. 
  9. You matter because you matter to God.
  10. You can tell me anything, and I will listen. 
  11. God wants you to make much of Him right now wherever you are in whatever you do. 
  12. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?
  13. I forgive you. 
  14. I trust you.
  15. I like who you are. 
  16. Mistakes happen.
  17. God forgives. 
  18. Trust in Christ. 
  19. What are you reading about in your Bible?
  20. What are you talking to God about when you pray? 
  21. You are an image bearer of God, a person of infinite worth. 
  22. Why you do what you do matters as much as what you do. 
  23. How can I pray for you?
  24. Have fun and laugh today.
  25. You have my total attention.
  26. What do you think?
  27. (Grades, sports, etc.) is not most important; God is. 
  28. Let’s do that together. 
  29. You give me joy.
  30. Yes.

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to LifeWay. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Leadership
January 1, 2020

6 GAPS BETWEEN KIDS AND STUDENT MINISTRY

By Trey Garza

Whether they articulate it or not, parents intrinsically want the Kids and Student ministries in a church to be coordinated, at least to the degree that their child feels at home as they move from one ministry to the next.

This is often not the reality that they experience. Kids and Student ministries often function in completely different worlds. They make decisions independently and rarely communicate, coordinate, or collaborate on ministry strategy, philosophy, purpose, or experience. I recently had the opportunity to contribute to Facts & Trends magazine to explore the issue of identifying and bridging gaps that exist between kids and student ministries. We wanted to share this article with you through our own Kids Ministry 101 blog as well.

This summer my 13-year-old son and I went on a mission trip to Jamaica with a group from our small church. Our primary purpose was to facilitate VBS in a poor community in the center of the island. It was a fantastic week and we saw God work in awesome ways—not just in kids, but in whole families.

While we were there we stayed at a hillside boarding house. The property was protected by tall, colorfully painted cement walls, and the small parking area was protected by a massive metal gate that rolled in a 6-inch-wide groove in the ground that was ankle deep.

The gate was designed to protect guests from outsiders when it was closed, but when it was opened it became a hazardous gash in the ground that nearly broke the ankles of several of our team members.

I quickly found myself acting as the gate gap guard; cautioning my teammates to ‘mind the gap,’ lest they unknowingly stumble into the cavernous chasm that could take them out of commission.

Fortunately, none did. Because we noticed the gap, we were able to take proactive steps to avoid the harm that it might have otherwise inflicted and our mission was not delayed or distracted by the calamity that it could have caused.

My experience running VBS in that small Jamaican community, and in avoiding the gaping gate gap at our guesthouse, caused me to ponder the state of the church back home. I believe many of our churches unknowingly have deep and dangerous gaps.

While these are not physical chasms in the ground, they are real, and churches are losing kids and families because of them. The gaps I am talking about are the areas of disconnect that exist between ministry areas.

The most pronounced and prominent gaps may well be the ones that separate our kids and student ministries. When ministry areas operate in isolation, we may find people are connected to individual ministries for short seasons, but aren’t securely attached and connected to the church as a whole.

Churches are vulnerable to lose families when it’s time for kids to transition from one area to the next. As ministry leaders, we need to identify and acknowledge our gaps and mind them well on behalf of the families we serve. By tightening some gaps and bridging others we may prevent some of our families from falling into the cracks.

1. RELATIONAL GAPS (THE WHO)

Relational gaps can take on two forms. The first one, ministry relational gaps, occurs when there is a lack of connection between ministry leaders. Churches are stronger when kids and student ministry leaders know, trust, encourage, support and promote one another.

The second, personal relational gaps, occurs when people who attend a church feel relationally isolated from other members. They desire, but don’t find, meaningful and lasting friendships, relationships, and acceptance within the church.

People want to be where they feel known, loved, valued and appreciated, and kids want to be where their friends are. If a child’s perception is that her friends are all in the kids ministry, but she now has to move up to the student group, she may feel relationally isolated, and not connect well.

Bridge this gap with communication. Kids and student leaders need to interact with one another more and better. These leaders may not seem to have much in common at surface level. They may be of different ages and genders, and may be at different stages of life.

Meaningful communication between these leaders may require effort and intentionality, but the connection they build is invaluable for the sake of kids and their families. Leaders must always be aware of the relational gap that kids face as they advance from one ministry area to the next and take active steps to connect newcomers into friend relationships.

The effort we take to build strong connections will pay off in creating security and a sense of belonging.

2. PHYSICAL GAPS (THE WHERE)

Kids and student ministries tend to function in separate spaces places. This practice can be a good thing inasmuch as it gives unique contexts and identities to the two ministry areas, but moving from a place that is familiar and comfortable to another that is unknown can be intimidating for kids as they advance and can cause stress that keep them from making the transition.

Bridge this gap with celebration. Make changes in environment an exciting rite of passage to which kids can aspire. Create opportunities for kids to visit and tour their future gathering spaces. This may look like an open house for kids and parents (parents need to feel familiar also) or visiting a class for a week or two before the transition.

Celebrate the arrival of newcomers with welcome receptions and a party atmosphere. Getting younger kids comfortable with their new location can alleviate the stress of the unknown, and actually get kids excited as they anticipate moving up.

3. SCHEDULE GAPS (THE WHEN)

Unfamiliar and uncoordinated ministry times and cadences can make it difficult for kids to transition well into the student space. The primary time slot for children’s ministry is typically on Sunday morning. While kids may have Sunday night or Wednesday evening programming, attendance at those times tends to be lower in kids ministries.

In contrast, student ministries tend to have their largest ministry gatherings midweek or Sunday evening. Some student groups meet on Sunday afternoons or Saturday nights.

These shifts in schedule can be a hurdle for families with busy routines to overcome, especially if they have multiple children who are involved in both kids and student ministries. 

Bridge this gap with coordination. Make things as easy as possible for families by scheduling regular kids and student gatherings on the same days, at coordinated times, and on the same campus.

This will require collaboration on the part of leaders, but maintaining consistent and predictable schedules that coincide will build a culture of meeting times for which families can plan.

4. EDUCATIONAL GAPS (THE WHAT)

There is often a large disconnect in the content taught in kids and student areas. Areas often choose curriculum resources separately and follow their own individual study plans without consideration of a progression of learning for kids as they advance.

Kids are generally taught foundational Bible stories from first through fifth or sixth grade. Students regularly focus on real-life situational issues. Both types of teaching are important for developing mature and fruitful faith, but the gap between kids and students teaching plans can be a tough adjustment for many kids to make.

Bridge this gap with cooperation. Kids and student leaders can align their curriculum choices, opting to use the same resource for both kids and students.

While the approach to study can be contextualized to the different age groups and physical settings, kids and families can continue on the same, or a very similar, journey in regards to study style, approach to application, and the scope and sequence of their study plans.

5. PHILOSOPHICAL GAPS (THE WHY)

Kids and student ministry leaders can be motivated by starkly different mission, vision, and values, all of which impact the decisions leaders make in regards to content and methodology.

A ministry’s why acts as a target and a filter as leaders build strategic plans for their ministries. Even if each ministry has its own clear and compelling goal, without building in some common language in regards to the church’s larger purpose, we may unintentionally create philosophical gaps that make ministry areas feel disconnected as people move from one to the next.

Bridge this gap with contemplation. When kids and student leaders agree to adopt and adapt to a common mission, vision, and purpose for ministry, the gap between areas will be greatly diminished—even if they use different methods or resources.

Having a common why unites us in culture and mission. Landing on a shared philosophy of ministry may take deep thought and shared philosophical, theological and methodological contemplation, but the return is well worth the investment.

6. METHODOLOGICAL GAPS (THE HOW)

The way we do ministry looks and functions differently between kids and student areas.

Kids may sit in rows or around tables where they complete worksheets, memorize verses and provide simple answers to questions around a Bible lesson, but they primarily listen to biblical stories and teaching.

Students in the same church may sit in circles, perhaps even on sofas, with the expectation of participating in active discussion and application of abstract spiritual truths. This change in teaching methodology can cause young kids transitioning into a Student ministry environment to feel insecure, intimidated, and uncomfortable. Some may subsequently drop out.

One group or the other may meet in a large open auditorium with a big stage, lots of energy, a praise band and concert lighting. Unless both groups share this culture, moving from one to the next can cause culture shock.

Bridge this gap with collaboration. When leaders from both teams understand each other’s what and why they can work together to bridge gaps in how they each execute ministry to make transitions easier for children as they move from kids ministry to youth group.

This may mean placing older kids within the children’s ministry into a special discussion group set in a more youth-like environment to begin preparing them for student conversations.

Kids and student teams might also plan to attach a bridge adult leader to a group of children who are advancing. This adult leader might begin working with kids in the children’s space, and then move to the student area with advancing students to help them make a clean transition.

This type of strategy requires a high degree of collaboration from ministry leaders, but it has the successful adjustment of the child in mind.

If we aren’t careful, we can lose families into the gaps that exist between our kids and student ministries. As ministry leaders, we need to come together around a common mission, purpose, and strategy as we minister to kids, students, and families.

Ultimately, each specific ministry within a congregation should share the common and consistent culture of the overall church. Evaluate your gaps, and take active steps to build bridges that set kids and families up for success and satisfaction as they grow.

CHUCK PETERS (@_chuckpeters) is director of operations for LifeWay Kids. He is a graduate of Columbia Bible College. A creative person by nature, Chuck’s unique combination of experiences in media production, business, and ministry has caused him to become an unexpected fan of strategy, data, and analysis in ministry. He lives outside Nashville with his wife and four kids.

This article originally appeared on Facts & Trends.

Family Ministry, Kids Ministry, Parenting
September 12, 2019

Guiding kids and parents from Kids Ministry to Student Ministry

By Kids Ministry 101

Guest Blogger Kimberly Wells shares tips to help kids and parents navigate the transition between kids ministry and student ministry.

Every year around this time, kids and parents make the transition from kids ministry to youth ministry. This may seem like a normal, expected move, but it can make significant waves in the life of a child. This is the moment where they move out of comfort into uncertainty, away from trusted teachers and systems to something new, and being on the top to back to the bottom. Not to mention all of the emotional, physical, and mental changes kids are experiencing. As a kidmin leader, I cannot take a lackadaisical approach to this epic moment in our kids’ lives. 

We know kids ministry is more directed to working with parents whereas student ministry works more with the students attending. Because of this, it is crucial to guide both parents and kids effectively into student ministry. In my time on church staff, this movement requires more thought and preparation than almost anything else.

Here are three tips that I have found to be helpful for this transition: 

  1. Communicate!  Both parents and kids struggle in today’s time to balance school, work, extracurriculars and the like. It is even more imperative than ever to communicate effectively. In our ministry, we communicate in various mediums: written, weekly emails, social media, announcement TVs, and info kiosks. We want our parents to have multiple avenues to knowing what is going on in each ministry. In order to help parents and kids transition to student ministry, communicating what major dates are happening as far as promotion, events, and other important details, will mean a lot.
  2. Give space to discover. Schedule out time to give the kids space to discover who will lead them the next several years in a fun and engaging way. This requires kid and student ministers to work together to meet the kids moving up, like attending small groups, camps, VBS, and so forth. Start planning early, the summer is a great time to give the student ministry staff facetime in front of the preteen kids. Invite their current leaders to be a part and a source of encouragement to kids while also passing information to the new leaders.
  3. Provide intentional opportunities to belong. The junior high small group leaders play a vital role in allowing kids to feel like they belong. Cast vision to new small group leaders to spend time investing in the new students, knowing their extracurricular schedule, and making time to attend and support their small group kids. Invite them to begin praying over their new kids, especially if they know their names in advance. Plan fun events where kids and parents can meet the new staff like a breakfast before church or fun game nights. 

We know kids have a choice when they move into student ministry if they are going to continue deepening their walk with Jesus or move away. If kids and student ministers work together to help communicate effectively to parents, give space for kids to discover the next ministry, and offer intentional opportunities, we can not only help kids move to a new ministry, but also grow deeper in their walk with Jesus and the local church. 

Kimberly Wells has over 17 years of kid min experience, serving churches in England, Wisconsin, and Texas for the last 10 years. She and her husband, Tim, currently serve on staff at First Baptist Wylie, Tx.  She enjoys a good cup of coffee, board games and traveling. She has a deep desire for kids to know Jesus, own their faith, and change their world for the Gospel.

Family Ministry, Podcasts
September 5, 2019

Help Your Family Ministry THRIVE

By Micheal Walley

https://media.blubrry.com/lifewaykids/p/s3.amazonaws.com/ministrysites/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2019/09/04065216/Help-Your-Family-Ministry-THRIVE.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Podcasts | RSS

Jana Magruder and Ben Trueblood chat with Chuck Peters about how to help your church’s family ministry thrive. etchconference.com

Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry
July 17, 2019

When Your Child is Anxious: 3 Ways You Can Help

By Kids Ministry 101

Welcome back to KidsMinstry 101 guest blogger, Josh Straub!

We had a faulty smoke detector last week at our house. My refusal to spend more money on a new detector was the only thing that kept me from taking a sledgehammer to it. After changing out the batteries twice, I finally reset it—only to discover after loud chirping twelve hours later (at 6:00 AM) it was an entirely different detector that needed to be reset.

The chirping went on for days. One evening, as I tried to fix it, I thought it would be a good idea to tell our 4-year-old son, Landon, and 2-year-old daughter, Kennedy, what it meant if that beeping sound ever went off.

“When you hear this alarm,” I told them, “it means we have to get out of the house.”

“But why, Daddy?” asked our son, with a look of panic on his face.

“Well, buddy,” I replied…

BEEP! BEEP!

The system chirped again. Landon welled up with tears. “Daddy, we have to get out,” he said, visibly scared.

Kennedy started to cry too.

With an annoying smoke detector going off and two crying kids, I began to wish I had told them it was the ice cream truck outside. There’s nothing a good ice cream sandwich won’t fix.

Now, every time they hear a beeping sound, they talk about it — because surely the battery in the toaster oven, doorbell, or construction truck going backward is about to die. I’m just happy they’re learning to talk about it.

Here are three ways we can help our kids when they feel anxious.

1. Let them ask questions.

Putting language to what we feel is like emotional brain surgery. Simply allowing our kids to voice what they fear reduces anxiety. That’s because when their feeling neurons connect with language neurons in their brain, it helps them begin to make sense of their experience.

The other night I opened the windows in our kids’ playroom upstairs. Landon, Kennedy and I stood looking out the window at a neighbor’s cat and a rabbit nearby. Landon started to push his head against the screen. I told him not to push the screen because he could break it.

A few seconds later he asked me to read the sticker on the screen. Not knowing what it said, I just read it aloud. “Warning: Screen will not stop child from falling out window. Keep child away from open window.”
Yeah. And this happened the night after the beeping sound. Talk about overwhelming your already anxious child. Not much was said after that. Landon just slowly moved away from the window and played with his trains.

Later that night, at 2:30 AM, I felt a nudge beside my bed. “Daddy,” Landon said, “if I push on the screen, I’ll fall out of the window, right?”

Groggily, I stood up, walked him back to his bed and lay down with him. “We shouldn’t push on the screen,” I answered.

Knowing he was worried, I figured I would go sleep in his bed with him. Not more than five minutes later, Kennedy woke up. As I went to put her back to bed, Landon welled up with tears. 

“Daddy, will you come back?”

This was out of the norm — so much that Christi, who was awake by now as well, heard Landon crying. She walked over to his room and lay down with him. “Buddy, what’s wrong?” she asked in a calm voice, “What questions do you have?”

Lord bless her, she lay with him for the next 30 minutes just talking. Landon asked questions; Christi answered them. Landon talked about his fears; Christi put them into perspective.

When Christi came back to bed she said, “He’s learning about the dangers of the world, but doesn’t know how to process them.”

Her calm voice and listening ear in the middle of the night was gold for our son’s brain. I was ready to settle for the bronze and just lie down and go back to sleep beside him.

2. Play with them. 

Especially for children up until the age of 7, fantasy play is critical for calming their fears. Play is about power and powerlessness.

When Christi and I came home from a date night at 9:30 PM, Landon had waited up in his bed until we got home. He was so excited as I entered his room. Standing on his bed, arms spread wide, he said, “Daddy, you’re home!”

The next day I was playing with Landon and Kennedy. We built a fort. With Kennedy and I inside, Landon declared, “You guys lay down and pretend I just got home from work. When I come home, stand up and say, ‘Landon, you’re home!’”

Children use play to make sense of their feelings. Taking 20 minutes a day to enter into their world and allow them to dictate the play has powerful implications on emotional intelligence and self-competence later in life.

3. Be calm.

If we’re anxious, our kids don’t know if they can be safe. Anxiety has a trickle-down effect on kids. In fact, one research study shows that a parent’s ability to manage their own stress is the second-best parenting strategy — only behind love and affection —  for getting the outcomes we desire most in our kids.

Be realistic about the reaction you give and the real danger of the situation. A skinned knee isn’t a disaster; it’s a mark of your kids having fun.

Joshua Straub, Ph.D. is a speaker, author, and marriage and leadership coach. He and his wife, Christi, cohost the In This Together podcast and are coauthors a new children’s book, What Am I Feeling? and a new Bible study, Homegrown: Cultivating Kids in the Fruit of the Spirit. Josh also is the author of Safe House: How Emotional Safety is the Key to Raising Kids Who Live, Love, and Lead Well. Josh equips leaders, military families, and churches in emotional intelligence and family wellness.

Looking for more? Connect with ParentLife online at facebook.com/parentlife. Order at lifeway.com/parentlife.

Family, Family Ministry, Kids Ministry
July 3, 2019

Crossing the Checkpoints for Life’s Race

By Jeremy Carroll

“Let us lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus…” Hebrews 12:1-2

Back in 2013, the highly-respected late Jerry Vogel wrote about a few of the spiritual mile markers to be celebrated in families’ lives (post). As many of us are planning for a new ministry year with kids transitioning to new classes, this seems like a good time to review these mile markers or checkpoints as I like to call them and consider how our ministries can partner with parents in anticipating and celebrating these spiritual mile markers. 

In long-distance races, checkpoints are short stops along the path for runners to regain their strength for the next part of the race. It’s also a place where runners can be encouraged to continue on, nurse any injuries, reevaluate their strategy, and plan for adjustments as the race resumes. Checkpoints are places to revitalize runners and then send them back to the race. These life checkpoints provide natural opportunities to partner with parents to recoup, reevaluate, and realign strategies for moving forward.

Checkpoint #1 – Welcome to the Family

  • Birth/Adoption – Whether it’s a family’s first child, second, or fifth, each new child adds new rhythms to a family’s life, celebrations and joys along with potential anxiety and challenges. 
    • “New Addition” Gift Bag – Consider creating a small gift bag to give to new families when a new baby is born or a child is adopted.
    • Parenting classes/conference – A great idea for expectant parents is to offer them dedicated training on children’s spiritual growth. Such training should include theology of biblical parenting, trust development, and looking ahead toward future checkpoints.
  • Baby/Parent/Family Dedication – This is a great checkpoint to provide additional training, like a class mentioned above, to young parents on God’s expectations for Christian parents, showing them how you desire to partner with them in their parenting journey.

Checkpoint #2 – First Steps

  • Moving up to “Big Church” – Consider preparing “welcome to worship” bags for preschoolers who are transitioning into big church. Offering specific training to help parents/caregivers prepare for this change can help to soothe their nerves and remind them that children will learn how to worship best by watching adults worship. 
  • Learning to Read – Consider celebrating this checkpoint with a meaningful Bible presentation. If your budget allows, your church may purchase an age-appropriate Bible for each kindergartner or first grader. If your budget doesn’t allow or if you prefer to help parents choose their own Bible to give, be sure to guide parents in knowing what kind of Bible would be best for their child. LifeWay offers several options of age-appropriate Bibles at lifeway.com.

Checkpoint #3 – Growing in Faith

  • “What Is a Christian?” class – Often times kids who regularly attend church will start asking questions about salvation and/or baptism, and parents will immediately jump to trying to schedule a child’s baptism. Having a checkpoint in your ministry to equip parents to ask good questions of their child will give them greater confidence in talking with their children about salvation and baptism.
  • New Christian Class – An effective New Christian class can give children an opportunity to validate their response to Jesus, as well as give each child and parent confidence they are on a path that is firmly rooted in Scripture. LifeWay Kids’ “I’m a Christian Now” resources can lend structure this checkpoint.
  • Baptism – Here are a few ideas for developing a strategy to partner with parents in celebrating this checkpoint: 
    • Provide parents with a one-sheet overview of your church’s theology of believer’s baptism. 
    • Create a “baptism checklist” to help guide families. Include items like meeting with you or your pastor (according to the practices of your church), mail/email invitations, plan a family meal, provide a “next steps” devotional to each child to guide them in developing healthy spiritual habits.\
  • First Lord’s Supper – A child who is a new Christian will likely be very excited to finally participate in this church ordinance. 
    • Help parents anticipate this moment with a dedicated family conversation. Provide a one-sheet overview of your church’s beliefs about the Lord’s Supper, including who is allowed to participate and why, how often it is observed, etc. 

Checkpoint #4 – Next Steps

  • Discipleship – Many parents feel uncertain how to help children grow in their newfound faith by developing healthy spiritual habits (spiritual disciplines). LifeWay Kids’ Growing in My Faith 90-day Devotional can be a helpful resource for families.
  • Moving into the next age group in your ministry – A final checkpoint that would fall under your ministry would likely be to guide kids and families as they transition into student ministry. Many parents and preteens feel inadequately prepared to move through this checkpoint. Some options here might be: host a parent panel Q&A session with more seasoned parents, connect seasoned parents with parents of preteens in an informal mentor-type setting to allow for more intimate questions, training classes and resources for equipping parents to talk with their kids about all that is changing in their lives, and preteen weekend retreat. 

There are other checkpoints that you may choose to include, but hopefully, this has helped you start or continue thinking about ways you can partner and celebrate with parents as the kids in your ministry cross each of life’s checkpoints. I encourage you to “run with endurance the race that lies before [you], keeping [your] eyes on Jesus… ” as you “pursue as [your] goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” (Hebrews 12:1-2; Philippians 3:13-14)

Click here for a downloadable Checkpoints PDF to help you share your vision with families. There are 2 pages in this document. One with the checkpoints we’ve listed in this post, and one with blank boxes for your to write in your own.

Jeremy Carroll is the team leader for LifeWay Kids Discipleship Resources. Before coming to LifeWay, he has been active in local church ministry for nearly 20 years in TN, TX, and AL. Jeremy earned a Master of Arts in Christian Education from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. A Middle Tennessee native, he and his family live in Murfreesboro, TN.

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