Brian Dembowczyk, Author at Kids Ministry

August 14, 2019

5 Lessons I’m Learning as a Dad of Kids with Anxiety

Many kids struggle with anxiety today, not a mere nervousness, but rather what can be an overwhelming and paralyzing fear. In this blog post, I share a few lessons I’m learning on how to help my own kids who struggle with anxiety in hope that they help you navigate the anxiety that might occur in your ministry.

Anxiety is an ever-present foe in my family, one which I despise. Two of my kids struggle with anxiety pretty much on a daily basis, and as their father, it destroys me to see it. Anxiety, like depression, is a word we throw around quite a bit, so let me explain what I mean, or perhaps rather what I don’t mean.

When I say my kids struggle with anxiety, I don’t mean that they worry some or that they get nervous on occasion. Oh, they do worry and get nervous, but it’s much more than that. For most of us, we can control those feelings. We can make sense of them and keep them in proportion. But my kids can’t. Their anxiety overwhelms them. It plagues their minds and crushes their hearts. That’s why I say they struggle with anxiety. They don’t want to be anxious and they try to fight against it, but it is a battle they often lose. They don’t just have anxiety; anxiety has them.

For my family, we see anxiety manifest itself in so many ways: going to school, being in new situations, experiencing changes in our routine, knowing where mom is, and even seeing a friend in the park. Handling these episodes of anxiety is challenging enough for me, let alone knowing how to help my kids during them. I tend not to be a worrier, so it’s hard for me to relate with what they are experiencing. Plus, I’m a problem-solver; I want to fix what is “broken” so I often come at these episodes from that unrealistic posture. Add to the mix that I am a selfish sinner who often lacks the grace and patience my kids need and deserve, and it is a formula of failure more than one of success.

But in God’s kindness, He is teaching me—ever so slowly—how to support my kids during and through their anxiety. Here are five lessons He’s driving into me:

1. Knowing what not to say matters … greatly. We mean well, but often our desire to say something outweighs the wisdom of what we actually say. The result is that we can offer what comes across as platitudes. I’ve told my kids, “don’t worry,” but I can see how that rings hollow. Telling them not to worry, as if they can but are choosing not to, just doesn’t help. In that moment they cannot not worry. Another one I’ve said is, “everything is OK.” While I know that to be true, my kids don’t feel that truth in the moment. Rather, it’s better for me to acknowledge their struggle. Acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is difficult and let them know I’m sorry they are experiencing it, but I will be with them during it and through it. “This stinks. I’m so sorry you are feeling this right now. I’m here with you. We will get through it.”

Likewise, be careful about quoting Bible passages, such as Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:6-7, or 1 Peter 5:7, as if a kid struggling with anxiety only needs to understand and believe these verses to be OK. Yes, the gospel is the ultimate answer for all that is broken in the world, but just as we wouldn’t quote Psalm 103:3 instead of giving penicillin to a child with pneumonia, we shouldn’t only give Bible verses to our kids. Rather, we want to remind our kids of God’s sovereign power and His love for them. We want to encourage our kids that the gospel says that in Christ, they are fully loved and accepted by God, no matter what—even if they might feel like a failure because of their worries and doubts. Give them life through God’s Word, not potential, albeit accidental, condemnation.

2. Patience is not a virtue; patience is a necessity. Perhaps my greatest struggle with my kids’ anxiety is my lack of patience. It’s actually a problem for me in general, but when it comes to helping kids navigate anxiety, patience is not a virtue, it’s a must. So the best thing for us to do is to pray up. Remind ourselves that the kid doesn’t want to be anxious—it’s not a choice. Ask God to help frustration give way to compassion. Step away for a minute if possible and needed. Getting frustrated, or even mad as I have done at times, doesn’t help anyone—you, or especially the kid.

3. Find and Encourage Tools that Help. My kids have been helped a great deal with tools taught or given to them by counselors. Perhaps it is saying something or focusing thoughts on something. Or perhaps it is squeezing a stress ball. Having tools to use can greatly help a child experiencing anxiety, but there may be times when the anxiety is so severe, it’s difficult to even get the kid to use those tools. Be ready for that. For me, it only adds to my frustration, so I need to be mentally and spiritually ready to help my kids help themselves when they refuse to use the tools they have been given. The flip side of this is that a kid who has found tools that work can provide help and encouragement to others. We have seen this with our kids helping one another when one is struggling and it is a beautiful reminder of God’s kindness to use any bad for His glory (see Gen 50:20).

4. Routines Give Comfort. The best way to help with anxiety is to help your kid proactively. One of the best methods I have found is to create and guard routines as much as possible. For my kids, new and different prompt panic. The fear of the unknown is very real for them. As a result, we try to guard our family routine as much as we can. Comfortable, familiar rhythms are a balm on the mind and heart of a child who struggles with anxiety. But there will be times when new situations cannot, and should not, be avoided. Prepare your kid for the upcoming event by reviewing the schedule, talking about specific areas that might prompt anxiety, and planning on what tools would be most helpful.

5. Lighten the load. In light of the last tip, do what you can to lighten the load. Keep life as consistent and simple as possible. This means saying “no” to plenty of things, even good things. For our family, this might mean abstaining from various one-time events that pop up and trying to protect our daily schedule as best as we can (such as dinner time and bedtime). In the classroom, this might mean being extra careful about changing your routine, and when you do, giving any kids who struggle with anxiety plenty of advance notice. Talk them through exactly what will be happening … and be ready to have that conversation more than just once!

Brian Dembowczyk is the managing editor for The Gospel Project. He served in local church ministry for over 16 years before coming to LifeWay. Brian earned an M.Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and a D.Min. from the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his family live in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

Kids Ministry, Leadership, Recruiting

July 24, 2019

End the Recruiting Woes: Recruit Like Jesus!

By Brian Dembowczyk

The temptation in recruiting leaders is to reduce the ask—to lower the bar—so that we increase the chances of people saying yes. But this can result in the wrong people saying yes for the wrong reasons. In this blog post, we will see that Jesus gives us a better way. The key is not to lower the bar in our recruiting, but rather to raise it.

It never ends. There aren’t even any breaks. Instead, it comes at us with a cruel relentlessness. You know what I am talking about.

Recruiting.

We all recruit. We all know we need to recruit. But none of us like to recruit. Actually, we can’t stand it. (Well, I’m sure there is someone out there who enjoys recruiting just like there are people who like okra.)

Perhaps the reason why we are always recruiting is that we experience too much turnover. And perhaps we experience too much turnover because we aren’t recruiting the best way—the right way.

Think about how recruiting is often done in kids ministry: it often feels more like begging and bartering than inviting. In our desperation to fill open slots, we either beg our church as a whole, or we go to people we feel might be more inclined to say “yes,” if we beg them enough. Our pitch often comes across as a guilt trip, which is another reason we don’t like to recruit. Our recruiting feels like we’re trying to coerce people into a toilet-paper-of-the-month multi-level marketing venture. Or, we go a different route and reduce the ask. We know someone committing to teach every week would be best—to build relationships and consistency—but our beggars-can’t-be-choosers posture leads us to settle for less—much less. “Are you breathing and are you willing to commit to whenever February 29th is a Sunday? Great, then sign right here!”

We might get more “yeses” this way, but not all yeses are created equal. Many of those yesses become uncommitted, unreliable leaders who usually drop out the first chance they get, meaning—you guessed it—we need to recruit again.

What if there were a better way? Actually, there is. It’s the way Jesus recruited followers, a way devoid of begging and bartering. It’s a way that does the exact opposite—it almost scares people off. We see it in Luke 14:25-33.

At the beginning of this passage, large crowds were chasing after Jesus. That was exactly what He wanted, right? Wrong. Jesus knew that these people were not following Him for the right reason. They were uncommitted and unreliable. They were superficial. Sound familiar? So what did He do? He gave them every reason not to stay, but rather to leave.

“Want to follow Me? Fine. It will cost you your family (v. 26), your possessions (v. 33), and even your own life (v. 26-27). It will cost you everything. So count the cost now or walk away (v. 28-32). OK, now who needs a pen to sign up?”

Do you see Jesus’ point? Following Him is a high calling. It means something. It’s not for the uncommitted or faint of heart.

The same is true of serving in kids ministry! We aren’t beggars with empty pockets turned inside-out. We don’t recruit from a posture of need, but rather from one of opportunity. We are inviting people to the high calling of partnering with us and parents to shepherd and disciple the next generation. Surely serving in kids ministry takes a sacrifice of time and energy, but only through the depth of that sacrifice are we able to find the depth of reward—kids hearing the gospel, responding to the gospel, being changed by the gospel, and living out the gospel.

My friends, don’t be ashamed of that which Christ is not. Don’t lower the bar that Jesus raised. Recruit the way Jesus did. And when you do, you might just find you will recruit less, and maybe—just maybe—you will miss it.

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership

June 24, 2019

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 6

By Brian Dembowczyk

When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But, of course, it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kids leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

So far we have covered:

And finally…

A curriculum is just one part of a comprehensive discipleship strategy.

A good curriculum is an important part of a discipleship strategy, but it is not all of it. As we think about our call to disciple kids we have to think beyond curriculum. Discipleship takes the form of living life together side-by-side, participating in small groups, gathering in worship, and much more. A good curriculum can go a long way in your discipleship efforts, but it cannot cross the finish line by itself.

This means that we need to think about how the curriculum we are using complements our greater discipleship efforts. It’s not all up to the curriculum, as important of a role as it may play. But before we can consider that, we really need to be clear of what discipleship is.

In his book, The Drama of Doctrine, theologian Kevin Vanhoozer argues that Scripture should be read more like a drama—like a script intended not just to be read, but acted out. I like that analogy. Our goal is not to study the Bible to learn facts—although they are important. Our goal is to study the Bible as our script pointing us to what Jesus has done and what we are to do now in light of what He has done. This means that we need to consider carefully how the gospel affects how we live today in our unique context. That, to me, is a great way to think of discipleship. Discipleship is not about just learning data. Neither is it about just behaving in a set way. It is about knowing Christ and understanding the heart of the gospel such that we might be able to live in any and every context in accordance with God as we bring Him glory.

Do you see why a curriculum cannot be mistaken for a comprehensive discipleship strategy? It can only be one part of such a strategy because as we talked before about there being no perfect curriculum, your context is unique. And that unique context requires discipleship that cannot rest solely in a curriculum, no matter how good it might be.

So as you consider the curriculum you use, recognize its strengths and weaknesses. Recognize where it helps your context’s discipleship efforts and where it does not. Be aware of other ministry efforts (such as VBS) that cover the areas of discipleship the curriculum does not. Above all, be clear of any unique role the curriculum you use plays in your discipleship efforts.

Questions for reflection

How do you see the curriculum you use integrating into a larger discipleship strategy? Are there any unique aspects of discipleship that the curriculum and your Bible study time alone can fulfill?
Do you see yourself as a discipler of your kids? Why or why not?

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership, Teaching Kids

May 1, 2019

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 5

By Brian Dembowczyk

When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But, of course it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kids leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

So far we have covered:

Next up …

The best teaching experiences include activities and group interaction.

Since I already stepped on some toes in the last post, I may as well go ahead and stomp on some more in this one. Here goes. The worst teaching we can do is lecturing. That’s not my opinion; it’s supported by research. Kids learn the least by just hearing. So the best teaching actually occurs as we, as leaders, talk less, not more. That doesn’t mean we should say nothing of course. We have an important role to play and we have to talk to explain God’s Word and lead discussion. But our goal needs to be to keep that to a minimum.

This is why a good curriculum will feature a variety of interactive learning techniques, no matter what age it is designed for—babies through adults. Those discussion questions aren’t filler; they are essential. Those activities are not merely ways to pass the time to fill an hour; they are designed to help kids learn.

As teachers, we need to be sure to guard time for interaction and guard against pride. Pride is what often drives us to want to lecture—we believe people need to hear what we have to say. And again to a degree, that is true—if you have taken the time to work at what you are teaching and being led by the Holy Spirit. But our kids don’t need to hear just from us. They need to hear from one another and they need to share themselves as well. They need to hear, see, write, and do. The more learning styles you can include, the better.

One final word of note deserves mentioning here. No matter what age group you lead, be sure to build in time for rabbit chasing. It’s ok to go “off script” at times. Sometimes those moments are the most important ones your group will experience. They can be divine appointments. Now, we always need to be careful about venturing down frivolous rabbit trails but don’t barricade the good ones too. A sincere question often deserves a sincere response. And one kid’s question is often not unique.

Kids Ministry, Kids Ministry Curriculum, Leadership

April 8, 2019

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 4

By Brian Dembowczyk

When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But, of course, it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kid’s leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

So far we have covered:

Today …

Teaching God’s Word takes work.

The points made on the last two posts require this one. Teaching the Bible is not easy, nor should it be really. It takes work. You can’t expect to put minimal effort into teaching and expect maximum impact. Saturday preparation doesn’t lead to the best Sunday execution. I realize that I may have just stepped on some toes here, but there is no way around this. Teaching others is too important—far too weighty—not to talk about this (see James 3:1). If you are a teacher, you need to be prepared to roll up your sleeves and invest time, energy, and effort into preparing to teach.

The best teaching comes from the overflow of our grappling with the text. We take the leader guide and hold it up next to the Scriptures and use it, with the Spirit’s guidance, to discern what God is saying in the text, what it meant to the author and original recipients, and how we are to understand it and live it out today in our context. None of that sounds easy because none of it is. It isn’t meant to be. It takes effort, which is what our God deserves, what our kids need, and what we are called on to do as teachers.

But this doesn’t mean that you get extra credit for working needlessly harder. The old adage certainly holds true: Work smarter, not harder. Here are a few tips to help you do that.

First, do some heavy lifting up front to help you in the long run. We talked about this in the first post, but to state it again, one thing you will want to do (perhaps need to do is more accurate) is take some time to understand the values of the curriculum you are using. What are you after? Again, to call on a popular adage: If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?

Beyond that, familiarize yourself with the resource as much as you can. How is it designed? What is the logic and flow of a session? What other items and materials are available for you to use in a session (e.g. posters) and how do you access them? I talk to people all of the time who aren’t aware of the various items available to use each week as part of The Gospel Project for Kids. Know about all the tools that you can have available in your tool belt, why each exists, and how you can use them all.

Finally, know of the extra teaching helps provided for you. Many curriculums provide plenty of additional materials to help prepare leaders. The Gospel Project provides blog posts with additional resources, weekly teacher training videos, and more. These are all provided to help you as a teacher dive deeply into the Bible story so that you can teach each session the best as possible.

Questions for reflection

What is your normal rhythm of preparing each week? Are you investing well into your calling?
What additional resources are available to help you that you might not be taking advantage of?

Next time: The best teaching experiences include activities and group interaction.

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership

March 15, 2019

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 3

By Brian Dembowczyk

So far we have covered:

Next up…

There is no perfect curriculum.

Building off of the previous point, we need to recognize that the perfect curriculum simply does not exist. Nor can it exist. Every curriculum is produced by finite people. I tend to be a Type A kind of guy—a perfectionist in many ways. And this is a struggle for me. No matter how hard we try and how many eyes are placed on it, there has never been a single volume of curriculum printed without a typo. The amazing thing is that they seem to jump off the page immediately as soon as we open our preview copies from the printer!

But there is one more nuance to flesh out here, the most important one. The perfect curriculum does not exist, cannot exist, but more than that, it should not exist. That might sound strange from a guy who works on producing curriculum and who is a Type A perfectionist, but hear me out. The reason that there should not be a perfect curriculum is because each church is unique, as is every group, as is every teacher, and as is every kid. While we share the same mandate to teach the same unchanging, uncompromising Scriptures, the unique context of each group demands that what is shared and how it is shared differs. That is why no curriculum can be, nor should be, plug-and-play. And that is why it is called a Leader Guide and not a Leader Mandate.

So if you are a leader, be patient and gracious with us when you come across a typo! Know that it pains us that it is there and our goal is to provide you with a resource free of all typos. But more than that, follow the Spirit’s guidance as you prepare as we addressed in the prior post. And be patient and gracious with us here too. That main idea or activity that doesn’t help you, might just be the most important one for the church down the street from you. Know that our goal is to get as close to the ideal curriculum for as many churches and groups as we can. We want to make preparing as easy as possible for you, which will take us to the next point covered in the next post.

Questions for reflection

What is unique about your context? What needs and opportunities should you be aware of as you lead your group?
What is unique about you as a leader? What strengths, weaknesses, and biases might you bring to your group as you lead that you need to be aware of?

Next time: Teaching God’s Word takes work.

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership

March 6, 2019

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum: Part 2

By Brian Dembowczyk

When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But of course, it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kids leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

So far we have covered:

Every curriculum is crafted around a set of core values.

Next up…

The goal is to teach the Bible, not the curriculum.

If this list were in the order of importance, this one might be at the top. If you are a teacher, your goal is not to teach the curriculum you use. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true. Curriculum is a tool to teach something else of far greater importance: the Bible.

Do you see how critical of a distinction this is? No curriculum is the inspired Word of God; only the Bible is. No curriculum is infallible; only the Bible is. No curriculum reveals God’s plan to redeem people to Himself through Christ Jesus; only the Bible does. Hear this clearly as coming from someone who helps produce curriculum: We don’t want anyone leaving a gathering saying how great the curriculum is; we want them leaving saying how great the Bible is, and even more so how great the Author of the Bible is.

Practically, this means that a teacher’s focus, from start to finish, must fall squarely on the Scriptures. If it is any good, the curriculum a teacher uses will be a great help for him or her to do this. But it is just that: a help.

My suggestion is that kids leaders begin preparing each week by reading the Scripture from the Bible, not the leader guide. And don’t just read the main text of the session—what is often called the focal passage. Many curriculums will provide a suggested background passage which gives fuller context. Read that at least. The goal should be to be conversant in the surrounding context of what you will be studying and sharing that week. And you will want to do this early in the week, allowing time for what you read to seep down deep into your mind and heart.

Then it is time to dive into the leader guide and see how the curriculum presents the Bible passage. If an important point you discovered in your reading of Scripture is not emphasized strongly enough or missing altogether in the curriculum, build that into what you plan on covering with your kids. You know your kids better than whoever developed your curriculum. Follow the Spirit’s leading as you prepare.

Then, when you gather, be sure to have your Bible out and make it your goal to use it more than your leader guide. Your kids need to see you drawing deeply from the life-giving waters of God’s Word. Tangentially, this is why it is so critical that you encourage your kids to bring their Bibles too. The best Bible study does just that—studies the Bible, not a curriculum.

Questions for reflection

What habits and practices might you need to develop or strengthen as you prepare for and lead Bible study sessions?
Do your kids all have Bibles? Do you have a few Bibles on hand for guests or for when kids forget theirs? If not, how can that be addressed?

Next time: There is no perfect curriculum.

Bible Study, Kids Ministry, Leadership

February 6, 2019

6 Things Kids Leaders Should Know about Curriculum

By Brian Dembowczyk

When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I help produce Bible study curriculum. But of course it is so much more than the way I feed my family—it is a passion and a privilege, one I seek to steward well. With that deep care for curriculum in mind, I want to share six things that I wish every kids leader knew about curriculum. Knowing these things, I believe, can transform a ministry, which more importantly, can transform lives.

First up…

#1 – Every curriculum is crafted around a set of core values.

From time to time, kids ministry leaders who are launching a new curriculum ask me to come and train their teachers. Often, these kids leaders want me to use the time to explain how the curriculum works—to get into the nuts and bolts and logistics of how to actually use the resource. Of course, that makes sense; using a resource well matters. But there is a bigger question that often goes unanswered at trainings like that: Why the curriculum exists.

Every curriculum is crafted around a set of core values: beliefs and goals that drive its content. Knowing what these values are, and ensuring that they connect with your kids ministry and church, is critical. A properly executed curriculum with the wrong values will not be effective in your ministry. This is a leading reason we see some groups struggle. It’s not a matter of them using curriculum incorrectly, but rather them using the incorrect curriculum. Or, what might be more likely, they do not know the DNA of the curriculum to understand where it is taking them and the win for every group time.

For example, The Gospel Project’s core values are Story, Culture, and Mission. This curriculum seeks to help kids, students, and adults grasp the one story of Scripture—God’s plan to redeem people through Jesus—and for that story to transform them and compel them to step into the ongoing gospel story and play their role as missionaries in their context. These three values inform all The Gospel Project does from what passages are covered and what vocabulary is used to what application is encouraged. Understanding this gospel-centric approach is essential.

For example, a story that is covered in all ages of The Gospel Project is David’s sin with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11). This is certainly a challenging story to cover for adults, and even more so for students and kids, and especially for preschoolers. So why include it? Why not skip it for a more “kid-friendly” story? The reason is rooted in the curriculum’s values. This session is important to The Gospel Project because it reminds us that David was not the perfect hero we should emulate. Yes, we can and should learn good things from David, but ultimately we need to see that David was a sinner in need of a Savior just like us. And David points us to that greater hero we should strive to emulate: Jesus. Furthermore, this story reminds us that no one is beyond God’s grace. David did terrible things, yet God’s grace was sufficient. In His mercy, God showered David with His love and forgiveness and God does that for us too. Knowing those goals, which are related to that resource’s values, is essential for leaders to teach that session. If they miss that, no matter how well they might execute the logistics of the session, they will miss its win.

Questions for reflection

What are the core values of your church and kids ministry?
What are the core values of the curriculum that you use?

Next time: The goal is to teach the Bible, not the curriculum.

Kids Ministry, Leadership

December 11, 2017

5 Lessons from the Bible

By Brian Dembowczyk

Lois and Eunice: How do leaders grow their teams?

Remembering your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy. I recall your sincere faith that first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and now, I am convinced, is in you also. 2 Timothy 1:4-5

Timothy first being discipled by his mother and grandmother and then by Paul is one of the most riveting mentoring relationships in Scripture. It clearly shows us the win of family discipleship followed by the value of strategic ministry discipleship.

Beautiful, isn’t it? But here’s the problem: far too many of us view mentoring as icing on the cake instead of as a core part of our ministries. The tyranny of the urgent pushes mentoring to the margins as “wishful thinking” or “idealistic.” Who has time for that?!?!

While not many of us have extra time to spend mentoring, it is perhaps the one ministry activity that we cannot afford not to do. Raising up future leaders is that important. Right now there are leaders on your team who have the potential to step up as leaders, but they need to be mentored. At the same time, there are people in your church who may not be on your team now, but who also have leadership potential that needs to be developed. Not many things position a ministry for the long haul as mentoring does. That’s why it’s so important. You can build the best kids ministry around, but if you don’t raise up leaders to keep it going after you, you haven’t built it to last.

Here are five tips for developing and maintaining a mentoring culture in your ministry:

Be selective. This may feel completely wrong at first. We usually want to include everyone and treat everyone the same—fairly. But that’s the problem. The same is not fair because people are different. God has wired us differently and that’s a good thing. Not everyone has the same abilities, aptitude, skills, and interests. So it would be wrong to treat everyone the same way under the guise of fairness. When it comes to mentoring, look for people who you feel have the greatest leadership aptitude and then build into them. Sure this means that you will spend more time, energy, and resources on these people—and that may not feel “fair”—but remember, even Jesus had an inner circle who were treated differently from others.
Be realistic. Mentoring does take time. There is no way around that. You will have to carve out regular time—time you cannot spend on other ministry tasks. Mentoring isn’t always glamorous as well. It’s not always us pouring wisdom into willing sponges. Sometimes the people we mentor won’t listen. Sometimes they will do silly things. Mentoring can be challenging and frustrating at times. Know that going into it.
Have an intentional plan. Establish a mentoring plan—don’t wing it. Think about how long the mentoring will last, what you want to accomplish, how often you will meet, what you want to read together, what you want to discuss together, what you want that person to observe you doing and what you want to observe that person doing. Develop the plan ahead of time and share it with the person so she knows to what she is committing.
Gradually release. Just like in delegating, gradually increase the person’s responsibility in ministry. Give them opportunities to own more of the ministry—even if it is just for the short-term during the mentoring process. A big part of learning is doing.

Multiply the mentoring. When someone completed the mentoring process, consider whether he is able to mentor others—whether in a full-blown mentoring relationship like he just completed or a scaled-down version of more targeted mentoring. Make it a goal to mentor future mentors.

Kids Ministry, Leadership

November 20, 2017

5 Leadership Lessons from the Bible: Moses

By Brian Dembowczyk

Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. So Moses chose able men from all Israel and made them leaders over the people as commanders of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens. They judged the people at all times; they would bring the hard cases to Moses, but they would judge every minor case themselves. Exodus 18:24-26

I have to admit that I’m a lot like Moses. No, not because I have a great shepherd’s staff or grew up as a prince in Egypt, but because like him, I can tend to make the mistake of trying to do everything myself. There’s a good chance that you can relate too because this is a common trap into which leaders fall.

But let’s be clear about this—we are called “leaders” not “doers” for a reason. If we as leaders are doing everything ourselves, we are not only going to burn ourselves out, but we are also failing to give our teams the opportunity to grow and be used by God, and we are limiting the ministries our kids and parents experience.

That is what Jethro saw Moses doing, so thankfully, he called Moses out for it. Jethro told Moses it wasn’t right for him to do all the judging. It was wearing him out and slowing the people down. There were plenty of good men who could partner with Moses to judge the people’s disputes. So Jethro challenged Moses to use them—to delegate the work.

We have to ask what Jethro would say to us if he saw how we ran our ministries. Would he give us the same advice—delegate more? Even if you are more of a collaborative leader, there is probably still more room for you to delegate. Here are five tips for delegating in a way that maximizes your team:

Know what you need to do. Let’s just say this up front—while there are many tasks you can delegate and several that you should delegate, there are also some that you cannot delegate. There are going to be certain parts of your ministry that you simply cannot, and should not, pass to someone else. Start with making a list of these tasks. Know what you cannot give away and why.
Make a stop doing list. Now go to the other end of the spectrum—the opposite of what you have to do. What tasks do you need to stop doing no matter what? We all have them. Some are big, others are small. Some we can delegate to others, some we will just have to let die. Think about the time and energy drainers in your schedule. Think about the tasks you do that show little to no benefit. Make a list of these and plan how and when you will stop each. You will probably need to repeat this regularly as tasks creep back into your schedule.
Delegate the right tasks to the right people on your team. In between your list of what you have to do and what you need to stop doing lives a large number of tasks that you can give to others. But that doesn’t mean you necessarily should. Make a chart with all of the tasks and the skills and gifts needed for each on one side and your team members and their skills on gifts on the other side. Now look for the matches. A wise leader will delegate the right tasks to the right people and set them, and more importantly the ministry, up for success. Delegating the wrong task to the wrong people is a recipe for frustration and hindered ministry.
Let other people own what you give them but don’t abandon them. If you’ve ever driven a stick-shift car, you know how important it is to learn how to balance the clutch and accelerator pedal. Pressing too hard on one or the other will cause your car to jerk and sputter. Making a smooth transition between the two is essential. The same is true of delegating. Don’t dump off the task immediately—give the person time to learn it. Coach them as you slowly release it to them. But at the same time, make sure you do that—release the task to them. Don’t pseudo-delegate. Give it over to your team member but let them know you are always available to them if they need you.
Strive for redundancy. As you delegate tasks to your team members, be sure to think of the long-term. Seek to delegate each task to more than one team member to minimize ministry bottlenecks—where only one person knows how to do something—which can choke and even halt ministry. A good goal is for multiple team members to be able to do every task in your ministry. That maximizes your team’s effectiveness and also positions your ministry to flourish even as leaders take vacations, get sick, or leave your team.

Next time — Lois and Eunice: How do leaders grow their teams?

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5 Lessons from the Bible

Remembering your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy. I recall your sincere faith that first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and now, I am convinced, is in you also. 2 Timothy 1:4-5

5 Leadership Lessons from the Bible: Moses

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